wwwocls
Member
Hi, all. My name is Jeff. Not sure what I want to relate but I'll try to keep it in the vein of why I'm' here. I'm a 50 year old writer who has Bipolar Disorder and OCD. I'm disabled and live alone with my beloved cat, Buff. My loneliness issues have been developed over a long period of time. I'm highly intelligent, educated and introverted naturally. In my life, my family moved out of state when I was 10 to a completely different area and I was bullied, hated and rejected for years. My parents split when I was 18 and my mental health issues started becoming uncontrollable. I can't work a full time job so I have no work friends and I tend toward solitary pursuits as I've long since learned to treasure my privacy. As many people in my life have been terrible to me, I tend to avoid society as often as possible (though I have a loud and frequent critical presence online.) Sadly, as with all humans, I have needs and occasionally (like last night) I get overwhelmed by the incredible feelings of loneliness that afflict people in my situation. With me, it's usually one of those things where I don't feel the need for human companionship at all for months then it all coalesces and hits me like a sledgehammer like it did for me last night. In those moments, which pretty much always happen late at night, I get so overwhelmed with an emotional need for people that I feel like I can't last another second without people around me. As it always happens in the middle of the night, I find ways to cope until the feeling passes. I've developed a hatred for human beings over my life. I definitely don't consider myself anti-social in a vacuum as I know the goodness that people are capable of and often achieve but I can't stand many things about humans in reality. I know many people with mental illnesses have experienced rampant hatred in their lives and can understand. So here I am! I can't forever suppress the human need for friendship and companionship, try as I might.
