how do I deal with this? (rant)

[Fvantom]

I used to think there was nothing worse than loneliness, but hell was I wrong. Ive actually made some good friends over the last few months, but I had no idea what was heading my way. I recently was hanging out with my friend when he said he wanted to chill with one of his friends, turns out these two were way closer with each other than either of them was with me and you guys, if you think you feel lonely now, not having anyone to talk to, count your blessings because the second you hang out with people who are close to each other, and they start talking about how much they care about each other and start bringing up memories they share, youre gonna be filled with absolutely unbearable pain. Anyway we ended up going to a halloween party (this was just the other day) where I proceeded to get so drunk that I made charlie sheen look straight edge. ended up having a good time at the party, saw some old friends, but the whole situation makes me sick and this is where the rant starts............WHY THE ****, AFTER 10 YEARS OF BEING SO LONELY DO I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS???? ALL I WANT IS FOR SOMEONE TO VALUE ME OVER THEIR OTHER FRIENDS, ONE PERSON, IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK????? I HAVE TO SEE IT EVERY DAY ON FACEBOOK AND DEALING WITH IT IN PERSON MADE ME WANT TO STOP LIVING!!

so tell me....please, how do I deal with this? and dont tell me to suck it up because thats just not going to happen

 

[IgnoredOne]

Instead of comparing their friendships versus your own, compare yourself to where you were. You can't expect other people to stop having friendships on account of befriending you, but you can be happy that you're making tangible progress in your life.

 

[Fvantom]

Instead of comparing their friendships versus your own, compare yourself to where you were. You can't expect other people to stop having friendships on account of befriending you, but you can be happy that you're making tangible progress in your life.

Im not saying youre wrong because I know things are a bit better, but have you dealt with that before? When your biggest cause of depression is having to have gone through the bulk of your teen years without any friends or good memories, seeing that will tear your heart right out

 

[IgnoredOne]

Im not saying youre wrong because I know things are a bit better, but have you dealt with that before? When your biggest cause of depression is having to have gone through the bulk of your teen years without any friends or good memories, seeing that will tear your heart right out

Kind of, I have. I grew up completely alone, in almost all ways, so the sense that I was completely different from everyone else was something that used to bother me a lot. Its strange knowing that you have no conception of recess, childhood friends, or everything because they have no part of your life - or a teenage life for that matter, for me.

At times, it made me feel like I had a vast gap in my life, or that I was something of an alien. But eventually, you know, I came to appreciate that being different did not make me worse, and in many ways, makes me better.

I can't say that I don't envy what others have or had, though. I do my best to make my world right for me, to get what I want and what I feel like I deserve, make up for lost time, and all that, now that I can.

 

[Fvantom]

I understand...its just, after being so alone for most of your life, having to see your friends value someone way over you, its terrible because if youve been lonely for so long, and had to see everyone else be happy, chances are youve developed some pretty intense jealousy, and seeing that will make those feeling more intense and painful.

 

[IgnoredOne]

I understand...its just, after being so alone for most of your life, having to see your friends value someone way over you, its terrible because if youve been lonely for so long, and had to see everyone else be happy, chances are youve developed some pretty intense jealousy, and seeing that will make those feeling more intense and painful.

I can sympathize. I suppose it can't hurt to make yourself invaluable in a way that they need you about as much as possible. Its nice not to feel the bit player, eh?

 

[SkuzzieMuff]

Try having someone that was your best friend at one point in time, do this with another friend that they always had problems with before you left, and now that you've come back, they're closer than you ever were with your friend. When you're the one to be there for them when the other friend does things that hurt them like talking behind their back, and picking fights over their boyfriend, and now that you've gone and come back for a visit, it's like you were never there in the first place.

Really, if you're going to rant, understand that other people have been in the same place before.

Lets call my previous best friend J and her closer friend C (these letters have no relation to their actual names)

There really isn't anything you can do about it. People will make friends, and sometimes, they'll mesh better with someone else. I am older than J is, I was always more experienced than J was, more wild, and less controlled by my parents. They were in a more similar situation, J and C were the same age, in the same grade, both heavily involved in theatre, they liked the same books, they had the same friends, and they went on to go to the same college. I moved 1000 miles away, I grew up, I changed, and they were still very much the same. I couldn't blame them for being close, they were happy together, and that's really what should matter. But was I totally bummed out and feeling like a broken front tricycle wheel? Oh **** yes. The bigger, stronger wheel pulling and influencing the two smaller wheels who were happy and giddy being together while I toted them around all night. And even then, C still does things to hurt J at times, and J doesn't even talk to me about it anymore.

But you've got to be happy for them because they HAVE a friend. It'd be better than J being alone, or in the ultimate pessimistic attitude, stuck with me, the horrible example. Might as well let them be kids together, and try to find someone who's more likely to be close to me. Someone who shares more of MY interests and hobbies. I'm still searching, but that person is out there. Some people just don't mesh as well together as others. Like the difference between acquaintances, friends and best friends, not everyone fits perfectly together.
I would have suggested trying to spend more time catching up with other friends at the party, or meeting new ones. But instead, you probably made a complete fool out of yourself getting trashed. (hehe) As long as you had fun, that's all that really matters.

TL;DR We've all been through this. Sometimes, people are better friends with other people. Make new friends, But hold on to old ones as well.

 

[Fvantom]

Ive been through similar situations multiple times, and yes Im gonna rant because this is the only place I really have to do so. Im going to bluntly give you my side, I cant be happy for people in that situation, in detail, Im desperate to have a best friend and Im not gonna sit there and be happy because somebody else is living my dream especially since Im actively trying to fix my own problems.

 

[Bluey]

In my experience ppl that big each other up constantly normally turn out to not be that close. You might find out that one day from this 2 ppl.
And metaphorically bumming one another all night in front of you is just rude. In other words they should had made you feel apart of it also and not just banged on about themselves. Sounds like they would not be good friends anyway. To selfish.

I have found that ppl are only your best friend when it suits them anyway. Just concentrate on being happy with you.
If you find ppl to go out with for the evening or day that's great but don't be seeking a best friend from any one person.
Maybe at first just try to have a few ppl to be able to go out with. If you can. That's not always easy.

But yea I hear what your saying. If that was me I would had probably asked them if they wonted to be left alone to bum lol
You gotta look at this things with a sense of hummer matey.

 

[Ak5]

First of all I think you're wrong. I've spent years without someone to talk to and I would gladly take your place. Having at least one person is better than none. I understand it's hard not having these "good memories"; who else to better understand because I'm living it right now!

By the way, you're still in college, that's considered to be the "best time of life" (by smart people). Also, you were invited to the party, so I think you care to them. What you have got to do is find someone else or try to become a closer friend (will take time though).

Coming from someone who is missing out on their "life", being stuck indoors 24/7 for the past years, I'd kill people for your situation right now.

PS: Yeah, there are times when I think it's not worth it anymore. Seeing other people having friends and girlfriends, and me, stuck at zero; it makes you feel like ****. It's horrible, like there's something inside you that's eating you, causing excruciating pain. The important thing is to let go and move on. Hard, I know, I'm still struggling; but, be confident, you at least have friends. You're not going to accomplish anything if you're stuck thinking about the past.

 

[Bluey]

Coming from someone who is missing out on their "life", being stuck indoors 24/7 for the past years, I'd kill people for your situation right now.

Why are you stuck indoors all the time?

 

[Ak5]

Coming from someone who is missing out on their "life", being stuck indoors 24/7 for the past years, I'd kill people for your situation right now.

Why are you stuck indoors all the time?

If you really want to know, PM. Long story short, I'm homeschooled.

 

[Sci-Fi]

I understand...its just, after being so alone for most of your life, having to see your friends value someone way over you, its terrible because if youve been lonely for so long, and had to see everyone else be happy, chances are youve developed some pretty intense jealousy, and seeing that will make those feeling more intense and painful.

This bothers me that you say this. Do you expect your friends to value you more then anyone else? This will happen within a group of friends, people will value one persons friendship over another. I had a friend in high school that I valued over my other friends. I know this bothered some and made them jealous, but that was their problem. I know my friend didn't value my friendship as much and that hurt, but it wasn't the end of everything. He was still a friend and I as able to talk to him about stuff that was bother me. Your friends don't have to put as much value on your friendship as you do. You don't know, they could talk about you just as much when you aren't around. You have friends, be happy with that, don't think they have to value you over everyone else because you do. It's selfish to expect that of people.

Could be you are reading too much into it as well.

 

[IgnoredOne]

If you really want to know, PM. Long story short, I'm homeschooled.

You make it sound so horrible. I had the same experience and found it rather liberating that I wasn't influenced by the mass hysteria of others, and it allowed me to develop my mind in sanguine peace. Perhaps with age, though, you'll come to the same conclusions.

 

[Ak5]

If you really want to know, PM. Long story short, I'm homeschooled.

You make it sound so horrible. I had the same experience and found it rather liberating that I wasn't influenced by the mass hysteria of others, and it allowed me to develop my mind in sanguine peace. Perhaps with age, though, you'll come to the same conclusions.

The only horrible part is the lonely part.

I've changed both physically and mentally due to me being homeschooled (I'm now healthier and more confident than before). Do I regret it? No. Was it good for me? Yes. Do I still feel sad about being lonely? Yes. Seeing that soon I'll be 16, can't wait to get out of it.

 

[IgnoredOne]

The only horrible part is the lonely part.

I've changed both physically and mentally due to me being homeschooled (I'm now healthier and more confident than before). Do I regret it? No. Was it good for me? Yes. Do I still feel sad about being lonely? Yes. Seeing that soon I'll be 16, can't wait to get out of it.

It does have its downsides, but fortunately, they're very temporary in the scheme of things(you'll be more than 'normal' by the time you're 17), but the benefits are permanent