He is bad news

[Blue_Eyed_Symphony]

Bad news? My friend's ex bf is texting me telling me he likes me and wants to be with me. Bad part? He is telling everyone I like him when I don't. Now people are mad at me and I feel alone and hated. This is awful. My anxiety is at an all time high. And I'm still sick.

 

[LoneKiller]

Hi Blue_Eyed_Symphony.

What does your friend think about this? Or does she know?

 

[Hoffy]

Save the text, forward them to her and all your friends

 

[Ox Blood]

I agree with Hoffy to make ALL of your friends (maybe even some close family) aware of the situation. Tell him to **** off or you will go to the police and file for harassment/stalking. Cut all contact after that -- block numbers, e-mails, etc. Even if it's an empty threat - that should do the trick (if he is sane).

If it doesn't stop after that... lol, Then I'd start documenting calls/texts/e-mails/etc to file for a temporary restraining order (those last for 30 days). And usually, that will make it stop... If he is sane. If he is really stupid and insane -- you may have to do what I did with my ex and go to court to file for a extension (lasts for a year). It also wouldn't hurt to buy a taser/pepperspray (which is good to have with you anyways).

Does he know where you live?
Does he have a history of abuse?
Criminal record?
What makes him "bad news", aside from him being a *********?
What does your friend say about him?

I know it sounds like a lot, and is the last thing you want to hear when you are sick. It sucks. But people are crazy and unpredictable so you need to take your precautions, especially as a woman.

-------------------

It also sucks that you are being dragged into this. But as someone who was in an abusive relationship, I have had to advise friends to possibly seek a restraining order from my ex as well. He stalked a handful to get to me -- including making fake FB accounts with their pictures and adding me (even AFTER the judge granted me a year-long Protective Order).

Talk to your friend about this. I don't know the history of this guy. All I've learned is that being proactive and not reactive is key -- and can possibly prevent a lot of turmoil for you in the future. Most importantly, to keep yourself safe from harm.

edit: It also may not hurt to go to the police station (immediately) with your friend and file a report of harassment anyways. I would strongly urge your friend to do this at least - so that he doesn't continue to bother others from her social network. It should only take about 20 minutes-1 hour of your day and will make your life so much easier if this spirals out of control. Just to start the documentation process and so there is already a record/file of it. He is essentially using you, most likely, to get at his ex. I can only imagine the other **** he must be pulling in the meantime.

 

[The Good Citizen]

I agree with Hoffy to make ALL of your friends (maybe even some close family) aware of the situation. Tell him to **** off or you will go to the police and file for harassment/stalking. Cut all contact after that -- block numbers, e-mails, etc. Even if it's an empty threat - that should do the trick (if he is sane).

If it doesn't stop after that... lol, Then I'd start documenting calls/texts/e-mails/etc to file for a temporary restraining order (those last for 30 days). And usually, that will make it stop... If he is sane. If he is really stupid and insane -- you may have to do what I did with my ex and go to court to file for a extension (lasts for a year). It also wouldn't hurt to buy a taser/pepperspray (which is good to have with you anyways).

Does he know where you live?
Does he have a history of abuse?
Criminal record?
What makes him "bad news", aside from him being a *********?
What does your friend say about him?

I know it sounds like a lot, and is the last thing you want to hear when you are sick. It sucks. But people are crazy and unpredictable so you need to take your precautions, especially as a woman.

-------------------

It also sucks that you are being dragged into this. But as someone who was in an abusive relationship, I have had to advise friends to possibly seek a restraining order from my ex as well. He stalked a handful to get to me -- including making fake FB accounts with their pictures and adding me (even AFTER the judge granted me a year-long Protective Order).

Talk to your friend about this. I don't know the history of this guy. All I've learned is that being proactive and not reactive is key -- and can possibly prevent a lot of turmoil for you in the future. Most importantly, to keep yourself safe from harm.

edit: It also may not hurt to go to the police station (immediately) with your friend and file a report of harassment anyways. I would strongly urge your friend to do this at least - so that he doesn't continue to bother others from her social network. It should only take about 20 minutes-1 hour of your day and will make your life so much easier if this spirals out of control. Just to start the documentation process and so there is already a record/file of it. He is essentially using you, most likely, to get at his ex. I can only imagine the other **** he must be pulling in the meantime.

I'm all for sound advice and I normally respect your views Ox Blood but I feel this is all a bit over the top.

Has there been another thread on this or am I missing something other than the opening post? (I did have a quick check but if so apologies)

Some guy who used to date a friend of the OP told her he liked her over text and so she should go to the police and get a restraining order? I understand you've had a bad experience OB but I don't see anything that malicious in this situation and I think if she went to the police station and said some guy has asked her out over text, they would just dismiss it and in fairness.. rightfully so.

 

[SophiaGrace]

t I don't see anything that malicious in this situation

I do.

The guy is making all her friends hate her. Ruining her socially. Isolating her, making people hostile towards her.

Slander.

A lie.

 

[Callie]

t I don't see anything that malicious in this situation

I do.

The guy is making all her friends hate her. Ruining her socially. Isolating her, making people hostile towards her.

Slander.

A lie.

I agree with TGC. You can't make anyone hate someone unless that person WANTS to hate. Free will and all that ****. People talk **** all the time, it's a fact of life. People lie to get what they want. All she has to do is explain the situation, you can't stop someone from saying something like that, it's not slander, it's just a lie.

 

[The Good Citizen]

t I don't see anything that malicious in this situation

I do.

The guy is making all her friends hate her. Ruining her socially. Isolating her, making people hostile towards her.

Slander.

A lie.

That may be but its not a police matter, he might just have got the wrong end of the stick, but its just day to day opinions and heresay and the police wont bat an eyelid at it. I think at this stage the advice should be to just set the record straight with her social circle.

"So and so says you like him", "well thats not true, here look he texted me to ask me out and I said I'm not interested". Thats not a police matter, its not going to make the next season of the Wire just yet.

 

[Blue_Eyed_Symphony]

Okay. Sorry for the late response. But I did make my friend aware and she is trying to help me. I forwarded her the texts and she is defending me. The latest rumor he told everyone is that he slept with me. I know the reason he is doing this. Him and I have a long history of dislike each other. I found out this is just a game of his because I've always told my friend she is way too good for him because he has cheated on her, yells at her, tells his friends she is fat, and wants her to be submissive to him. He thinks that I'm the one who told her to dump him and he is playing this "game". I feel like one of the celebrities harassed and rumored by paparazzi. This is way over dramatic. One thing I'm not is a ****.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Just continue to set the record straight and see what happens.

---

t I don't see anything that malicious in this situation

I do.

The guy is making all her friends hate her. Ruining her socially. Isolating her, making people hostile towards her.

Slander.

A lie.

That may be but its not a police matter, he might just have got the wrong end of the stick, but its just day to day opinions and heresay and the police wont bat an eyelid at it. I think at this stage the advice should be to just set the record straight with her social circle.

"So and so says you like him", "well thats not true, here look he texted me to ask me out and I said I'm not interested". Thats not a police matter, its not going to make the next season of the Wire just yet.

So you admit that it is indeed malicious.

I never said i thought it was a police matter.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Ah, he's mad at you and doing this as payback then. You were exposing him for the bad guy he is and now he's trying to turn it around on you. That's typical childish behaviour people like that do. I wouldn't worry about it too much, the truth eventually gets revealed and he'll come out looking more of a jerk than he already is.

 

[Ox Blood]

When someone doesn't stop after you tell them to "**** off" - there is a problem. It may be over the top, I'll admit -- possibly due to my experiences. But you know what? Better safe then sorry. Maybe the ex should grow up and stop being a dick.

When someone who is technically stalking/harassing, trying to isolate you from your social networks, this is a problem. That's how abusive people work. It escalates if you don't stand up for yourself.

I'll write more about this later.

Oh, before I go. Like I said, I only mentioned the police originally as a scare tactic. And if that didn't work, she should start a report anyway so it can be built upon -- thus being proactive VS reactive. A cop would actually suggest you do this rather than wait until something serious, like a rape, happens. Because the odds would be against you.

lol, And you would have had to gone through the system to know how screwed up it all is and how it works.

 

[The Good Citizen]

So you admit that it is indeed malicious.
I never said i thought it was a police matter.

Nope Given the information provided in the OP it was unclear what the situation was or whether it was malicious and I wouldn't be drawn into conclusions based upon that alone.

Regards whether it is a police matter, I still think though if its the case that he has said they had slept together and it wasn't chinese whispers and was 'malicious' (I would say spiteful or something more childish like that) I would be VERY suprised if the police were to pay him a vist and say "why did you tell so and so you slept with so and so".

I'm all for contacting the police to deal with someone who is systematically waging a campaign of sustained verbal abuse and defamation of character I just don't see it as having got to that point yet based on what I have heard.

Ho hum, it seems she has taken steps to set the record straight with her friend so that the main thing for now.

 

[SophiaGrace]

So you admit that it is indeed malicious.
I never said i thought it was a police matter.

Nope Given the information provided in the OP it was unclear what the situation was or whether it was malicious and I wouldn't be drawn into conclusions based upon that alone.

Regards whether it is a police matter, I still think though if its the case that he has said they had slept together and it wasn't chinese whispers and was 'malicious' (I would say spiteful or something more childish like that) I would be VERY suprised if the police were to pay him a vist and say "why did you tell so and so you slept with so and so".

I'm all for contacting the police to deal with someone who is systematically waging a campaign of sustained verbal abuse and defamation of character I just don't see it as having got to that point yet based on what I have heard.

Ho hum, it seems she has taken steps to set the record straight with her friend so that the main thing for now.

I think its pretty obvious.

You don't spread rumors unless you have malicious intent.

 

[Callie]

You don't spread rumors unless you have malicious intent.

I actually disagree with that.

 

[ajdass1]

It's good that you're setting people straight. I think that the more people who know what's really going on, the better.

Putting aside what he could do and what his intent is, what he is doing *right now* - spreading rumours about you liking him and having slept with him - is totally out of line. He's being dishonest and hurtful and he needs to cut that **** out. I feel as though it would be a good idea to tell as many of your friends as possible, but that depends on how comfortable you are with doing that.

To be honest I'd rather you overreact and have egg on your face instead of under-react and end up in a scary situation (that's my perspective since I have no idea of his personality). If things do get worse, be aware of Ox's advice and the options that are available to you.

 

[Hoffy]

Okay. Sorry for the late response. But I did make my friend aware and she is trying to help me. I forwarded her the texts and she is defending me. The latest rumor he told everyone is that he slept with me. I know the reason he is doing this. Him and I have a long history of dislike each other. I found out this is just a game of his because I've always told my friend she is way too good for him because he has cheated on her, yells at her, tells his friends she is fat, and wants her to be submissive to him. He thinks that I'm the one who told her to dump him and he is playing this "game". I feel like one of the celebrities harassed and rumored by paparazzi. This is way over dramatic. One thing I'm not is a ****.

How old is this dude? Like 17? He sounds like a douche and maybe was possibly hurt by your friend and thinks attacking her best friend is the best way to get back at her. Either way sounds like he's very immature and should grow up and stop playing games.

 

[SophiaGrace]

You don't spread rumors unless you have malicious intent.

I actually disagree with that.

Okay.

I will be more specific.

If you start a nasty rumor, it has no other option in motivation than to be of malicious intent.

If someone argues against that I really don't know what to say.

 

[Callie]

You don't spread rumors unless you have malicious intent.

I actually disagree with that.

Okay.

I will be more specific.

If you start a nasty rumor, it has no other option in motivation than to be of malicious intent.

If someone argues against that I really don't know what to say.

If you start a nasty rumor, yes, that has malicious intent. Not every rumor is a nasty one.

 

[SophiaGrace]

You don't spread rumors unless you have malicious intent.

I actually disagree with that.

Okay.

I will be more specific.

If you start a nasty rumor, it has no other option in motivation than to be of malicious intent.

If someone argues against that I really don't know what to say.

If you start a nasty rumor, yes, that has malicious intent. Not every rumor is a nasty one.

I really don't know why you are nitpicking this.

We are talking about this scenario the OP brought us.

Within which it is obvious the person who started the rumor meant it to be nasty and have bad effects on the OP.

Thus it is obvious that is what i am talking about.