How About Internet Cafe's?

[DreamerDeceiver]

I just think its hard because I think people are wary of strangers who talk to them. Especially if its the opposite sex. I might be wrong but I think I'd also say that girls are even more wary than guys.

I think places like night school or somewhere where you are all a group of strangers is better than public places because if I get asked for more than the time anywhere I think I'd be backing off.

Of course this has a lot to do with how people are individually and to a degree their nationality.

I'm super shy myself.

I must say you were spot-on in that post. I'm always told it's only proper that the guy makes the first move in approaching a girl and starting a conversation, rather than contrary. However I find it nearly impossible to do this as I often feel like a creep about it. Whether it be at school, at work, or elsewhere, it can be difficult, as not everyone chooses to mingle with groups and interact as a whole.

Nationality and ethnicity may have a lot to do with it, especially in today's world where multiculturalism and multi-ethnicity is a controversial topic. Being German-Chinese-Spanish-Czech, I find it notably hard to feel accepted in a society that is dominantly white- perhaps I haven't accepted myself?

In the end, it mainly depends on yourself more than the person you are approaching. How comfortable you feel in the environment you chose to socialise in, and whether or not you feel accepted there are key factors. If one feels personally connected to an internet cafe, then making a friend there could work, of course, though it would more than likely be a matter of trial and error in such a place where people tend to keep to themselves.

 

[annik]

Oh yes a male friend of mine said its harder for shy men than women and I will admit he was probably totally right because men are expected to be confident and make the first move. Though women also say they hate cocky so its hard to win as a man.

Hmm I'm not sure about the acceptance, that might be because I'm a white lady. My point was that in different countries there's different ways to do things (can't think how to put that better!). I mean I always think of Americans for instance as being quite open and friendly. Also when I was in Canada it seemed really weird to me to have people in shops chatting and offering outfit advice and coming in the changing rooms with you! I'm English I'm used to being stared at like I'm gonna kick something till I pay! Then there's England where you will be looked at like a crazy person if you sit next to someone on a bus when there was a free seat whereas when my sister went to Norway she said people sat together and chatted.

My long rambling point is maybe these things will work one place and not somewhere else because the national norm is a bit more stand offish.

 

[DreamerDeceiver]

Well, I've never been to anything like an internet cafe. I never frequent any type of cafe for that matter.. So my opinions may be invalid when it comes to comfortable environments.

 

[musingguy80]

I just think its hard because I think people are wary of strangers who talk to them. Especially if its the opposite sex. I might be wrong but I think I'd also say that girls are even more wary than guys.

I think places like night school or somewhere where you are all a group of strangers is better than public places because if I get asked for more than the time anywhere I think I'd be backing off.

Of course this has a lot to do with how people are individually and to a degree their nationality.

I'm super shy myself.

For a guy it is certainly a quandry, and I don't approach women lightly if they are on their own. In a bar it is different, as there are social conventions in such places. Personally, whilst women who go to bars are the same women who ride trains and drink in coffee shopse etc etc, I find it is sometimes more difficult to maintain a conversation in a bar as the 'relationship' is primarly related to the physicial.

The OP could be onto something with Internet Cafes. I am no stud or king pick up artist (trust me!), but I often find a smile (then if I receive one back) and commenting upon a book she may be reading which is an intro into a conversation is one area where I have obtained dates in the past. I am now 31, and life is different to being 18 lets say, and I can maintain a conversation with a woman I am attracted to without thinking about her naked. However, I find talking about a thing which is an 'intro' and then maintaining a conversation is the best way.

It is something that all men deal with, the specture of rejection and it happens to all of us. But out of maybe, I am unsure, the women I have approached I have never been told to f**k off whatever. However, I have never just jumped into a conversation with sleazy comments or whatever.

 

[annik]

Yes I'm sure its how you go about things that matters. If its a friendly conversation you're more likely to have a friendly reaction back or at least a more polite rejection. But come in with with crap chat up lines and you're gonna be told where to go.

I don't mean to be rude but perhaps your more mature outlook does come from your age.

I don't get chatted up much but I remember one time I was on a train and this guy started talking to me I didn't really realise what he wanted or think much of it. Without thinking I said I'd been out for the day with my boyfriend and he just got up and moved seats without saying another word! Only then did I think maybe he was chatting me up and maybe he thought I was trying to get rid of him. Either that or he was a jerk and saw no reason in talking once he knew I was taken. Still I'm sure he was chatting my outfit up more than me!

 

[musingguy80]

Yes I'm sure its how you go about things that matters. If its a friendly conversation you're more likely to have a friendly reaction back or at least a more polite rejection. But come in with with crap chat up lines and you're gonna be told where to go.

I don't mean to be rude but perhaps your more mature outlook does come from your age.

I don't get chatted up much but I remember one time I was on a train and this guy started talking to me I didn't really realise what he wanted or think much of it. Without thinking I said I'd been out for the day with my boyfriend and he just got up and moved seats without saying another word! Only then did I think maybe he was chatting me up and maybe he thought I was trying to get rid of him. Either that or he was a jerk and saw no reason in talking once he knew I was taken. Still I'm sure he was chatting my outfit up more than me!

The guy on the train was plain rude. Usually, if a woman doesn't want to know, she'll drop in a 'boyfriend comment' whether he is real or not as a 'this is my line' indicator. In those situations, I compliment the guy on his taste!

No rudeness with the age comment at all. Younger guys, of which I was one myself, sometimes go into it all guns blazing. This isn;t something I'd recommend. I usually find that just asking her about herself, not to pander to gender stereotypes but women generally do like being asked about themselves, is a good way to get to know her, rather than appearing overtly interested in securing a date. I am unsure though, I am not a woman! My last partner came from a chance meeting in a coffeeshop, she was reading Orwell and she interested me like that, conversation on Orwell led to me discovering she was studying a MA, which led to a discussion on uni's, which led to further conversation and then her number. A simple, "alright, nice skirt" wouldn't have led to that, despite her nice skirt!

 

[DreamerDeceiver]

If only "chatting up" to a girl with similar tastes/interests were always as successful as that..

 

[annik]

Yeah I figured after I'd said it that maybe it sounded like a line but I just didn't think. The weird thing was I'd just said bye to my boyfriend and he was still on the platform and saw it all! I got a text saying you've just been chatted up haven't you!

No rudeness with the age comment at all. Younger guys, of which I was one myself, sometimes go into it all guns blazing. This isn;t something I'd recommend. I usually find that just asking her about herself, not to pander to gender stereotypes but women generally do like being asked about themselves, is a good way to get to know her, rather than appearing overtly interested in securing a date. I am unsure though, I am not a woman!

I'd say this is good advice to younger guys and I'm a woman! Though I'm a woman of more your age so maybe I'll not thinking about what an 18 year old girl would respond to.

Funny you've also made me think of another point I'd like to make, which may seem weird. But to me I'd be more receptive to a man seeming interested in me in public if I was just in jeans and a coat or whatever. I just think I'd see it as more genuine and would think better of the guy that if I got chatted up wearing something more sexy. I know mental but that's how I'd think.

 

[theSmokingRabbit]

If only "chatting up" to a girl with similar tastes/interests were always as successful as that..

I would just about settle for finding a woman with similar tastes/interests, never-mind a successful chat up. Proof of her existence would be enough for me right now.