How's this for epic fail?

toomanypuppies · Nov 6, 2012

I'm a 22-year-old female in San Francisco, and I still can't make any friends here. I don't even get approached by guys who want anything real - just players who ultimately focus on the physical. I don't stick around for it. I'd rather be alone now, than to be alone later after being used.

It's just really depressing, because this should be the easiest place in the world to make friends, and I can't even manage it here.

I've had this problem all my life. I think I'm biologically designed to repel people. (And it's not a hygiene issue -- I'm OCD about my being clean and well-groomed.)

I'm not clingy or annoying either. When I do meet people, I never pester them.

I've got a full life of my own. I work full-time in a career I love, I'm college educated from a decent school, I have (solo) hobbies, I volunteer.

I don't think I'm hot though. I hate my nose, I'm too tall, and I don't have ****s because I'm naturally really skinny all over. I also have zero fashion sense - because I have no female friends to shop with. Lol. Store associates will likely lie and say EVERYTHING looks good, for obvious reasons.

People seem to like being around me -- they volunteer compliments about my sense of humor, "good vibes", and energy.

But then they never really keep in touch down the road. It kills me to see couples and groups. For whatever reason, God/Fate/biology has seen to it that I'll never become a part of them.

Though I hope not. But the prognosis looks dire.

By the way, I've tried the "join groups/activities" tactic, but I always end up ignored/left out, so I quickly drop out. I cannot even enjoy the activity itself when I'm just so decidedly outcasted. That advice seems to work for others, but not for me.

theraab · Nov 6, 2012

I don't know why you would think it is easy to make friends in a big city - I live between NY and Philly, and every time I go to either always wonder how people can make friends there at all - the people there always seem too busy or too obnoxious to make friends.

As far as joining groups, you might need to give that a little more time - you may be leaving before anyone feels comfortable talking to you. And maybe try initiating conversations.

As far as finding a guy - you can try online or you can approach guys yourself if you don't like the guys that approach you.

From what you say, it doesn't sound like people don't like you but rather that people don't notice you. You might need to be a little more aggressive in talking to people.

Seeker · Nov 7, 2012

A Greek poet once said: "Never have people's roofs been so close to each other, and yet never have their hearts been so distant". I think you got my point, people i crowded cities are so used to be surrounded by myriads of people, that stop paying attention to people around them. As far as your looks, i would say love yourself first, and then others will love you as well. There is someone out there for everyone

AfterDark · Nov 7, 2012

What reasons did you have to make this thread; to tell everyone about this? Just to vent, or was it to reach out to people here? For advice, opinions or friendship? I'm just curious! Anyway, I wouldn't worry about appearance, I don't think that's the reason you haven't found anyone. Whether its true friends or a partner. Don't think I have any advice for you, as you seem rational enough to come up with any I'd be able to come up with

You're not the only one who doesn't have friends irl, but for different reasons I guess..
I don't have any real friends irl because I've not made the effort. I did have friends when I went to school though, but that happened kinda passively.
Also.. maybe you just haven't met the right kind of people yet :/
Take care!

Walley · Nov 7, 2012

what I take out of it is, that you dont necessarily have trouble meeting people.. just not the "right" people.
if you want a way to meet people where you can cut past all the superficial aspects and meet people that like you for being you and the mind inside.. well you have come to the right place!
because the internet is actually a good place to do just that.
ive known a few people that got married to people they met online even though they were half a world away!
and if you're just looking for friendship and people to talk to..there is also no short supply of that too.