I Feel Like A Ghost

[TheSolitaryMan]

Sometimes I feel like I just don't even exist. I can't put into words how depressing it is. It's literally like nothing I do all day matters to anyone, no one even notices me.

Here's what I generally do every day at Uni:

Work --> Lunch --> Work --> Home.

Sometimes I will have a huge lunch gap on my timetable. Today I got out of work early and it was a massive 4 hours long.

So I did what I always do: I went to the room I always go to, I ate my lunch on my own as I always do and then I just sat there.

I dug out a textbook and did some meaningless work, other than that, just sat there wishing I was home.

After an hour and a half I decided I would wander around campus, try to even just make chit-chat with strangers or catch their eyes. I walked about, sat in different areas for the next 3 hours.

I came across no one I know, not a single person even looked at me.

It's got to the point where I will hold doors open for random people for an excessive time just so someone will perhaps speak to me, even if it's something as short as "Thanks".

After spending my four hours feeling like a waste of space, I went to my lecture, talked to people, said goodbye and no one even responded.

I've tried following groups along at lunch to see where they all go, but they generally just don't even say anything to me and I feel embarrassed and go sit on my own again.

I'm so sick of feeling like I'm just invisible. I'd rather people actually disliked me rather than just not even notice me.

Does anyone else ever feel like this?

 

[Ak5]

I have some "ghost stories" about me in Jr. High. Yeah, it's horrible.

Maybe your being too nice? People would just take advantage of that and use you only for that. Where do you "hang out" most by yourself at Uni? Talk to the people you most see there. They must surely notice you and wonder "Who is that guy?"

 

[Henbee]

I feel like this all the time, even when I'm with people.

 

[RJLJD]

feel similar.

the circumstances of my schedule this semester have made it less painful, but in the past i'd have breaks a couple hours at a time. i'd just go to the library and do my homework until i got it done, and then sit at the computer and try to find something to pass my time until i was done waiting for my next class.

i remember decided to get some lunch once. i felt so out of place in the cafeteria with no one to talk to, it was just uncomfortable. i hated it. i refused to do it again.

i thank god for the friends that i do have.

 

[Henbee]

I'm lucky with my course because I can hide away at the studio and paint/draw whatever because that's what everyone does and it's okay, but when I leave I feel like no one noticed, and even though I have friends there (they are not my "close" friends) I get paranoid that it's all fake and it's all a façade. I just feel so insecure. I find myself trying to find people to have lunch with and it makes me sad that I have to do that. I've always relied on a boyfriend I think and being alone for the first time in 5years is really strange.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Where do you "hang out" most by yourself at Uni? Talk to the people you most see there. They must surely notice you and wonder "Who is that guy?"

The thing is, they don't. They're just random people from other courses, mostly other sciences.

I never really see the same two people twice. If I'm really lucky some girl might accidentally look in my direction once a week there or something, but that's about the most interaction I get.

It's not something I can build on there, and I've been going like this for a whole year so far. I'm not sure I can actually take it much longer without becoming seriously unhappy.

I'm lucky with my course because I can hide away at the studio and paint/draw whatever because that's what everyone does and it's okay, but when I leave I feel like no one noticed, and even though I have friends there (they are not my "close" friends) I get paranoid that it's all fake and it's all a façade. I just feel so insecure. I find myself trying to find people to have lunch with and it makes me sad that I have to do that. I've always relied on a boyfriend I think and being alone for the first time in 5years is really strange.

Yeah, having a partner and a creative course lets you escape from this void a little I suppose. Unfortunately my course is just numbers, facts and tough concepts, so my brain can't just ease into the work.

I haven't got a girlfriend and I've never had one either, that just makes it more painful to be honest.

Every day I have to listen to some guy talking on his phone or in person to his GF while I just sit there, it makes it worse.

The other day there were a bunch of girls in the room loudly talking about how many guys they'd got with. They were laughing at some guy who was 19 and a virgin...I'm 21 in 6 months and a virgin so that made me feel great.

My phone hasn't had a call or text for four months now.

I went to a party last week and I felt like a human being for the first time in God knows how long. I felt like people actually cared about me.

Unfortunately I'm back to reality now - I have so much work I won't have a chance to go out for at least another month, so all I have to look forward to is more of this.

 

[beans]

Yes.

I think you should change the way you dress or something. Go to lecture with a blue wig. My friend did that and that's how he started to get girls and guys to talk to him. Because it was so striking like that.

 

[Syber Tiger]

i understan u compleaty my life is like that

and ppl only see you when they need you to do there crap (D)

i want it to end so bad,but it never dont
like u say even if u try it dont work still the same,so why do we try

we better off dead,ppl wont even know we dead,they will say "hey looks like someone missing" "who?" "i dont know,waht ever....."

 

[putter65]

I found school to be like that. People didn't talk to me or if they did it was to make fun.

Office jobs were the same, and working in large retail places.

Smaller retail places (where you get maybe 3 or 4 staff) were totally different. I realized that straight away, the staff talked to me, customers talked to me. 15 years later and I chat all the time, everybody notices me. I can't be quiet because people come upto me and ask me why. Hundreds of people a day say 'hi' to me, they ask me how I am, they call me by my name.

So there is probably nothing wrong with the original poster. He's just in the wrong place and with the wrong people. He has to find people who apprieciate him.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Here's what I generally do every day at Uni:

Work --> Lunch --> Work --> Home.

That looks a lot like my day, except I stay at work for lunch. I hate having to lock the place up to leave. I like being a ghost sometimes though, especially when I go to stores I don't want anyone to notice me. I like to get in, get what I need, maybe look around for a bit, and get out and home.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Where do you "hang out" most by yourself at Uni? Talk to the people you most see there. They must surely notice you and wonder "Who is that guy?"

The thing is, they don't. They're just random people from other courses, mostly other sciences.

I never really see the same two people twice. If I'm really lucky some girl might accidentally look in my direction once a week there or something, but that's about the most interaction I get.

It's not something I can build on there, and I've been going like this for a whole year so far. I'm not sure I can actually take it much longer without becoming seriously unhappy.

I'm lucky with my course because I can hide away at the studio and paint/draw whatever because that's what everyone does and it's okay, but when I leave I feel like no one noticed, and even though I have friends there (they are not my "close" friends) I get paranoid that it's all fake and it's all a façade. I just feel so insecure. I find myself trying to find people to have lunch with and it makes me sad that I have to do that. I've always relied on a boyfriend I think and being alone for the first time in 5years is really strange.

Yeah, having a partner and a creative course lets you escape from this void a little I suppose. Unfortunately my course is just numbers, facts and tough concepts, so my brain can't just ease into the work.

I haven't got a girlfriend and I've never had one either, that just makes it more painful to be honest.

Every day I have to listen to some guy talking on his phone or in person to his GF while I just sit there, it makes it worse.

The other day there were a bunch of girls in the room loudly talking about how many guys they'd got with. They were laughing at some guy who was 19 and a virgin...I'm 21 in 6 months and a virgin so that made me feel great.

My phone hasn't had a call or text for four months now.

I went to a party last week and I felt like a human being for the first time in God knows how long. I felt like people actually cared about me.

Unfortunately I'm back to reality now - I have so much work I won't have a chance to go out for at least another month, so all I have to look forward to is more of this.

Dude if you give me your number and you live in the usa, I will text you.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Dude if you give me your number and you live in the usa, I will text you.

Thanks for the kind offer Sophia. Unfortunately I'm a Brit and so it'd be ludicrously expensive. I appreciate it anyway

 

[SophiaGrace]

Dude if you give me your number and you live in the usa, I will text you.

Thanks for the kind offer Sophia. Unfortunately I'm a Brit and so it'd be ludicrously expensive. I appreciate it anyway

Darn it.

 

[Ak5]

There has got to be some people. I mean, is your university that big that you don't see the same person at least every day?

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

There has got to be some people. I mean, is your university that big that you don't see the same person at least every day?

There really wasn't anyone that particular day. I went into a "finishing off" lab session, I was the only person there when I arrived.

I only saw people I knew after those 4 and a bit hours.

I think perhaps I was in a bad mood when I posted the OP. It is crappy in general, but it really hit me hard that day.

I'll see how this week goes. I'm considering just saying hi to random people, see what happens. It could be a good way to boost my confidence.

 

[Ak5]

Good luck then.

 

[ensom]

I can really relate to your posts. A lot of the time I feel no more regarded than a potted plant in the corner of a room.

It seems to me that wandering around campus isn't a good way to meet people in general. You might have small exchanges with others (someone saying "thanks" when you hold open the door), but I think it would be difficult to start anything substantial. Remember that a lot of people are on the move and concerned with their own issues.

Have you tried studying with others? That might be a good way to make friends, especially since you're in a program that deals with numbers and concepts. Even if you yourself don't need the help, you could help others; I'm sure they'd appreciate that, and it would guarantee there would be some mutual interaction between you and them. Plus, study sessions in university are usually part study and part social, so it could be a good way to get to know other people in your program. Don't know if you've tried this, but it might help.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Plus, study sessions in university are usually part study and part social, so it could be a good way to get to know other people in your program. Don't know if you've tried this, but it might help.

Yeah, this is weird, but several times I've tried to get people interested in meeting up for coffee and a chat about the work, but invariably 4-5 people say they'll head over for it and then don't turn up.

I even had a girl recently (at that party) say "Sorry I wasn't there before, tell me next time and I'll come along, I really need to talk about X." She seemed genuine too.

Then I mentioned it, no one came along again...

 

[ardour]

Plus, study sessions in university are usually part study and part social, so it could be a good way to get to know other people in your program. Don't know if you've tried this, but it might help.

Yeah, this is weird, but several times I've tried to get people interested in meeting up for coffee and a chat about the work, but invariably 4-5 people say they'll head over for it and then don't turn up.

I even had a girl recently (at that party) say "Sorry I wasn't there before, tell me next time and I'll come along, I really need to talk about X." She seemed genuine too.

Then I mentioned it, no one came along again...

There aren't there study groups or informal tutorials related to the courses? Yeah your post is like a University flashback. It can be such an isolating environment when you're surrounded by thousands of people but it feels like you'll never know anyone.

There have to clubs on campus. That might be you're best bet. You won't stick out if it's something that genuinely interests you.