happy days are here again

[kjjerm]

/sarcasm

just broke up with my girlfriend of 9 months. 9 months doesn't seem like a lot of time, but she got me through some tough times.

anyway. I am now sans money, sans girlfriend, sans job and sans school. on top of that I'm 120,000 dollars in debt with medical bills, my parents are going to kick me out, so I expect within the next week or so to be homeless as i have no friends willing to take me in, or friends at all for that matter. i'm beginning to realize that the only thing i've ever wanted to do in life - be a writer - is completely beyond my talents. im tired of fooling myself with the prospect that things are going to get better.

i can only think of one way out of this and i'm sure all you insightful people out there can guess what i'm insinuating.

anyway. yeah.

 

[Unacceptance]

Except for the medical bills. I had the same thing happen this year to me. Except I lived with my Ex for around 3 years. I lost my job, my lease was up, broke up with her, and had to drop out of school. Trust me, you still gotta wake up and face the day. May as well face it battle ready.

 

[kjjerm]

Except for the medical bills. I had the same thing happen this year to me. Except I lived with my Ex for around 3 years. I lost my job, my lease was up, broke up with her, and had to drop out of school. Trust me, you still gotta wake up and face the day. May as well face it battle ready.

what's with this "up by your own bootstraps" mentality. sure it's noble and a person able to pull themselves out of the gutter should be admired, but I'm not strong enough to be that person.

stop rubbing it in.

 

[Unacceptance]

Everyone is strong enough to wake up unless you croak. A defeatist mentality gets you nowhere. **** is going to continue to suck, the world will keep getting worse, just lumber along.

 

[kjjerm]

Everyone is strong enough to wake up unless you croak. A defeatist mentality gets you nowhere. **** is going to continue to suck, the world will keep getting worse, just lumber along.

and this is supposed to encourage someone to live, how? xDDDDD

"Listen, your life is going to suck and chances are be full of immeasurable pain and emotional agony, and you'll probably die a middle-aged alcoholic cynic with absolutely no mental capacity left for compassion at all, and yeah, you could probably make things easier for yourself by doing yourself in now and saving yourself a lot of trouble, but... cah'mooooon! I mean... Cah'moooooon! ... C'mooonnn!"

:3

 

[Bluey]

120,000 dollars is a lot of debt, Even for a student to have. Why so much medical stuff?

I really would not say Unacceptance is trying to rub anything in me old mucker. You should go back and read some of he's older posts. He is well placed to give you some advice I think. And I actually thought what he said made a great deal of sanes.

 

[Brian]

Have you looked for a new job? Filed for unemployment? Looked in the paper for people wanting roommates? I reckon right about now people are definitely going to want roommates since the economy is taking a ****.

Have you looked in to public housing? Here where I live there's a public housing complex where they evaluate your income every so often, and base your rent on that. They're pretty nice apartments, even.

Go here: http://www.edd.ca.gov/Jobs_and_Training/ It's your state government's online job list and they should have all sorts of jobs you can apply for. You will have to register, but it's free and your information is secure. And don't be picky...some people will complain about not being able to find a job, but what they really mean to say is "Waaahhh waaahhh I don't wanna get my hands diiirrrtyy "

Right now, life sucks. In a year it won't be so bad; in three to five, you'll be fine. All you have to do is work. Look at it that way If you have a job, no matter what it is, there is always a future and always a way to basically be fine. And a couple years down the line you'll be a bit hardened. You'll look back and say, "Hey, I done it. I'm pretty awesome after all and that Brian guy was right!"


So get yourself a job, find a roommate or a cheap apartment. Get a bank account if you dont have one already...it's all part of early adult life. Once you're established, start looking in to college. Maybe you won't be a writer, but you can sure find something else you like to do.


Edit: On Medical Bills and Hard Starts.

My boss Jeremy is 32, with a wife and a 12 year old daughter. Good enough guy.

But he dropped out of highschool at 16 and moved out on his own, with his girlfriend Andrea, at 19. He worked for his dad, a real hardass logger, and made less than the other workers even at the top of his payscale there. He was what's called a Landing Sawyer, which at the time meant he had to bust *** as fast as he could to limb the trees brought to the log landing by the skidder. That means running up and down the log with your saw, getting every branch, working fast enough to outrun the skidder bringing them in and the loader decking them. Outworking *machines*. And if he had to file his saw or gas it up, that put him behind.

By the time he was 20, he was making payments on a trailer house and paying medical bills for his newborn daughter. Granted his wife was helping, but it was tough enough that the best Christmas present they ever received was a big box of canned food from his family.

His dad played favorites with his brother Jason (Jeremy's the Black Sheep of the family...he don't even drink), his inlaws more or less hated his guts and tried to beat him up several times (drunks tend to do that apparently), and by his mid twenties he'd racked up several broken bones and a popped lung: roughly 25,000 in medical bills.

He got that reduced a little by the county, but it was still a significant thing to pay off on top of everything else. But he did it.

A few years later they bought property and built the house they're living in now. They're still paying for it, but it's a nice house. He owns a business that doesn't really make much aside from wages and aside from his house, he's making payments on his pickup, a $30,000 chipper and he might be adding a skid steer on to that. He just had another kid, so he's got that bill. But he still wakes up every day and goes to work, because really that's all you can do. But you know what? He still has fun. He goes camping, hunting, fishing...goes to the movies...etc.

Every time I feel like life's beating me up, or that things are too hard, I think about him. He's kind of a role model. If he can overcome all that adversity and still be where he is today, then I'm pretty sure you and me can work day jobs and rent apartments.

 

[kjjerm]

120,000 dollars is a lot of debt, Even for a student to have. Why so much medical stuff?

I really would not say Unacceptance is trying to rub anything in me old mucker. You should go back and read some of he's older posts. He is well placed to give you some advice I think. And I actually thought what he said made a great deal of sanes.

I understand that; but for someone who was seriously suicidal (at the time) because he felt his life was inevitably worthless, having someone come along and buff up that idea wasn't actually productive.

But I do appreciate it, nevertheless. I needed someone to talk to - anyone, anything to distract me from "omg teh pain." I'm still down. I'm just neither holding the bottle of vodka nor my mother's prescription bottle of Hydrocodone anymore. Death by APAP is a slow and excruciating process.

*sigh* I'm ironically humorous right now. xD In an hour or so, I'll put the music down and realize where I am again. Then I'll probably be back here begging for attention. Well, see you then.

 

[VanillaCreme]

. . . I'm not strong enough to be that person.

stop rubbing it in.

Stop rubbing it in your own face, and you'd get over it. You're not strong enough because you believe that. Everyone is strong enough. I'm going to say it bluntly... Stop looking for the easy way out.

 

[kjjerm]

. . . I'm not strong enough to be that person.

stop rubbing it in.

Stop rubbing it in your own face, and you'd get over it. You're not strong enough because you believe that. Everyone is strong enough. I'm going to say it bluntly... Stop looking for the easy way out.

lmao. You make it sound so cowardly. Ever read anything about Hemingway?

More often than not, suicide isn't an act of cowardice. It's not always about giving up, and it's not always about ending the pain. Sometimes, it's about taking control. I admit, I made it sound like I was looking to just end all the hurt and "give up," but in retrospect I wasn't in a fresh state of mind.

Anyway, I guess I sounded a bit idiotic, but I wasn't rubbing anything in my face. Call it accepting a new reality. xD