I need to change my ways!

[Basket Case]

I signed up at a forum for loneliness forum. If somebody would have told me that years ago I would have laughed out loud.But here I am and I am grateful to be here.

I suppose I should introduce myself and I don't really know where to start. I am afraid it will turn into a novel, I fear I might not stop writing once I started. I live in the United States with my husband and our dogs. I am going to be 56 years old -or young- and I feel I have come to a crossroad and I need to change my way, my health, my whole existence. I need to start living again!

So much is going on, so much have I allowed to happen. 

I feel cornered in a lonely life I never thought I would have. I have done and achieved so much on my own. Have traveled the world. Have all by myself moved from Germany to the U.S. when I was young, have lived on my own from age 16 on and never felt lonely once. 

Now I do, and I need to change that. Perhaps here at a forum where others like me share their life, their laughter, and their tears. Maybe here I might be understood -at least I hope so. 

My health is not the best, and changing this is up to me. How lucky am I to have a disease that I might be able to control with food -healthy food of course, not the pizza and ice cream I crave for by the truckload. 

Food has become my best friend. I have always loved to eat, have always been a bit on the chubby side, but changed that in my late 30's. Then I lost 60 pounds, worked out almost every day, ate healthy and had a rather active life. It lasted for about 5 years, then I started cheating just a bit, and a bit more and...well, one day I just went back to be unhealthy and overweight.

I work at/from home since over 20 years, and while it can be great, it can also be very lonely. 

Six years ago we moved 900 miles away, left our home and our friends behind because my husband got a job offer we just couldn't resist. Ever since we arrived here, my life has changed. Meeting people and making friends is easier when we are young. Where do you meet people when you are my age? 

I have become a hermit crab, hardly leave the house anymore. All my friends are far away and the phone calls now happen rather seldom. From out of nowhere I start having anxiety attacks which I now us an excuse to stay at home. 

So here I am, a morbidly obese woman who has to lose 100 pounds, who can hardly walk, because she is too big, who has become too lazy. My bones and joints ache when I eat unhealthy, which means I ache every day. Enough with the pity parties! I can control my life, so many cannot, so why don't I? What am I waiting for?

Yesterday in the evening I decided to change my life. I went through our kitchen cabinets and threw out all the food I am not supposed to eat. I gave to our neighbor. I started juicing today, just like the Australian Joe Cross did years ago when he tried to cure himself of his autoimmune disorder. If he could do it, I should at least give it a chance.

I will give this a serious try. I left a message at my Rheumatologist office and asked for an appointment this week. I want to find my way out of this misery. I don't have a reason to eat myself happy, yet I do?

Not knowing anybody here and not having somebody to talk to hurts and yes, I feel very lonely at times. 

I want to meet people. Goodness, I have been such a people person. What happened? 

My husband is a sweet and wonderful man, but not really a talker. I always did the talking -go figure. I miss conversations, discussions and healthy arguments.  I want to talk about everything and nothing. I want to laugh and frown, complain about politics and politicians, exchange recipes and silliness. I want to talk about movies and book, music and poetry. 

I don't know much about loneliness, the only thing I know I am not good at it. 

I need to reach out, go out and meet people and I will do whatever I can to make this happen. I am not young to feel that old. 

A goal without a deadline is just a dream, so I set a goal. Four months, until Labor Day in September. By then I want to lose 40 pounds. I want to be able to walk 1/2 mile without fainting and without holding on to something, and I want to have found one friend I can email/text/talk to whenever I feel like it.

I am a basket case right now, a fat lady on a mission and I hope I am welcome here.

Thank you for reading. 
(There you go. I reached out and while it seems to be easily hidden behind a keyboard, I have to admit it was hard to open up this way.)

 

[constant stranger]

It can take courage to reach out and I'm glad you have. Welcome aboard and I expect other members will also welcome you.
Losing that much weight will be a tough job.....how about every few weeks you post how much you've lost? But only if you want to.
It sounds like you're reinventing yourself....I know well the wish to change one's ways. Best of luck to both of us!

 

[Minus]

Welcome to the site. Look around and make yourself at home.

Good luck on your mission. As constant stranger says, if you feel like it, let us know how you progress.

 

[Basket Case]

Thank you so much for your welcome.

I am planning on being honest and will share my progress, failures, up and downs here on the blog if that's alright.

 

[MissBehave]

Hey. 
Just wanted to say that I read your post. I admire your honesty and bravery.
I’m hoping that you keep on being strong. You took a big step by opening up and talking about it so now it’s all about perseverance.

 

[Dr_Pixel]

Welcome here!

So you moved to the US a few decades ago? That's interesting. It must have been way harder to learn English without the internet back then. Even my parents aren't good at English, and they could have learned it over the decades. Do you still make some mistakes at English or don't know some words, and how much German do you still use?

Losing weight is complicated because nutrition science is very complicated. Juicing sounds more like a myth, but I know that soup makes you feel saturated longer. But sometimes juicing is even worse. For instance, if you eat an apple, it contains a certain substance, which helps you to process fructose more slowly. However, if you juice an apple, you destroy it. And that's just the tip of the iceberg of nutrition science. I don't understand it fully myself either, but I think that learning more about it can help you to eat healthier.

This place is great to talk about loneliness and maybe get some advice, but this site isn't very active. Here are simply not that many people with whom you could become friends with, so you should look for friends in other places too. But you've got time. Better stay here for a while, get to know some people, learn something about making friends and then start to look for them on other places simultaneously. Viel Glück!

 

[Basket Case]

Yes, I moved to the U.S. in my 20's and I learned English the only way you should learn a new language, by living in the country and talking to people using hands, feet, and a dictionary.

Viel Deutsch spreche ich nicht mehr -nur noch manchmal.

Juicing combined with one or two very healthy gluten-free and dairy-free meals has done wonders for me so far. I feel fantastic and I am upbeat. My daily pain level went down dramatically, form a 7 to maybe a 3. My doctor approves of my approach and I am under his supervision. I can't wait to see my next bloodwork. I have high hopes!

Perhaps this place is not so active because newbies don't come back when they are warned about the inactivity right at the getgo?

So far so good. I signed up at a Meetup group and I hope I will be able to participate and meet the people in real in a few months. I started an argument with my husband and this time I made him listen. The way it looks like I was heard. I told him about the Lonely Life Forum and it hit him hard -perhaps that's what he needed.

I am determined to change my life and nothing will stop me (at least for now.)

 

[Minus]

It sounds like you are making good progress so far.

 

[Dr_Pixel]

This is an adventurous way to learn a language. It's clearly fun, but I'm too shy to talk to many strangers. It's probably one of the best ways to learn too because you are always exposed to the new language. I'm going to be in France for a few weeks during the summer holidays, so I can improve my French then this way. And I'm also planning to move to an English speaking country when I'm older.

And if your doctor approves your approach and you feel better, then you are probably doing things right. I think it works so well because you don't eat a lot of carbohydrates and your body has to burn fat instead, which is a great way to lose weight.

So it would be better if I lie to you or ignore the truth? I think it's more a chicken egg problem. If there aren't many people active, fewer people want to stay. If they have a problem with the inactivity, they will notice it soon and leave anyway. And I don't say it's inactive here, better go away. I say don't be upset if you don't make a ton of friends here, this place isn't very active but a great way to start and talk about problems.

You are making a lot of progress, I can really see that you are determined to do something. I wish I would be that determined, and that it would last longer than a few days.

 

[Basket Case]

You have discouraged me from even trying to be here, that's the truth.

 

[MissBehave]

You have discouraged me from even trying to be here, that's the truth.

Uhh..
Think he was just offering his perspective.

 

[humourless]

I don't know much about loneliness, the only thing I know I am not good at it. 

That is sheer genius!! Not only a great insight but high level wit! Well done!

 

[Basket Case]

Thank you! Wit might be the greates tool I have to dig myself out of my misery. 

So far...so good!



I don't know much about loneliness, the only thing I know I am not good at it. 

That is sheer genius!! Not only a great insight but high level wit! Well done!

 

[ahsatan]

Welcome!
I know health struggles are hell sadly.

 

[Basket Case]

Before I am getting booted from this board because of a reply to a buddy, I would like to give you all an update -as promised.

I am making progress. I am slowly changing my ways and while I don't like it much, I am certain it is the right thing to do. I have lost 11 pounds, which is a massive accomplishment and I am mighty proud of myself.

I signed up at a meetup group for women 50+ and I am going to join a meeting this week. I am scared and terrified but know this will be a baby step in the right direction.

I had three or four massive fights with my husband. I told him how I feel and his reaction showed me that he had no idea. It's not his fault that I feel lonely, but it will be easier to change it with his help. He is helpless and perhaps so am I. We will do more things together and I insisted on date night, which he thought was ludicrous until I convinced him otherwise.

We are married for 25 years, we are not as old as we act.

I found a support group for autoimmune disorders and I have been at two meetings already. What an eye-opener. It looks like I might be able to better myself if I eat right. Well done, Universe. Give the fat lady the power to heal herself with food. The humor is not lost on me.

Nobody will knock on my door to get to know me, I have to get out and allow people to meet me and I am terrified. Good grief, what is wrong with me?

I start to see clearer now. Lots of my life is really up to me. I have to change my ways and I really working on it.

 

[Minus]

Sounds like a great start. Steps taken in quite a number of areas.

 

[Guzheng]

There is nothing more inspiring than a fat lady on a mission.

You're right, autoimmune diseases can be treated with special diets, usually with great success.

Juicing and going gluten free makes me feel better too. It clears my head so that I can focus on the improvements I need to make in other areas of life.

You're brave to confront your husband and get him to help you feel less lonely. As you said, he had no idea, so if you had never admitted you were lonely he never would have figured it out. Meeting up with people you've never met before is a brave decision too. I hope you meet the right kind of people in those meetup.com groups.

I'm so happy for you! Best wishes for spectacular success with all of your goals.

 

[Usvic1]

A goal without a deadline is just a dream, so I set a goal. Four months, until Labor Day in September.

I read through your post and I can see a new spirit of determination, dedication, perseverance and discipline for change.

Internal motivation is key.

Go for what you want to use to make your life better. I will be waiting for how far you've gone and your next post.