I am slowly learning to accept my loneliness and how I never will be loved...

[QuietGuy]

Do you WANT TO BE part of the past or part of the future?

Good point kofe. You shouldn't mentally live in the past, or in the fantasised future. You can't change the past, or revisit it. And you can't predict the future. All you can do is live in the NOW.

Are you BURNING with a flame of passion because you know that eventually all you want to have will be yours?

I'd change just one word in that:

Are you BURNING with a flame of passion because you hope that eventually all you want to have will be yours?

There's no guarantee that you will. And you need to ensure your hopes and dreams are realistic, otherwise you set yourself up for inevitable disappointment.

But yes, you most definitely need to keep your flame of passion burning.

 

[strugl]

I totally understand luna. right now I have taken the ultimate step to complete solitude. I am not afraid of rejection... rejection is just part of my life like white is to rice.
I do not know whether it s my inability to do something or some shortcoming I have ......all i know is just as surely as the sun will set and rise, seasons will come and go I will be in the company of myself tomorrow and the year after.

I am not self pitying or anything I just have to learn to acept myself for who I am ...although its a daily struggle.

 

[André]

yeah, i know what you feel. I'm a loner, and i had to leran how to cope with. Now, i love to be alone. If you can't change who you are, you must find a way to deal with it, accept it, or love it.

 

[jmc]

...and...I don't feel sad.

Not everyone is meant to be loved.
Not everyone is meant to have friends.
Not everyone is meant to be important.
Not everyone is meant to have a meaningful life.
Etc.

I am slowly learning to accept, that I am one of those "not everyones".
I could continue trying to meet people through the internet, volunteering, social places etc., however, if my fate has already decided that there is no place in my life for love or friendship, what can I do? I cannot change or give myself what I was never meant to have.

There are those, who try, and try, and can never find friendship or love.
There are those, who do not try, and can never have a shortage of friendship or love.

This...is what I have had difficulty with coping with for so long.
I finally feel that I am coming closer to accepting my loneliness.
I finally have had my "Eureka!" moment.

For the longest time, I kept asking myself:
"Why me?"
"Why I can't have what _________ has?"
"What does _________ have that I don't?"
All of these questions, did nothing but to pull my self-esteem lower and lower. All I would do was draw comparisons with strangers, acquaintances, family etc. All it did was deepen the wounds in my heart a little more each day.

I am tired of crying into my pillows during night.
I am tired of feeling sorry for myself.
I am tired of getting my hopes up only for them to be crushed.
I am tired of destroying myself.

I honestly feel...complete. More complete than I ever have been.
Yet, it is almost as if I have no feeling anymore?
I do not know how to express how I feel...perhaps, it is peace.
Is this what peace feels?

My expectations of people...were far too high.
My expectations of my efforts...were far too high.
I have learnt that, you cannot expect anything from this world.
When you put out your hand to the world, it will be ripped away from you.

I cannot expect happiness...not everyone is meant to be happy.
My life...whatever is in store for me - this how I was meant to live.
I may not be happy, but I feel that...I am no longer sad.

Life is...what it is...

That was written with such grace. Thank you. Everything you said....I have repeated to myself time and time again to help me with my healing. I cannot bear anymore rejection, so I too have accepted my fate of going through life alone. At the age of 45, I have found contentment and I do not fear tomorrow. Thank you so much for your post. I cried....but they were not sad tears.

 

[grainofrice24]

Hahaha, oh Luna your way with words and more importantly your perceptive abilities have compelled me to respond. You've traveled down the rabbit hole in your head and found yourself at the bottom, trying to dig your way out.

I'm reminded of a quote from Lenny Bruce: "The Truth is what is...and what should be, is nothing but a horrible lie...given to us long ago."

You're right...you cant win. Some of us are meant to lose...it's just the way things go. And funnily enough, a whole bunch of us who have found ourselves on the losing end, have made their way here to these forums in an attempt to find comfort in the words of others like us. It's terrifying to me the idea of people in their early 20's (me = 23) to find themselves not so much in "life", but a "life sentence". In what seems like a punishment for a previous life's misgivings, we are given nothing but our words and minds to acknowledge and be painfully aware of what we don't have, but will always want.

I used to agree with the sentiment displayed oh so well by Mr. Ed Harris, that we should fight to the bitter end our cruel design flaws and struggle for happiness. But sometimes I feel like my flaws are like a web, and I'm an insect caught in it...struggling only makes things worse. Some might say - "It's not how hard you hit, it's how hard you can get hit and keep getting up", but even some of the greatest boxers/fighters in the game will tell you, that the best thing you can do sometimes...is stay down.

Don't get me wrong, I'll fight it, but deep down, I don't much feel like a fighter...I just resent being dealt a lousy hand and punished for not winning the game...that's all.

Best of luck...I truly believe that nobody deserves to be lonely...but if I can regurgitate one more quote by Mr. Clint Eastwood...sometimes in life..."Deserve" has got nothing to do with it...

 

[SaveMe]

I didnt think that anyone else felt like this, I know people always say you aren't alone and now I believe them. I'll do anything I can to brighten your day everyday because I know how you're feeling, Luna.

 

[Pheenix]

Luna, this is not true, and had your post been extrospective instead of introspective, you would surely have realized the logical fallacy you have committed.
People can socialize. You are a person. Therefore you can socialize.
Unless you are mentally or physically handicapped, this is the case for you. It may require practice and paradigm-shifting, but it is the truth, and it is a sin to ignore it.
The problem is that for most of us loners, the problem lies not in skill but in mentality. We do not view social situations the same way as others, and therefore they befuddle us to no end.

 

[putter65]

Luna, this is not true, and had your post been extrospective instead of introspective, you would surely have realized the logical fallacy you have committed.
People can socialize. You are a person. Therefore you can socialize.
Unless you are mentally or physically handicapped, this is the case for you. It may require practice and paradigm-shifting, but it is the truth, and it is a sin to ignore it.
The problem is that for most of us loners, the problem lies not in skill but in mentality. We do not view social situations the same way as others, and therefore they befuddle us to no end.

I agree with the last paragraph. While everybody else (it seems !) loves having parties, get togethers, drinking, barbeques etc, I don't. I shy away from them. It doesn't mean I don't like people or I'm not friendly. I am just different to everybody else. Because of this, I have less friends, I go out less often and my life can be lonely at times. This is my choosing though. I never liked parties when I was a youngster. I hated them even more when drinking become involved. I have tried to socialize in the past and I have found I've simply not enjoyed it. I like one to one situations. Me and somebody else, I like that.

 

[Adrolak]

Not everyone is meant to have a meaningful life.

Well Luna, let me tell you this: it's all a matter of what you find meaningful. I believe that you should find meaning in your life, that you should have a purpose, and let me tell you this quote from Viktor Frankl here ( yes I know it seems like I use a lot of quotes, but why repeat what somebody else has said so much better before? ) "Forces beyond our control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you respond to the situation. You cannot control what happens to you in life, but you can always control what you will feel and do about what happens to you." Viktor E. Frankl and with that, "Suffering in and of itself is meaningless, we give our suffering meaning by the way in which we respond to it." . You can find meaning in your life through achievement, through love and or devotion, and through suffering. Once you can find a purpose to your life and existence, you will become completely at peace with what's happening. It's up to you to find that meaning, and embrace it! You can find it in your psyche yes, but it is far FAR easier to find meaning to your life in the world, for not all answers lay inside the mind.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I think I am at the point where Luna was at a while ago "I am slowly learning to accept my loneliness and how I will never be loved..."

She's happier now though.