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heretostay

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First of all can i just say, I love this forum- there is no where else on the planet i would feel comfortable saying this...lol. BUT im so excited! i actually made a friend and i think we actually get along. this almost never happens for me- especially since ive been married. i seriously have not had one friend for three or four years :(. i dont get along with most girls and making guys friends doesnt work with my situation, but i met this girl in my class and she's really cool. im actually going to hang out with someone else besides my H this weekend!!! lol.
 
I'm glad for you.

Maybe this should be a new thread but you've got me thinking...how many of you are married but yet feel lonely? I'm married (for twenty years) and my wife and I have been living in our current community for nine years. We have tons of acquaintances (I have a ten year old son and many of the acquaintances are other parents we see at sports events, school events, etc.). As a couple, we have not really socialized with other couples much and I don't consider most of our acquaintances as real friends. My wife has made some friends of other wives and we have socialized a little as couples but I usually don't seem to click with the other husbands even though we seem to have a good time when we are out. Needless to say, I don't feel really connected to anyone or the community in general. I feel like an outsider many times though I know this is probably in my own head and not quite reality. I work long hours and, honestly, on the weekends I just want to be with my family (and take care of things I can't get done during the week) and even to make the effort to socialize seems like it's not worth it.

Anybody else feel similar? What do you think?
 
heretostay said:
First of all can i just say, I love this forum- there is no where else on the planet i would feel comfortable saying this...lol. BUT im so excited! i actually made a friend and i think we actually get along. this almost never happens for me- especially since ive been married. i seriously have not had one friend for three or four years :(. i dont get along with most girls and making guys friends doesnt work with my situation, but i met this girl in my class and she's really cool. im actually going to hang out with someone else besides my H this weekend!!! lol.

Good on you Heretostay!

pschif8480 said:
I'm glad for you.

Maybe this should be a new thread but you've got me thinking...how many of you are married but yet feel lonely? I'm married (for twenty years) and my wife and I have been living in our current community for nine years.

I think there is a thread like this somewhere in the dark corridors of the forum that could probably be revived.

pschif8480 said:
We have tons of acquaintances (I have a ten year old son and many of the acquaintances are other parents we see at sports events, school events, etc.). As a couple, we have not really socialized with other couples much and I don't consider most of our acquaintances as real friends. My wife has made some friends of other wives and we have socialized a little as couples but I usually don't seem to click with the other husbands even though we seem to have a good time when we are out. Needless to say, I don't feel really connected to anyone or the community in general. I feel like an outsider many times though I know this is probably in my own head and not quite reality. I work long hours and, honestly, on the weekends I just want to be with my family (and take care of things I can't get done during the week) and even to make the effort to socialize seems like it's not worth it.

Anybody else feel similar? What do you think?

This all sounds very familar. I've been with my girlfriend nearly nine years. One by one my other friends drifted off, got married, found friends where they worked. My girlfriend and I socialised with some of her friends for a while, but they just weren't people I clicked with. They were nice enough people, just not people I had anything in common with. Of course, trying to tell her that when it might restrict her relationships is impossible. She sees me talking to her friends and having the odd joke, and even if I tell her otherwise it suits her to insist I'm enjoying myself and not just making do. Yes, I can tell her I feel something and she will tell me I feel something different! So I'm here, and it's the best thing that's happened for quite some time.
 
Being married for almost 21 years, we really do not have couple friends that we see anymore. The friends he wants to see, well, I don't because I know they really dont like me and I dont like them. They are always causing trouble and either telling him to leave me, because I am not 'normal' enough for them, or the wife is trying to sleep with him. I just odnt see the need to bring that drama into our lives. We now agree that just being at home with one another is what really makes us happy. We try to go out occasionally when we can, but really just being together is what counts. My husband is my best friend. My husbands tells me it makes him the happiest to just be able to come home and we work in the garden together and do the things that we do together. No other people are needed.
 
pschif8480 said:
I'm glad for you.

Maybe this should be a new thread but you've got me thinking...how many of you are married but yet feel lonely?

Anybody else feel similar? What do you think?

definitely. ive only been married for a few years but im realizing its pretty lonely. My H and i do not get along with the same people at all. Its been really hard.
 
pschif8480 said:
I'm glad for you.

Maybe this should be a new thread but you've got me thinking...how many of you are married but yet feel lonely?

Anybody else feel similar? What do you think?

I'm with you. I used to feel much better prior to moving a few years ago - my husband and I had a lot of friends in our old hometown. Now, I can probably count on one hand the number of times we've socialized with others - and there have not been many repeats with the same people. I really consider myself to be outgoing, but I just don't know how to meet anyone here. I don't have any children, so I don't meet the neighborhood moms like others do. I don't even know where to meet people now that I'm over 30. Everyone is always very different than me, which would be fine, but no one seems interested in getting to know me. I don't think I'm a bad person; I just don't know how to even strike up a conversation with anyone or invite someone to hang out with me. I don't even know if other people my age ever "hang out" anymore. I feel like I have spent the last three years really trying hard to get out there and try new things. I'm working really hard to be the kind of person that people would want to be friends with. Nothing seems to be working yet. I wonder if I just picked the wrong place to move, or what. Maybe I would have better luck living somewhere else or moving back to my old town. I just feel like such a loser here. My career is going great but my social life is tanking.
 

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