How do you obtain lifelong or high quality friends?

[beachspirit]

I thought I would ask this question for everyone to contribute ideas, as I am sure there are many people on this forum who are asking this question.

Many people talk about wanting to make friends, but to me, they need to be high quality friends to make any difference. Personally, I don't see the value of having people who say they will be your friend and then dump you or forget about you when it suits them, or even worse, use you. The ideal friend is someone who is loyal, cares about you, that you are important to them, is there when you need them and vica versa, you enjoy their company and talking to them, and are there for the long haul.

Most of the people I have met who have these sorts of friends, are either family members, or people they have gone to school with or studied with and built up a solid relationship over a degree of time.

But what happens if you have missed out on these along the journey of life and don't have any quality or lifelong friends? What are some ideas to obtain some good quality or lifelong friends and how do you go about searching for true friends rather than the other variety?

Interested in hearing peoples suggestions.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

What do you have to offer??
You have boobs, or money? These two things I deem as qualities you should have if you wanna get friendly wit me.
I'll get really friendly with ya if you have both...
I don't want your personalities. I have personalities already

 

[mika90]

If u make a new friend I think u should just sit back and observe the person and just see what type of person they are. I think certain stuff they say or do will stick out to you. And if ur in a certain situation(a bad one) see who's still there for u and who's not. Me personally I went through and still am going through the same thing. Im lookin for some good friends(people i can depend on) but i dont just trust ANYONE. i had a few friends in school but then i moved and all of a sudden we lost contact(or people just didn't feel like keeping in contact). I'm kinda glad i went through that tho because i can spot out a real person for a fake person real quick.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Seriously though....

A friendship is a relationship. To set out of try to make a friendship last forever or instructions of to make a friendships last forever
is a question I don't really how to answer.

Simply becuase I've met a lot of people in my life.

I have differenent types of friend. I have childhood friends. I have high school friend, college friends, aduilt friends.

Bascailly we all pretty much went our separate ways..To live our lives.
But most of those people are mature adults now. So we pretty just as each other on the facebook.lol
We just chat about whatever...about life in general. Bascailly we're on good terms becuase living and serviving to
be our age...We all pretty much had our fair share of ups and downs. We're just glad to hear of each other and to
know that we're still living..becuase as the years gose by...people died.
Would some of these people have coffee with me or invite me to thier home and have dinner...Yes
Do some of my HS friends talk to me about some personal matters? Yes
Did I reached out to some of my old freinds and spoke to them about so personal matters? Yes..

As far as close friendship...this is what i deem as an intimate relationship...It has nothing to do with BF/GF..husband/wfie or sex.

At the sametime you and your partner can be best of friends.

It's like the relationship I have with my ex-wf, now.
We're more loving, caring and undrstanding towards each other now.
We had a lot of emotional bonding...that's from being open to each other. I did told her everything about me..pretty much all my secrets before i married her.

It's caring and loving someone unconditionally...opening up, being able to talk about anything and everything, being there through the good times and bad times, none judgemental.
Example...I'm currently working with a friend I've known for almost 20 years....We used to hang put everday for years, but life
gose on...I've been there with him through the good times and bad times...as he was been there for me.
Did I fresia up and did things that my friend didn't agree with???...YES
Did he do things that I don't approve of???? Yes.
Did i not see him for a couple of years??? YES...
Life changes...I've changed and so has he.
Do we hang out everyday like we used too?...No. Not at the moment.
Can we talk about whatever today? YES
Dose he tell me what to do or give me advice?? NO
Do i tell him what to do or give him advice?..Nope
Dose my friend understand me and can relate to me about life?..YES

Perhaps I'm just freindlier the longer I live...Sometimes life really, really hurts and can throw you for a loop. The longer you live..the more you'll wanna let go of bullshit.
That's why you hear old people say.." I'm getting too fucken old for this honeysuckle!!!!!"

It's kind of like life...it's a journey

 

[sinisterplague]

Personally, I've now decided a good friend is a friend who can get me booze, pot, or hookups.
Most people are fake. What's sad is when you find a friend that is not fake, but after spending enough time with that friend, you realize they annoy the piss out of you.

Other than that...uhh what lonesome crow said. And Christ you guys write long posts!

 

[VanillaCreme]

By being yourself. The people who appreciate you for who you are will stick by you. The people who don't, aren't worth being around. Friends or partners shouldn't try to change who are really are. Perhaps for the better if you have a bad habit, or something that isn't really good for you. But be yourself. It's simply appreciated.

 

[Phaedron]

I'm in the same boat... hoping to find people that mean enough to each other to be lifelong friends. I'm a deep person, forced into a shallow world, and I don't know where or how to dig beneath the surface and find treasure. Commitment and loyalty are things most people are lacking, and likely don't want unnecessary amounts of. I can't really offer any good advice, since I'm also in the position of needing advice, but maybe my comments can strengthen this post to some degree.

 

[nerdygirl]

When you meet new people, look for qualities that ensure a relationship of permanence, rather than satisfying instant gratification. A lot of people, especially when we become lonesome, are more likely to take what we can get.

 

[mintymint]

By being yourself. The people who appreciate you for who you are will stick by you. The people who don't, aren't worth being around. Friends or partners shouldn't try to change who are really are. Perhaps for the better if you have a bad habit, or something that isn't really good for you. But be yourself. It's simply appreciated.

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”

Dr. Seuss is in agreement with Creme



I'm not sure about high quality or low quality, but there exists the possibility to bond with most people I think. Common experiences or common tastes can bring people together rather quickly and closely. But like anything else relationships will change with time and there is a natural ebb and flow to them. VC is right... if you really want to find a sure way to find the best people out there, be yourself

 

[EveWasFramed]

Here, let me simplify this:

You treat them well. Period. The ones who appreciate it, will be loyal forever. Note, I said the ones who appreciate it. lol, I didn't say they'd be easy to FIND. Real friendship is when you have two people and each is willing to give as well as receive. (lol, no that wasn't an innuendo)
Go out of your way to let them know that you value them! EVERYONE wants to feel like they have worth. People gravitate towards that. True story.

 

[Phaedron]

I have a best friend I knew all throughout school. We've had periods of hate because he's taken advantage of me, ripped me off, take rather then give, etc. Now it seems we are friends again, keeping in touch. My point is, willing to give as well as receive does not necessarily make a lifelong friend, nor does the opposite necessarily negate the possibility.

 

[mintymint]

(lol, no that wasn't an innuendo)

I don't believe a single word

 

[Optimism]

I have two friends who I consider as best friends and I also consider my brother as a best friend, but I guess that doesn't count. The common thing that all of them share, is compatibility. Compatibility through (generally):
Sense of humour - finding the same things funny
Interests - to be able to talk about the same subjects (e.g. soccer, modern warfare 2 (lol))
Honesty - to be able to tell each other inner thoughts or perhaps things that are bothering us

I could add a few things to this list, but I think you get the idea. Another thing I should add, though, is that all of my close friends I have known for a long time. I knew the two best friends since the start of secondary school (that's what we call it in England, it starts at age 11), so we've known each other for like 10 years now. I believe that it really takes time to really know someone, and to see how they would react in different situations. From these reactions, you can see whether they are trustworthy and loyal, which is also important.

 

[EveWasFramed]

(lol, no that wasn't an innuendo)

I don't believe a single word

Id normally say, "smart guy!" But, in this case, I was being truthful. lol

 

[beachspirit]

Here, let me simplify this:

You treat them well. Period. The ones who appreciate it, will be loyal forever. Note, I said the ones who appreciate it. lol, I didn't say they'd be easy to FIND. Real friendship is when you have two people and each is willing to give as well as receive. (lol, no that wasn't an innuendo)
Go out of your way to let them know that you value them! EVERYONE wants to feel like they have worth. People gravitate towards that. True story.

It is good advice. I guess the important part of what you are saying though is that it has to be two people giving and taking. Unilateral taking is akin to being used.

I am by nature a very kind and caring guy which is great, but these qualities can attract the wrong kind of people who like to take advantage of that. Which is why I think it is important to have quality friends rather than just friends for the sake of it.

 

[Solace]

I have a number of friends. (but not many close ones...)

One friend I only see once every few months, but our families have been friends for years. She doesn't gossip with me about her frineds at school because I don't go to her school or know any of her friends. She doesn't gossip about me because no one knows me at her school. We go shopping together or both of our familes go out to dinner. I don't really call her often, and we don't chat in between seeing each other, but when we do we have a good time.

Another friend I can't talk with about anything remotely negative or she'll get disporportionally sympathetic. And she's quite a bit younger in mentality. But we have fun seeing movies or reading some of the same books.

A different friend I only talk about school and literature with.

Another one I talk to about most everything ... in due time. we're open with eachother eventually.

My first brother, all he wnats to do is joke. You can't even ask him a serious opinion on something. That's just how he is.

My other brother, he's a little more serious. He'll take me to concerts and bring me flowers he stole from the neighbors once in a while.

Another friend often needs my help. With an essay or emotional support or a place to stay. She's willing to be there for me but doesn't quite know how. *shrugs*

The point is they're all different. I can't expect the same thing from all of them; it would be too disappointing. Some get on my nerves more than others, some I see more often than others, but I know these people care about me and won't steal my wallet. Most of these I grew up with but not all of them. They're willing to be there for me in their own way.

 

[under0ath]

i knew a lot of them from elementary school and up mostly, as well as people from other schools within the community. the thing is, you can still feel lonely even with several close friends with you. i'd say school is the easiest place to meet people, as well as friends of friends which branch out endlessly :/

but sometimes they move somewhere far and such, and it can't be helped sadly. some people you want to see more than others, it's just complicated how this world is with people, and now that i think about it, i don't get it myself...