He laments about "not getting girls"...and I'm right in front of his face...

[Luna]

...
...

I suppose I made a small step...
In the confusing world of "dating"...
I met him a few months ago...

I thought..."Well, at least I have a so-called friend...even if it is temporary"...
I don't expect friendship to last for me...
I kept telling myself "Don't expect anything...this will be the last time you'll ever see him/ You're never the first choice..." every time I saw him...

I don't want to be "THAT GIRL"...
That girl that calls constantly/ leaves 100x voicemails...
That girl that gets called a pyscho-***** and needy/ clingy etc...
If anything, I distance myself...

From the beginning, he only would call me once a week, last-minute...
Of course, I do initiate contact, but sometimes he doesn't respond so I let it be...
I'll figure..."Maybe I did something wrong?"
I don't expect him to call everyday...
But it would be nice...
To feel like I mean something to him?
I feel like an option, not a priority.

Every time I see him, he'll want to kiss or hug etc...
But the moment he's away, he's distant and cold...

Last time I saw him, he spoke about how lonely he was...
How he didn't "get girls" when in school, and had a sad, serious look on his face...
As if the light at the end of the tunnel went off...
I couldn't help but want to scream out...
"BUT I'M RIGHT HERE. HELLOOO??? PLEASE...I CARE SO MUCH ABOUT YOU!"

What confuses me...is that he'll go out of the way for me at times, like drive to my house even though I live 30 minutes away...
But when he's away from he, he sometimes won't respond to my messages...
Yet when he sees me, he can be affectionate...
And other times when he sees me, he's cold...

He even updated his Facebook to "in a relationship"...
Is that with me?
Or Casper, the friendly ******* ghost???

Problem is, when you declare your love to someone who doesn't have mutual feelings...then comes the awkwardness...and not long after, the avoidance...

I don't want to "talk about it"...and be labeled as a creeper and put him off...
I suppose we're not really "friends" either...
I don't know what is a "friend"...

I don't know how to start up interest in others or maintain it...

Just...seeking...advice...

(And btw, I know how trivial this is, but I am confused...if I have found a friend or not...?)

 

[Regret]

I really don't know exactly where the line between acquaintance and friend is. In this day and age of myspace and facebook, I really have no idea what a friend is anymore. I used to know, and had people who were real friends. Now it's like, just a statistic on a social networking site. I don't know.
Yeah, expect the worse and expect nothing from people, I subscribe to that too, and it generally works.

ugh, **** that hot/cold crap. When I did it, I lost the only thing I cared about. When she couldn't give me a clear indication of anything and led me on then chose someone else It pissed me off beyond my ability to describe it.

What I would do is just be completely straight and honest with him. Ask him what the hell is going on, are you who he's in a relationship with? If he's kissing you and then ignoring you, what's up with that?
Figure out where you stand relationship-wise, are you friends or is he romantically interested in you?
Something along those lines. And if he does like you, maybe make it clear that this passive, once a week hardly ever talk kind of interest isn't going to cut it.

If talking about where you two stand puts him off and gets you labeled as a creeper, then forget him, he's no worth it if he's gonna do nothing but this vague bullcrap. A relationship of any kind, with any substance, cannot last like that.

I know it's not so easy to do, and so easy to just say considering I couldn't care less about what anyone thinks of me anymore. But don't let him walk all over you and twist you around his finger with this hot/cold/vague thing. That kind of stuff really screwed me up and I still don't understand those five months, bleah.

That's about as cohesive as I can get it. Good luck, Luna, and I hope things work out for you.

 

[Coverage]

You say you dont want to talk about "it' out of fear of making your friendship awkward, but if nobody ever talks about "it' then how do relationships get started? He does seem to be sending a few mixed signals as to his intentions, but like he said to you he might be lonely and confused. He doesnt sound like the type of guy who has had much experience getting girls, so you might want to help push him along by inviting him to have lunch with you sometime or go to some event. If you two start spending more time together then you can see if there is an attraction/connection between you.

Your bigger issue might be this Casper thing though. If it turns out your guy is going out with a young, male ghost then try and not take it too personally. Casper could be bi, because I know hes taken a few girls I was going after in the past. It sucks because you try and punch him and your fist goes right through him and into the Pepsi machine.

 

[h i]

it sounds like youve been friend zoned.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Hmmm well I wish I could be of more help to you. I know personally I wish I had a girl who I felt at a close distance to. Someone who I could be emotional with yet not romantic. Sadly until my *** drive dies down a little I might not be able to do that. That is besides the point. My point is maybe you are that friend.

Maybe you need to find a boyfriend yourself. Maybe that will help to jar his feelings... it sure did for me...

 

[coricopat]

It's not trivial, and you have a right to be confused. From the way you described him he's either a user or has some issues of his own that make him 'distant'.

Agree with previous advice that the best way to know is to ask him straight out and make him give a straight answer.

Best of luck, hon.

 

[Luna]

He wanted ***, and isn't ready to commit...
That or, I'm not the one he wants to commit to...
Not that I spoke to him, but now that I think about it, he pulled the disappearing act and our last conversation was about ***...
Didn't even get friend-zoned...
But you know what?
I'm too good for him.

 

[Badjedidude]

*HUG* You are too good for him!

 

[Badjedidude]

Yeah, that's understandable.

It's sort of like trying to avoid touching a bruise, but inside you feel like you need to touch it anyway.

I hope things work out alright for you. ^_^ *hug*

 

[Badjedidude]

If I practice communicating better, I think it'll be easier to me to tell others what I want, don't want instead of always keeping it to myself...

Sounds like a good plan to me. I think you're definitely on the right track.

 

[Badjedidude]

I don't think it's totally necessary to contact him, unless you think it would give you that closure.

Probably what it would be best to do is just take this as a lesson for next time that something like this happens. And you'll know how to react differently for a better outcome.

 

[Badjedidude]

I think you should do what you feel. I don't have all the answers...I don't know your situation or his very well. So really all that I can do is tell you that I believe you already know what you should do.

Now it's just a question of going and doing it! ^_^

 

[Badjedidude]

Awesome! Good luck!