I miss her...

[lucrezia3333]

My 14-year old dog recently passed away. Her name was Sissi. She was my whole world. When I got her I was 13-year old girl, trying to overcome the death of my 11-year old cat.

A couple of weeks ago, my Sissi, developed a cancerous cyst in her bludder. It went all downhill pretty quickly from there on. Within 3 days time, she started having seizures and she was diagnosed with kidnely failure and high diabetes. She would most likely have died at home should I have not taken her to the vet.

The vet gave me 3 choices:
a) take her home, let the seizures continue till she would die either from starvation most probably (cause by that time she had stopped eating)
b) make a surgery that would most likely not help much but remove a tumour should he found it, with the possibility of never waking up due to she was quite old and
c) euthanize her.

Who gets to decide? Who gets the right to play God? How could I decide to end the life of my precious Sissi. She was not just a dog to me. She was my life's companion for more than 13 years. She was my soul.

More than anything, I did not wish her to suffer. I saw my cat die 13(and a half) years before with the first option above, and it stigmatized me. Euthanisia was not an easy decision. Perhaps the most difficult choice I was called to make my entire life. I was standing by her side the whole time. Even when the vet injected her the 2nd injection, where she was almost unconcious I stood there, by her side, and I kept saying "I love you, always, I am never leaving your side, all will be well".

I don't know whether she was feeling me or heard me...but seeing her there lying so helpless, seeing the air being sucked out of her small body, slowly feeling her heartbeat wear out....

Now...I don't know how to go on. I am lost. Most days I go to work, come home, cry till my body starts to spasm, I have thought of inflicting pain upon myself to stop this suffering which overhwelms me. I speak to my friends, to my mom...but I don't think anyone "gets" this "sadness". Deep inside I feel like I am in perpetual abyss. Like life has no meaning. No taste. Nothing for me to look forward. I keep "smelling" her, "feeling" her every where in every corner of the house, in everything I may do or feel.

Is she resting now? I hope she in peace. Above all, I did not want HER to suffer. A lady at the vet on that day was telling me, it's better for you to suffer than letting her suffer. And so, I chose to suffer...

I miss her so much. Words are a nothing to the way I miss her. To the thought of her being dead. Those mental images from the vet that day, haunt me, day and night. I've started taking valerinia (soothnig calming pills) to help me sleep cause I cannot rest. Whenever I close my eyes I see her lying there, on the vet's table being immobilized, still and tired. The pills aren't working.

I feel lost. Sad. Lonely. Like a piece of me was ripped apart. Like love is not even a possibility from now on. Feel so drained emotionally/psychologically.

I've decided I have to get a new puppy, although my dad is being firmly negative about it (due to the heartache and the financial aspect of it). I think I have to get a new dog....otherwise I shall die of a broken heart.

I miss you Sissi...I hope now you're in peace... <3

 

[Bei]

I am so sorry for your loss.

I hope you can get a new puppy and that you will find new happiness.

 

[Edward W]

So sorry for your loss, but remember the good times you had together, that's what important.

 

[Cavey]

I once had twin cats that I called Samson & Delilah. I watched as they were born in June 93. They were my constant companions through everything; growing into a man, getting married and eventually getting separated. They were a great comfort when my marriage broke down even though they were very old by that point. They put a smile on my face when everything else seemed like a nightmare.

Samson was sadly hit by a car in 2007, so I wasn't there when he died, but my Niece's teacher found him still alive by the side of the road and took him to the vets. He was too badly hurt to survive, but at least I know he wasn't alone.

Delilah developed a huge tumour in her stomach a couple of years later. She deteriorated very quickly and by the time the vet saw her, she was too far gone to save. I was given the option of letting her die naturally or having her put down. The vet said to take her home and think about it overnight. I took her home and laid her on my duvet. I sat with her and a few hours later she urinated all over herself and the quilt without even making the effort to move; it was just too much for her. I cleaned her up and then I thought "Would I want to live like this? Unable to move even when I'm going to wet myself". I decided that I wouldn't, so I did the kindest thing I could do and 'let her go'. The next day she was put down.

I buried them both in my garden under a bush that they used to lay under on hot days...

Sometimes, I feel guilty when I think about it, but I know that it was the right thing to do. You did the right thing too. It's hard to get over the loss of a pet when they've been there for so long, but you have to take comfort in the memories you have of them.

I never got another pet. I'm not quite sure whether I thought it was disrespectful or just that I'm in a different place in my life, but you have to do whatever you think is right for you. If getting another pet eases the pain and you're sure you'll be able to give it the same amount of love and attention that you gave Sissi, then go for it.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Hey there, I'm sorry about Sissi.
Hope you are holding up all right. Take care.

 

[Bloem]

Im so sorry for your loss, but I think you really made the right decision. I know how it feels. Im sure Sissi had a wonderfull life with you and couldn't wish for a better owner and friend then you. Think of all those wonderfull moments you had with each other. I think your new puppy is going te be a very lucky one with you as owner!

Take care

 

[SophiaGrace]

My dog is getting old now. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know nothing I say can make things better. (hugs)

 

[Naleena]

bump

 

[ajdass1]

I'm sorry for your loss.

I remember one time someone threw poisoned tuna in our yard. One of our cats came in through the window and started racing around the house, her whole body tense and straining, trying to vomit out whatever was inside her, but there was nothing to come out. Eventually she ran out of strength and died in front of us. Over the next few days we found the bodies of four of our other cats. It's utterly awful

 

[Locke]

I'm sorry for your loss.

I remember one time someone threw poisoned tuna in our yard. One of our cats came in through the window and started racing around the house, her whole body tense and straining, trying to vomit out whatever was inside her, but there was nothing to come out. Eventually she ran out of strength and died in front of us. Over the next few days we found the bodies of four of our other cats. It's utterly awful

I'm sorry. That is awful. Someone poisoned my dog a few months ago, so I know how you feel.