Help me figure it out

[Onlyme89]

My first post,

Posting something like this is really weird for me, normally I fix my problems myself and sort of let nature take its course. But I need help and I need the help of complete strangers.

In my home town I have no close friends and I don't hangout with people here mainly because in high school in order to be popular or make true friends you needed to either drink almost every night, try every type of drug or sleep around. In I couldn't stand that, I couldn't stand that I had to follow people to the edge of a cliff just to be their friend, I have never followed people I always did what I believed was right and I still do that today. I was never looked at as a loser and I was never bullied, I had people that I talked with in class and people I talked with at lunch and people I talked with in the library while doing homework and people I talked to at my part time job. I have never had any true friends or close friends all throughout high school because no one really wanted me around if I wasn't going to do drugs or alcohol, but they didn't ignore me or anything at school. So I spent the 4 years in highschool not having a social life.

The first time and I went to college is for what I love to do and that is animation, I met so many great people and made so many great friends and I still talk to some of them today, but the problem is they don't live in the same city as me and two of them aren't even on this continent any more. I left that school because the facilities were terrible and the teachers didn't care.

The second time I went to school was for a 1 year program in fine arts where I met yet another group of people that have the same interests and we all got along great, but yet again none of them leave in my city.

The school that I am at right now is incredible, I have made friends with all three years and all the faculty, but again none of them live in my city they all live in the city that the school is in so it is sometimes difficult to go there especially now that it is winter. I have no problems making friends none what so ever, I am actually surprised at how many friends I have at this school. I just find it odd that I don't have any close friends in my own city, at my part time job i know everyone and everyone knows me we sit on our break and we all just joke around, but I have never hung out with them outside of work. Also I did start to drink alcohol, but I could care less about the stuff, so damn expensive to make that a habit.

So here is my whole dilemma,the college I am in right now, I recently met in my eyes the most beautiful and incredible girl on earth and I know 1000% that she likes me and we have so much in common and we talk for hours every night, we have some dates planned out where I will be spending the day with her in her city and then we will be spending the day in my city, but we are only spending the day together. I am afraid though that if she finds out about me not having any close friends in my city that she might not give me a chance. I am certain that she is not that type of person, but I really care about her and I want the opportunity to try and make this girl happy.

So my question is what do you guys think I should do? Should I be honest with her or just try not to bring it up, do you think my entire situation is completely bizarre? I have looked through this forum trying to find someone similar to me but there is nothing, most people just don't have any friends or are having difficulties making friends, I think I fit into my own category

Some one else's perspective on this would be truly grateful
Thank you

 

[jayme89]

I honestly don't see a problem here. Most people in college form friendships IN college and ONLY have friends FROM college once they graduate. we don't all have a large group of friends in our hometown to hangout with because they too, probably went off to college or have moved on. I don't know why you think this is an issue because its perfectly normal.

I think you thinking this is an issue and being so compelled to have to bring this up to her will make things awkward if anything because your obsessing over nothing. additionally, why not look around your current campus and find a roommate and live closer to the action? I'm sure if you ask your friends from school what their social life is like when they go back home you will see that they relate with you. All my friends are from college and now that I graduated and moved back to my hometown I have no friends here because I graduated high-school 5 years ago. So since then everyone has moved on, we've grown apart, etc etc. And now I need to start from scratch and the only social interaction I get outside of family are colleagues. simply put, you don't have an issue. trust me.

 

[Regumika]

If you think distance is a problem now, then you will hit apocalypse after college. Because 95% of the people do not stay where they grew up. Which means.. 1 in 20 will stay in their hometown. Everyone else will leave to see the rest of the world. I know it is difficult to find RL friends that do not require alcohol or drugs, then also connect with your personality.

As for this girl. Distance is not an issue in a relationship. If you see each other the same way (as super important) then either you will move to her, or she will move to you, or you two meet in the middle (eventually). Also, if it is going to work out, it doesn't matter if you have 1 friend, or 20 friends. Thing like that do not matter in a working relationship.

Personally? I prefer my partner to have less than 5 friends.

 

[constant stranger]

"Should I be honest with her...." you say? Yeah! Be honest with her! Lying to someone you care about is the worst thing you can do, and concealing something important about yourself is the second worst thing you can do.

You seem like a cool enough person and it's a fair bet when the lady finds out you don't have a lot of friends, she'll be flattered that you're interested in her.

 

[Onlyme89]

An Update

I have told her about my life and she told me about hers, she has had a tough time especially with guys, people in her past have seemed to use her as a rebound and she was mentally affected by this one guy. She promised herself she wouldnt date for a long while and even had a specific date when she would try again, but she cut it short for me, she doesn't want to lose me and apparently I do stuff to her that she has never felt before (non sexual), just what I express to her. I asked her for a chance to prove that I can make her happy and she asked for me to accept her.

Thank you everyone for helping me out on this, I have spent too much time being afraid and now I feel like a weight has been lifted and I can move forward in my life.

 

[Regumika]

I am glad for you.

Just remember that social status should have no bearing on a working relationship. If it mattered, then that's a sign for you to move on.

Take it slow. Don't lie.

 

[Onlyme89]

I am glad for you.

Just remember that social status should have no bearing on a working relationship. If it mattered, then that's a sign for you to move on.

Take it slow. Don't lie.

Thank you I will and I never thought of that before I was always just worried.