TheRealCallie said:
Quite honestly, it sounds like you are a defeatist, not a realist.
But, in the end, it's kind of simple. Stop wanting to be in a relationship and you won't think about it. Yeah yeah, IT'S NOT THAT EASY.....I never said it was.
I would start by accepting yourself for who you are. If you can change something you don't like, by all means, give it a go, change it, better yourself. But, if you can't change it, accept it.
Why exactly would you make a bad partner? And why don't you have confidence, social skills or an exciting lifestyle? Those can all be changed, so I don't understand how you can say you are a realist when you are that negative about yourself. A realist would understand that those things could be changed.
I do think you should forget about being in a relationship, but not forever, just until you start liking yourself more...you should really be working on that, not focusing on this kind of thing.
I dont have confidence because I am a realist. Believe me I know. Take my sisters for example. They are full of confidence. But you know how their brain is wired? Lets say they dont get a job after an interview. They honestly 100% believe it's because the person giving the interview was jealous and feared they would take their position. I of course, as a realist, would understand I simply lacked the qualifications. People full of confidence BS themselves all the time. Their failings are never their fault. Its always the fault of someone else for not realizing how awesome they are. I cant lie to myself like that.
I dont have social skills because I've been alienated my entire life. I would go years without a single friend, let alone a girl to talk to, even as a general friend. And people wonder why I dont know how to approach them, saying I'm a coward. I didnt ask to be alone like this. I like people. But I have the social ability of a 10 year old. Because thats probably the last time I was somewhat consistently around and associating with a group of people. It's not that I cant carry a conversation. Its that I completely fail at small talk, and that seems to be a big part of what makes the world go around. Its a 'normal' person thing. Im not normal.
And my lifestyle isnt exciting because it isnt 'mainstream'. As someone who spent the vast bulk of my life alone I never learned the ins and outs of what 'normal' people do to have fun together. I developed my own set of interests and hobbies, a mishmash of wildly different things, nothing focused, such as things a 'normal' group of people would do when hanging out. I dont believe there is really a boring person out there. Including me. Its just that what i like isnt deemed exciting by people who had a normal, healthy social life growing up. Thats 95%+ of the population, making my options very limited.
I think I like myself enough, however as a realist I realize most people dont like me.
DarkSelene said:
michael2 said:
Some ideas I could think of to help keep my mind off the subject:
- Focus on the benefits of being single, and do things that only single people can do
- Imagine how miserable a relationship would be because of how bad of a partner I would make
- Meditate on on qualities people in relationships have (confidence, good social skills, exciting lifestyle, being 'normal', etc) and understand because you are lacking these things, a relationship is not for you nor ever will be.
These are terrible and might even be one of the reasons why you're not in a relationship...
- Single people can **** whoever they want (some in relationships can do that also), that's the only thing
only singles can do... are you ******* people on a regular basis to miss it? And if you want a relationship, why would you miss it?
- Why? Are you going to deliberately cheat, betray, abuse and hurt the person you're with?
- Very wrong. You don't have to have any of those qualities to be in a relationship, only if you choose the wrong partner. Also, "normal" doesn't really exist.
TheRealCallie said:
I do think you should forget about being in a relationship, but not forever, just until you start liking yourself more...you should really be working on that, not focusing on this kind of thing.
^ Good advice, listen to it.
No I wont cheat, abuse or betray, however those qualities are secondary to what people want from a partner. Those are 'nice guy' qualities that mean very little in a relationship. I know a few guys who cheat and betray, and they are never, ever single, in fact you could say there is literally people waiting in line for them, because they have the qualities people want most: they are outgoing, confident, exciting.
And I'd agree, the 'right' partner wouldnt mind if you didnt have some of those qualities. But they, like me, are less then 5% of the population. The chances of me finding someone like that is slim to none without going through and dating a bunch of people, which will never, ever happen.
I do think 'normal' does very much exist. As an outcast its very clear how different you are from everyone else. Even the way I dress is not 'normal'. It would be better for me if i fit into some sort of group like hipsters or something. Even nerd. Thats considered being normal. When people look at you and they can almost instantly group you as this or that. When people look at you and dont know what to make of you, when you dont fall under any one stereotype, your not normal. Your weird, a wildcard that cant be trusted.
Well, I'll take the advice to forget about it. Thanks for listening guys, I feel with this off my chest I should be able to put all this behind me and return to my previous state of contentment.