How can I overcome this fear?

[Mr. Sir]

I'm not bad-looking, pretty muscular, just carry around alot of emotional baggage. I wasnt always muscular tho. I am darker than I wish I was (look more Middle-Eastern than white) I am smaller than I want to be, and I think people think my voice sounds goofy.

When I was in middle school, girls called me gross and disgusting because I carried a handkerchief.

When I was 14, freshman year of HS, this girl made up that I had a list of girls I wanted to bang. They asked me what numbers they were on my list, and flattered by their attention, just gave fake numbers. They turned around and went to the Dean saying I had a **** list.

When I was 18, freshman year of college, I went on a retreat, and all the girls told this counselor they felt scared and uncomfortable around me "because of my intense personality". Then this one guy on my hall began calling me the "Stalker". He would scream it at me whenever he saw me and twice chased me into my room threatening to **** me up.

I am extremely socially self-conscious because of this emotional baggage. I was just trying to be cool, just doing what the "cool kids" do, but everybody laughed at me for this. Because of this, combined to a bad controlling relationship with my dad, I don't feel like a real man. I feel like everyone thinks I'm a ***** or creepy. I am so self-conscious.

I have transfered colleges and now am afraid to ask a girl out, because I am afraid she will accuse me of sexual harrassment. I have worked for months and months and months on social skills, and I am so angry because I feel like I can never be myself. I feel like there is something quirky about me, that makes people single me out.

I am 20 now, and if I don't get a girlfriend soon, then I will never have one, I will miss out on marriage and family, because nobody will date someone who's over 20 and has no Romantic experience. I need to know how to deal with this. I'm not gonna date someone who's desparate or trashy or fat, because I have worked too hard and I don't feel like I deserve to be insulted by being told to resort to someone who doens't take care of themselves.

Plese help me.

 

[Luna]

I don't blame you for being so self-conscious...you don't deserve that type of sick treatment at all.

You are now at a new college...an opportunity to meet new people who know nothing of the fabricated allegations that you had to suffer through previously. It's a chance to start fresh...perhaps join some clubs that interest you. If you don't have any particular strong interests, at least check them out.

I think the best thing to do at this point...is just to meet new people.
Men and women.

Make a few female friends...and if there's a strong connection, then see if the both of you want to go the next level?

To say that you will never have a girl friend/ marriage and family...is a bit rushed don't you think? As a 20 year old...with no romantic experience either, I have found that there are many people who will judge you for it. It even may be enough to put them off from wanting to get to know you. But...not everyone has the same mindset. Don't give up on yourself or everyone else yet.

There are times where I have felt the same to you, but I constantly tell myself, and believe, that no company is better than bad company.
If anything, a lot of people I know are in unhappy relationships, and stay. Why? Because they're afraid to be alone. It takes strength to stand by your standards, rather than to settle for what you do not want. You have nothing to fear...you just have yet to meet a good girl that will appreciate you for who you are.

 

[Mr. Sir]

I don't blame you for being so self-conscious...you don't deserve that type of sick treatment at all.

You are now at a new college...an opportunity to meet new people who know nothing of the fabricated allegations that you had to suffer through previously. It's a chance to start fresh...perhaps join some clubs that interest you. If you don't have any particular strong interests, at least check them out.

I think the best thing to do at this point...is just to meet new people.
Men and women.

Make a few female friends...and if there's a strong connection, then see if the both of you want to go the next level?

To say that you will never have a girl friend/ marriage and family...is a bit rushed don't you think? As a 20 year old...with no romantic experience either, I have found that there are many people who will judge you for it. It even may be enough to put them off from wanting to get to know you. But...not everyone has the same mindset. Don't give up on yourself or everyone else yet.

There are times where I have felt the same to you, but I constantly tell myself, and believe, that no company is better than bad company.
If anything, a lot of people I know are in unhappy relationships, and stay. Why? Because they're afraid to be alone. It takes strength to stand by your standards, rather than to settle for what you do not want. You have nothing to fear...you just have yet to meet a good girl that will appreciate you for who you are.

Thanks Luna

At times I make posts when I feel worse that I really should. I don't REALLY have no Romantic experience.... I've had girls that have come quite close to real girlfriends, and I've tongued and dry humped someone before.

I am far from a loner to be honest.

I have been joining clubs. I am really crushing on this Muslim girl who wears a hijab. She sent me a mean text tho the other day in response to a joke she didnt think was funny, I'm seeing her on Monday however at her club meeting. I plan on giving a speech about how an alliance between the Muslim world and USA would make America stronger, and I hope she sees I have a strong character in that.

Most of the "*****" or "creeper" image is all in my head. I think most people would be shocked to know I have the limited experience I do. I just wish I could get rid of those thoughts though....

 

[Luna]

I don't blame you for being so self-conscious...you don't deserve that type of sick treatment at all.

You are now at a new college...an opportunity to meet new people who know nothing of the fabricated allegations that you had to suffer through previously. It's a chance to start fresh...perhaps join some clubs that interest you. If you don't have any particular strong interests, at least check them out.

I think the best thing to do at this point...is just to meet new people.
Men and women.

Make a few female friends...and if there's a strong connection, then see if the both of you want to go the next level?

To say that you will never have a girl friend/ marriage and family...is a bit rushed don't you think? As a 20 year old...with no romantic experience either, I have found that there are many people who will judge you for it. It even may be enough to put them off from wanting to get to know you. But...not everyone has the same mindset. Don't give up on yourself or everyone else yet.

There are times where I have felt the same to you, but I constantly tell myself, and believe, that no company is better than bad company.
If anything, a lot of people I know are in unhappy relationships, and stay. Why? Because they're afraid to be alone. It takes strength to stand by your standards, rather than to settle for what you do not want. You have nothing to fear...you just have yet to meet a good girl that will appreciate you for who you are.

Thanks Luna

At times I make posts when I feel worse that I really should. I don't REALLY have no Romantic experience.... I've had girls that have come quite close to real girlfriends, and I've tongued and dry humped someone before.

I am far from a loner to be honest.

I have been joining clubs. I am really crushing on this Muslim girl who wears a hijab. She sent me a mean text tho the other day in response to a joke she didnt think was funny, I'm seeing her on Monday however at her club meeting. I plan on giving a speech about how an alliance between the Muslim world and USA would make America stronger, and I hope she sees I have a strong character in that.

Most of the "*****" or "creeper" image is all in my head. I think most people would be shocked to know I have the limited experience I do. I just wish I could get rid of those thoughts though....

Well, at least you're doing better than me hahah.

Yeah, I've read your posts about her, and about the whole text situation (oh boy). How well do you know her? For myself, I would have been put off by the comment too if it was someone that I barely knew that said that to me. And that's not me being uptight lol. I figure, she is probably a bit more conservative than the average girl. However, if she knew you better, she probably would have laughed it off.

BUT ANYWAY...I think that an honest apology would be good. Not tears-in-the-eyes apology, but enough to show that you didn't mean to hurt her and you'd like to still be friends. Some people can't handle a sarcastic, dry type of humour. But once they get you know you, they'll just get used to it lol.

Best for luck on the speech! Though I am curious...to hear your speech. I am all for cooperation among countries - don't get me wrong. But - don't hate me - a lot of the Muslim countries are resentful of the US. Does your speech include how the US and Muslim world could ever reach an alliance? Just curious.

I know what you mean about the negative thoughts. Every time I start thinking positive, there's a little part of me that pulls me down. I always have these thoughts of "ugly" and that "everyone hates Chinese" in my head from my experiences in school. Wish I could get these thoughts out...but it takes time and a lot of effort to heal. Just keep on going...keep your head up.

 

[epileptic]

Well, at least you're doing better than me hahah.

Yeah, I've read your posts about her, and about the whole text situation (oh boy). How well do you know her? For myself, I would have been put off by the comment too if it was someone that I barely knew that said that to me. And that's not me being uptight lol. I figure, she is probably a bit more conservative than the average girl. However, if she knew you better, she probably would have laughed it off.

BUT ANYWAY...I think that an honest apology would be good. Not tears-in-the-eyes apology, but enough to show that you didn't mean to hurt her and you'd like to still be friends. Some people can't handle a sarcastic, dry type of humour. But once they get you know you, they'll just get used to it lol.

Best for luck on the speech! Though I am curious...to hear your speech. I am all for cooperation among countries - don't get me wrong. But - don't hate me - a lot of the Muslim countries are resentful of the US. Does your speech include how the US and Muslim world could ever reach an alliance? Just curious.

I know what you mean about the negative thoughts. Every time I start thinking positive, there's a little part of me that pulls me down. I always have these thoughts of "ugly" and that "everyone hates Chinese" in my head from my experiences in school. Wish I could get these thoughts out...but it takes time and a lot of effort to heal. Just keep on going...keep your head up.

Sadly, Ive never known anyone of chinese heritage personally. Kinda wish I could have, but I grew up in a heavily white person surburban area. But i got this job over at fed ex and there are people from all sorts of backgrounds. There is this one black jamaican guy with this thick accent. Then there are several asian groups that im not sure speak much english. And a whole bunch of mexicans that Im not sure they speak much english either. Well, some of them speak english as their 2nd language i think. Then there is this other black dude named "Eno" that has this british accent. And then this White dude that is from South Africa that has this british accent. Then there are all sorts of black people and a whole bunch of cracker *** honkies(its ok to be racist against white people because Im white.) Its actually pretty fun there. But back to what i was originally saying. If you wouldnt mind, might you want to be friends with me?

 

[Mr. Sir]

Then there are all sorts of black people and a whole bunch of cracker *** honkies(its ok to be racist against white people because Im white.) Its actually pretty fun there.

Never let black people be racist to you. It's ******* ********, and it's not acceptable.

 

[epileptic]

Then there are all sorts of black people and a whole bunch of cracker *** honkies(its ok to be racist against white people because Im white.) Its actually pretty fun there.

Never let black people be racist to you. It's ******* ********, and it's not acceptable.

Obviously.

 

[Mr. Sir]

Then there are all sorts of black people and a whole bunch of cracker *** honkies(its ok to be racist against white people because Im white.) Its actually pretty fun there.

Never let black people be racist to you. It's ******* ********, and it's not acceptable.

Obviously.

You just said you were OK with it.

 

[Brian]

You just said you were OK with it.

Actually if you re-read it, he was making his own white racist joke, calling himself and other white people crackers/honkeys. Not saying the black people were calling him that.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

yeah...it wierd over here in the USA..

Only black people are allow to make racist jokes about black people

I'm asian. Fortunately I grew up with variety of race of people
when i was a kid. I was the on asian kid in school. It helped a lot.
Mostly white people but that's okay. I was expose to nice people
in my life no matter what skin colour they have.
If you look in my FB account about 85% of my friends are white.

If you look closely about 75% are female...
Actaully 95% of the stuff that gets writting on my wall are from females..lmao
It might give you an impression that I might be gay...lol But I'm not gay.
And i actaully have gay friends too. Actaully all of my gay friends are very loving
and caring people.
So discrimations/hate in whatever form is just ******** to me.

I've met plenty of nice white people and I've met plenty of mean
asian people...So it's bascailly just a matter of an indiviual to me.

All the racist stuff is ******** and a waste of time to me...
Obiviously I ignore, minimized or stay away from raicist people.
I can't change them and there's no piont in me trying to convence
thier piont of view or beliefs.
I just put them in the ******** section

However it dosn't mean I didn't have to deal with racist people in
my life or billies when i was a kid. There's still plenty of racist people
in the USA. Don't be in denial of that.

Actaully I've only gotten involves with white women as far as relationships.
Maybe I'm a racist??? lmao
No...all the asians women were taken so it was just a matter whos avaliable.
No, actaully all the women I've been with, asked me out

 

[heretostay]

I am 20 now, and if I don't get a girlfriend soon, then I will never have one, I will miss out on marriage and family, because nobody will date someone who's over 20 and has no Romantic experience. I need to know how to deal with this. I'm not gonna date someone who's desparate or trashy or fat, because I have worked too hard and I don't feel like I deserve to be insulted by being told to resort to someone who doens't take care of themselves.

Plese help me.

My husband was 24 when he went on his first date- with me. he'd never dated, never kissed a girl, never held hands. nothin'. we've been together five years now and I love him to death. but you know what attracted me to him- his confidence. i didnt believe him the first time he told me he'd never dated before. And i would have never guessed how many times he'd been shot down.

He also had a lot of potential. he was going to college and i knew he'd have a good stable job. If you want to attract a girl make sure you go to college and get a good job.

and fyi- im 5'6, 120lbs, and a personal trainer.

I plan on giving a speech about how an alliance between the Muslim world and USA would make America stronger, and I hope she sees I have a strong character in that.

I really hope you didnt do that. If you arent extremely good friends with her, arent her religion or ethnicity, then you really dont want to go there. girls like a guy that can make them laugh.

I know you are stressed out because you feel like you cant be yourself. i went through the same thing. but think of it more as you're learning different faucets of yourself and part of that is learning how to get what you want from others. as frustrating as it feels, its not always a bad thing to adjust your personality. you'll work your way into understanding how to express all of yourself without scaring people away. i used to creep people out and push them away, too. i was even referred to a psychiatrist. so i learned to curb my personality, but at the same time be who i am. its all about boundaries.

 

[Mr. Sir]

I am 20 now, and if I don't get a girlfriend soon, then I will never have one, I will miss out on marriage and family, because nobody will date someone who's over 20 and has no Romantic experience. I need to know how to deal with this. I'm not gonna date someone who's desparate or trashy or fat, because I have worked too hard and I don't feel like I deserve to be insulted by being told to resort to someone who doens't take care of themselves.

Plese help me.

My husband was 24 when he went on his first date- with me. he'd never dated, never kissed a girl, never held hands. nothin'. we've been together five years now and I love him to death. but you know what attracted me to him- his confidence. i didnt believe him the first time he told me he'd never dated before. And i would have never guessed how many times he'd been shot down.

He also had a lot of potential. he was going to college and i knew he'd have a good stable job. If you want to attract a girl make sure you go to college and get a good job.

and fyi- im 5'6, 120lbs, and a personal trainer.

I plan on giving a speech about how an alliance between the Muslim world and USA would make America stronger, and I hope she sees I have a strong character in that.

I really hope you didnt do that. If you arent extremely good friends with her, arent her religion or ethnicity, then you really dont want to go there. girls like a guy that can make them laugh.

I know you are stressed out because you feel like you cant be yourself. i went through the same thing. but think of it more as you're learning different faucets of yourself and part of that is learning how to get what you want from others. as frustrating as it feels, its not always a bad thing to adjust your personality. you'll work your way into understanding how to express all of yourself without scaring people away. i used to creep people out and push them away, too. i was even referred to a psychiatrist. so i learned to curb my personality, but at the same time be who i am. its all about boundaries.

I gave the speech. She liked it, so did all her friends. I am actually quite polite and socially well adjustable. It's INCEL now that's holding me back, with a touch of social anxiety.