How important are looks, to you ?

[AmytheTemperamental]

And I think for those that say "looks don't matter" really means "looks don't matter - as long as I'm not disgusted."

What if someone's not disgusted by anyone? To me, for someone to say they're disgusted by how someone looks is very harsh. Pretty, ugly, whatever you want to label someone as, they're a living, breathing body with feelings.

Then my statement still stands. You simply don't have anyone that qualify as disgusted. Okay, when I say disgusted I mean it makes you take a step back. Stepping back based on physical appearance is no different than taking a step back from a certain personality that you don't want to associate yourself with. Like someone that is super judgmental, obnoxious, and selfish. "whoa, hang on, I need to get away from this."

There's a big difference between judging a physical appearance and a personality. Personalities are based off of words and actions, not just what the eyes can see.

 

[sk66rc]

I'm not putting an importance on looks alone but I think more people need to look at a person as a whole package, looks being a part of it... After all, which part of the car is most important?!?!?! Yeah, yeah, there are things on a car that people can do without... I'm talking about essential things... Does having 4 wheels on a car more important than a rubber fan belt that coasts no more than a dollar to make? There's a $4.5 million dollar Lamborghini... ... But without a glorified rubber band, fan belt for cooling fan, running a cooling fan, car's gonna over heat & die soon not to mention damages it can do to its engine parts... So, you mean to say, something that coasts probably less than $5 dollars to make, & I'm being generous for a piece of glorified rubber band, can ruin a $4.5 million dollar car...??? It's when everything works in unison that makes the whole thing work beautifully... It's about looks, personality, attitude, values, habits, belief system & everything else you can think about a person that makes him, or her, an attractive person...

 

[VanillaCreme]

And I think for those that say "looks don't matter" really means "looks don't matter - as long as I'm not disgusted."

What if someone's not disgusted by anyone? To me, for someone to say they're disgusted by how someone looks is very harsh. Pretty, ugly, whatever you want to label someone as, they're a living, breathing body with feelings.

Then my statement still stands. You simply don't have anyone that qualify as disgusted. Okay, when I say disgusted I mean it makes you take a step back. Stepping back based on physical appearance is no different than taking a step back from a certain personality that you don't want to associate yourself with. Like someone that is super judgmental, obnoxious, and selfish. "whoa, hang on, I need to get away from this."

There's a big difference between judging a physical appearance and a personality. Personalities are based off of words and actions, not just what the eyes can see.

I understand what he's saying. I'm really just trying to understand it better because honestly, I really don't care about looks. They truly don't matter to me. While I do understand what Regumika is saying, I just lean more towards the thought that your personality can be changed or your attitude can be adjusted more easily than your looks.

 

[Cavey]

This thread comes up so often...

I still maintain that I am entranced by the contents of the box not the wrapping it came in. Do I have people I find physically more or less attractive than others? Yes. Do I ever let that stop me from getting to know someone or entertaining the thought of a possible romantic connection? No.

Think about someone you love - if they suffered some horrific accident would your love suddenly evaporate? If so, you never really loved them to begin with. I loved my ex-wife - no matter how she looked I would have loved her.

I have no problem with people having a 'type'; a preference for a certain trait or physical appearance, but I do see a problem with people who limit their options based upon that preference.

 

[Solivagant]

This thread comes up so often...

I still maintain that I am entranced by the contents of the box not the wrapping it came in. Do I have people I find physically more or less attractive than others? Yes. Do I ever let that stop me from getting to know someone or entertaining the thought of a possible romantic connection? No.

Think about someone you love - if they suffered some horrific accident would your love suddenly evaporate? If so, you never really loved them to begin with. I loved my ex-wife - no matter how she looked I would have loved her.

I have no problem with people having a 'type'; a preference for a certain trait or physical appearance, but I do see a problem with people who limit their options based upon that preference.

+1

 

[ardour]

This thread comes up so often...

I still maintain that I am entranced by the contents of the box not the wrapping it came in. Do I have people I find physically more or less attractive than others? Yes. Do I ever let that stop me from getting to know someone or entertaining the thought of a possible romantic connection? No.

Think about someone you love - if they suffered some horrific accident would your love suddenly evaporate? If so, you never really loved them to begin with. I loved my ex-wife - no matter how she looked I would have loved her.

I have no problem with people having a 'type'; a preference for a certain trait or physical appearance, but I do see a problem with people who limit their options based upon that preference.

A small amount of physical attraction has to be there for the majority of us, and naturally so. This doesn't mean the "most attractive", or an ideal. Maybe it doesn't matter so much for people well past middle age, but for anyone younger it would feel odd to be completely indifferent to your partner's appearance.

 

[VanillaCreme]

A small amount of physical attraction has to be there for the majority of us, and natural so. This doesn't mean the "most attractive", the ideal. Maybe it doesn't matter so much for people well past middle age, but for anyone younger it would feel odd to be completely indifferent to your partner's appearance.

I wouldn't say this was so. Certainly not speaking for everyone in my age group (or the age I was when I first was with my guy), but being my age doesn't mean everyone cares more. I don't think age has anything to do with that really. Because someone 25 (my age) could care less than someone 45. I've not cared about looks at age in my 25 years, and there are surely others who think the same as I do.

 

[Cavey]

This thread comes up so often...

I still maintain that I am entranced by the contents of the box not the wrapping it came in. Do I have people I find physically more or less attractive than others? Yes. Do I ever let that stop me from getting to know someone or entertaining the thought of a possible romantic connection? No.

Think about someone you love - if they suffered some horrific accident would your love suddenly evaporate? If so, you never really loved them to begin with. I loved my ex-wife - no matter how she looked I would have loved her.

I have no problem with people having a 'type'; a preference for a certain trait or physical appearance, but I do see a problem with people who limit their options based upon that preference.

A small amount of physical attraction has to be there for the majority of us, and naturally so. This doesn't mean the "most attractive", or an ideal. Maybe it doesn't matter so much for people well past middle age, but for anyone younger it would feel odd to be completely indifferent to your partner's appearance.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with having physical attraction to a certain type - I'm just saying that limiting your options based upon that might just be the reason that so many of us are alone.

There are women I've met who are absolutely stunning to look at, but over time, they grew to look worse and worse based upon their terrible personality. Conversely, I've met women to whom I've had absolutely no physical attraction, that I've grown attracted to solely based upon who they are as a person. If you make physical attraction too important then you might miss out on something amazing.

I'm not middle aged... well, I'm about to turn 40, so maybe I am... anyway, I was 24 when I fell for my wife and I didn't even know what she looked like at the time. I loved who she was and that wouldn't have changed based on appearance.

 

[Triple Bogey]

This thread comes up so often...

I still maintain that I am entranced by the contents of the box not the wrapping it came in. Do I have people I find physically more or less attractive than others? Yes. Do I ever let that stop me from getting to know someone or entertaining the thought of a possible romantic connection? No.

Think about someone you love - if they suffered some horrific accident would your love suddenly evaporate? If so, you never really loved them to begin with. I loved my ex-wife - no matter how she looked I would have loved her.

I have no problem with people having a 'type'; a preference for a certain trait or physical appearance, but I do see a problem with people who limit their options based upon that preference.

A small amount of physical attraction has to be there for the majority of us, and naturally so. This doesn't mean the "most attractive", or an ideal. Maybe it doesn't matter so much for people well past middle age, but for anyone younger it would feel odd to be completely indifferent to your partner's appearance.

that's the best post of the thread !

 

[ladyforsaken]

I have personally never looked at a person and thought that they were disgusting. I've found a lot of beauty in other people by seeing them simply as people.

Note, I've also ran into bad attitudes that way, but that's another story

Yeah, I think a person's attitude has far more power to make me feel repulsed than their physical appearance.

Completely agree Bob.

I agree with this too.

I guess we all have our preferences in what we like or don't like in others. Even with appearances. I think it's fine as long as you don't insult someone for the way they look. To have an opinion of your own of how someone looks is fine. But I think then you should just keep the opinion to yourself if it's not something positive - there is no need to say it out loud that you think that person is not very good looking. I just don't think that's very nice. Or helpful in any way.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I don't know if my views have changed or not, but I have thought about this more.

Would I want to date a hot girl? Yeah, I mean, at least part of me does. But at the same time, personality is a factor. And one thing I've noticed is that almost everyone I've thought of as a "hot girl" that I've met anywhere in my life or even just seen, tends to have at least somewhat of a cold, critical, contemptuous, dismissive personality, even going all the way back to the school days. It's that "popular", "mean girl-ism". They tend to be mocking and disdainful and criticizing other people and things all the time, and if you can't prove that you are also one of the "better" people, they treat you coldly and dismiss you like you are trash. And that's something that I don't like. I've never felt the need to do it, have no drive or instinct to do it, I'm not into it at all. Like no part of me ever feels the need to find someone and be all like "hey everyone look at this *****..." Even if it makes me "incompatible" personality-wise with hot girls, I can't help it, it's just not "me", it's not the way I feel life has to be and I really don't think I could spend my days with someone like that, regardless of how hot they are. We just don't share the same worldview.

I think it's the fact that looks are pretty much an automatic ticket to being high-status. It's easy to think that you're better than others when that's how you've been treated all your life. Meanwhile I started out low-status, and still am though I'm trying to figure out a way to escape. But I don't get high-status people, I don't get their mindset, and I don't like how a lot of them just act like they are inherently better than everyone else, when in fact a lot of it is just down to luck. I don't relate, which makes me incompatible with a lot of hot girls, because we haven't had common experiences which give us common feelings and attitudes.

I don't know if I'm ready to give up on looks just yet. And I know that this isn't some kind of happy, smiley world, I've had bad stuff happen and I know it happens for others too. But I don't feel like it does any good to mock, ridicule, criticize, and fault-find all the time. And I know that I can't date someone with the contemptuous personality, no matter what they look like. They wouldn't be into me anyway, but still. I like looks, but I can't date someone without warmth.

 

[user 139760]

On a scale of one to 10, 10 being very important and 1 being totally unimportant?
I'd go with around 3. That's not how I view a potential romantic partner. I'm very unconventional that way.
That "lonely little troll" was the mother of my children.
That "hot, sweet little top model" turned out to be a lot uglier than I thought she was.
It's an ensemble. It's how you gel with someone.
More basic than that, it's if I enjoy someone's company and want more of it or not. That's all that's necessary.

 

[okidoke]

Short answer, no. But it’s subjective. I often saw something in a particular woman/girl that attracted me where other people didn’t think that person was much to look at. So, “looks” is different to everyone. As for its importance, I don’t consider that, because some intangible aspect attracts me. The more “beautiful” a woman portrays herself always makes me dubious about her personality. I appreciate natural beauty, but if they’re conceited, forget it.

 

[michael2]

For me its like this

1/3 = Connection
1/3 = Looks
1/3 = Shared Interests

I can initially be attracted to someone by any of those 3. But for me to really, really like them I need all 3.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

For me its like this

1/3 = Connection
1/3 = Looks
1/3 = Shared Interests

I can initially be attracted to someone by any of those 3. But for me to really, really like them I need all 3.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Looks… men never look good to me but they can be genetically appealing to me and that is more important than anything to me

 

[okidoke]

Looks… men never look good to me but they can be genetically appealing to me and that is more important than anything to me

You haven’t seen all of us men lol

 

[CenotaphGirl]

You haven’t seen all of us men lol

They just look like… hard… not soft you know … hard and rough

 

[okidoke]

They just look like… hard… not soft you know … hard and rough

We can’t all look that way. I see women as looking all sorts of ways.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

We can’t all look that way. I see women as looking all sorts of ways.

You do to me like rocks…