History and Standards

[Sunless Sky]

Hey everyone,

The main purpose of this thread is to ask "would you consider a serious relationship with the intent of marriage with someone who's had a history?" By history I mean, someone with a high body count for example (that means someone who's had sex with many partners) or someone who dresses provocatively in public. Is it a hard no or a hard yes? Or is it a "yes/no but..."?

I mentioned on a separate thread that my family is trying to set me up with someone. Well, they found one. They passed her my information and she said she wouldn't mind meeting with me. The problem here is, I was passed her socials and took a look at them. Long story short, I didn't like what I saw. Now I am wondering if I should meet with her at all. I don't want to waste her time or mine if I am not interested in the first place. I also don't want to just meet her and then say I am not interested as that could hurt her feelings.

What do you guys think?

 

[Unsigned]

Yes but only because my history and count is almost certainly worse - especially with women in the age range I would want.
But I'd have to be 100% sure that she would be faithful and the crazy days are over.
Which of course is impossible.
So here I am, alone in my apartment typing on the computer...

 

[TheRealCallie]

Nearly everyone dresses provocatively these days, so I wouldn't necessarily rule that out. It's the "fashion" or some honeysuckle.
By socials, do you mean social media accounts? If so, don't believe half of what you see there. It's mostly fake and not the real person at all for a lot of people.

I would say meet her. You never know where or how you will find the person you are meant to be with. She could surprise you. Besides, she said she would meet you, not that she would marry you. I get that this is a setup and all, but one meeting doesn't decide anything, does it? Take a chance. Maybe it will work out, maybe it won't, but you'll never know unless you try, right?

 

[ardour]

Don't waste your or her time.

As someone with zero experience I already know I couldn't relate to anyone with a high or even average body count.

 

[Sunless Sky]

Nearly everyone dresses provocatively these days, so I wouldn't necessarily rule that out. It's the "fashion" or some honeysuckle.
By socials, do you mean social media accounts? If so, don't believe half of what you see there. It's mostly fake and not the real person at all for a lot of people.

I would say meet her. You never know where or how you will find the person you are meant to be with. She could surprise you. Besides, she said she would meet you, not that she would marry you. I get that this is a setup and all, but one meeting doesn't decide anything, does it? Take a chance. Maybe it will work out, maybe it won't, but you'll never know unless you try, right?

By socials I do mean her social media accounts yes. Namely her Instagram. She has some pics on there of herself in revealing clothing. It's one thing to wear that kind of stuff but it's another when you post pictures for everyone to see. It feels kinda shameless which is not a good quality for a wife in my eyes, other people's mileage may vary.

Some of the pictures look to have filters applied but most of them don't look doctored in any way.

 

[TheRealCallie]

By socials I do mean her social media accounts yes. Namely her Instagram. She has some pics on there of herself in revealing clothing. It's one thing to wear that kind of stuff but it's another when you post pictures for everyone to see. It feels kinda shameless which is not a good quality for a wife in my eyes, other people's mileage may vary.

Some of the pictures look to have filters applied but most of them don't look doctored in any way.

I personally don't care for IG. Seems pointless and overly egotistical to me. But to each their own, I suppose. But anyway....

Did you just go stalk the profiles or did you friend her? If you friended her before looking, could her profile be private? That might not change a whole lot for you, but it would limit what the world can see.
How revealing are we talking about? I think what is and is not "okay" varies depending on your culture, country, religion, etc, so I'm curious about what you deem revealing.

Now I'm going to throw a disclaimer in before someone comes in and cries cold hearted *****. lol I am not trying to push her on you if you really don't want to give her a chance. I'm just trying to understand where you are coming from and play devil's advocate on certain things like social media accounts of women.

 

[Sunless Sky]

I personally don't care for IG. Seems pointless and overly egotistical to me. But to each their own, I suppose. But anyway....

Did you just go stalk the profiles or did you friend her? If you friended her before looking, could her profile be private? That might not change a whole lot for you, but it would limit what the world can see.
How revealing are we talking about? I think what is and is not "okay" varies depending on your culture, country, religion, etc, so I'm curious about what you deem revealing.

Now I'm going to throw a disclaimer in before someone comes in and cries cold hearted *****. lol I am not trying to push her on you if you really don't want to give her a chance. I'm just trying to understand where you are coming from and play devil's advocate on certain things like social media accounts of women.

My mother sent me her Instagram so I just clicked it and looked. Does that count as stalking?

I did not friend her, no. Her pics were visible to me though so I don't think the account is private.

She has pics of her in a bodycon dress, others with her midriff showing, others in a bodycon dress with her midriff showing, others with her cleavage showing too. I know to many people this is considered tame but I just don't like it.

 

[4No1]

Depends on a history.
If they cheated a partner - that's one story, if they just have some(many) experience - other(I don't care, it's not my business).

I probably wouldn't care about "provocative clothes" but I think I'm not interested in people who waste a lot of time posting their pics in the social nets, we'll have too different interests.

If she's young, I think, it's what most of young people do nowadays.

It's difficult to be sure by the word description, but it sounds normal to me... I think everybody wears smth like this, bodycon, showing midriff, if they are young and fit and not shy/low-selfconfident. Is she from the same culture as you?

Do you lose anything if you meet her?

 

[Sunless Sky]

Depends on a history.
If they cheated a partner - that's one story, if they just have some(many) experience - other(I don't care, it's not my business).

I probably wouldn't care about "provocative clothes" but I think I'm not interested in people who waste a lot of time posting their pics in the social nets, we'll have too different interests.

If she's young, I think, it's what most of young people do nowadays.

It's difficult to be sure by the word description, but it sounds normal to me... I think everybody wears smth like this, bodycon, showing midriff, if they are young and fit and not shy/low-selfconfident. Is she from the same culture as you?

Do you lose anything if you meet her?

She is from the same culture yes. That's one reason I don't like this kind of behaviour. Don't get me wrong, she might be a great person, I don't know, I haven't met her yet but, if I am going to consider her for marriage purposes then I need to know she'd be a good mother to the children. Having so many pics of herself implies a sense of self involvement and too much self love.

Anyways, no, I done lose anything by meeting her. I lose a day since she lives far away from me but not much else. I also don't want to hurt her by rejecting her after meeting.

 

[4No1]

She is from the same culture yes. That's one reason I don't like this kind of behaviour. Don't get me wrong, she might be a great person, I don't know, I haven't met her yet but, if I am going to consider her for marriage purposes then I need to know she'd be a good mother to the children. Having so many pics of herself implies a sense of self involvement and too much self love.

Anyways, no, I done lose anything by meeting her. I lose a day since she lives far away from me but not much else. I also don't want to hurt her by rejecting her after meeting.

If she's 20, she's a bit too young to think about children, but anyway I think it can change when she has them(she'll probably post her children then
Also I don't think you can know in advance who is a good parent and who is not, you can only guess.

If it matters for you and you don't like it and you know you will reject it, then I wouldn't go. If you are not sure, then I would take it as a little adventure/travel and then would see.

 

[Sunless Sky]

If she's 20, she's a bit too young to think about children, but anyway I think it can change when she has them(she'll probably post her children then
Also I don't think you can know in advance who is a good parent and who is not, you can only guess.

If it matters for you and you don't like it and you know you will reject it, then I wouldn't go. If you are not sure, then I would take it as a little adventure/travel and then would see.

She's actually 33. So two years older than me.

You see, I am not on board with that either. Taking pics and videos of your kids is okay. Sharing them with family or sometimes very close friends is also okay. Posting them online for the whole world to see is not OK. I just think private things should stay private.

Thanks for your advice 4No1. I'll think about it some more.

 

[okidoke]

I would meet up with them at least for the experience of getting to know people, which can lead to you learning more about yourself; how to interact with people, how you respond to people, how you can conduct yourself, etc. Even if you pass on her, leaving her with a great impression could be beneficial to you in different ways. Chalk it up to another social outing at least, be nice, respectful, affable, charming, etc. Who knows what you might learn about her that could intrigue and attract you.