I really don't understand people....

[Cornishboy]

Haven't posted for quite a while, but just needed somewhere to bring up something that has been on my mind this weekend.  I don't expect any advice as what has happened has happened, but just need to clear my head.

I work for a small company, less than 20 staff.  I am a department manager, but I am also the sole person in the department, which means although I get my own office, it doesn't really help my loneliness.  There has been a young lady working in one of the other departments for almost four years.  She's in her mid/late 20's, about 16 years younger than me.  Now, I've always felt that I've got on ok with her, not necessarily bonded with her, but we've always spoken in the office, certainly more than I've spoken to other staff of a similar age.  She would often come into my office for something, and then stay for a chat, albiet either work related or about herself.  Mind you, she is very attractive and I have had a bit of a 'thing' for her, but knew full well nothing could be done about it given the age difference, and the fact she's in a long term relationship.

I did add her on Facebook a couple of years ago, and although she accepted the request, she's never responded to anything I've posted, nor sent a message on my birthday.  She had sent me a couple of private messages, but again, they were work related.

Anyway, she left the company on Friday for a new job.  We had a staff collection, so did a presentation and as there was about a hour to go, she was told she could go when she liked.  I then went back to my office, and never saw her again.  I don't know what time she left, but she never came into my office to say goodbye or anything.  Then, to add insult to injury, she made a post on Facebook that evening, posting pictures of the flowers and gifts received, tagging a number of my colleagues, but again, completely overlooking me.

The Facebook post was annoying and I suppose I can live with that, but to not come and say goodbye to someone you've worked with for almost four years was, I thought, a bit rude.  I didn't expect to keep in touch with her after she left, but at least say goodbye.

 

[frederico]

Hi CornishBoy,

I believe you are right. If this what really took place, you are clearly right. Relationships someone can develop in his work environment are still personal relationships. Altought you two weren't probably friends, it is normal you feel bad for what happened.
Therefore you can get over it!

 

[Steman86]

Yeah pretty rude of her I think to just leave you high and dry like that. I have found couple of really strong friendships via work colleagues but at the same time I thought I had other strong friendships and once I left never heard from them again!!

 

[TheRealCallie]

Every single person except you was tagged? Are you 100% sure about that? It could just be that she missed you when she was tagging. Even tagging 10 people is a lot, IMO.
It doesn't sound like you were friends, since everything was WORK related and accepting people on Facebook is just something some people do, whether they actually want them as a friend or not. It's some stupid competition to see how many people they can get or something. Keep in mind that I am NOT saying this is what she did, but it is a possibility.
I don't really find it all that rude, to be honest. She likely said goodbye to those she would got close to and will likely keep in touch with after leaving. You aren't one of those people. It may hurt, but that's just life sometimes.

 

[Cornishboy]

Including her, there was only 17 people in the company, 3 don't use FB and a further 6 she isn't friends with, so that only left 7 people to tag, and I was the only one missed. I thought that we had quite a good working relationship, but perhaps I was wrong. In any case, whether we did or not, courtesy would say that you could still go round and say goodbye to everyone before you leave, especially with so few people in the office.

Anyway, she has been in touch with me since she left, because I am temporally managing the company for a few weeks, she messaged me to ask if she could come in for a meeting with me and her old department manager, which turned out to be her asking if she could have her old job back. Being only temporary manager, I have had to take her request to head office, but she's expecting me to sort it all out for her.

 

[VanillaCreme]

It's courtesy, not mandatory. Would it have been nice for her to include you? Absolutely. But she didn't have to. Perhaps she feels as though she shouldn't bother you with the tagging and all. Perhaps she's closer, even if by a tiny bit, with the other folks. You would probably do best if you tried to not let it bother you so much. If she wasn't close to you, and was simply a co-worker, leave it at that. Whatever her reason for not including you, it's her reason. You shouldn't take it so personally.

 

[kaetic]

At small company it's polite and not difficult to at least say goodbye to everyone when you leave for another job. That being said... did you go up to her to say goodbye? It sounds like you had advance notice. Maybe she took you being around when they were doing the collection and presentation as your goodbye? She might have only tagged the people who gave her gifts (what she took photos of)?

Is it your job to take care of her request? She should know that, she worked there. Just tell her it's out of your hands. Btw, two weeks at the new job before trying to come back? Wow.

 

[kamya]

At small company it's polite and not difficult to at least say goodbye to everyone when you leave for another job. That being said... did you go up to her to say goodbye? It sounds like you had advance notice. Maybe she took you being around when they were doing the collection and presentation as your goodbye? She might have only tagged the people who gave her gifts (what she took photos of)?

Is it your job to take care of her request? She should know that, she worked there. Just tell her it's out of your hands. Btw, two weeks at the new job before trying to come back? Wow.

The grass sure can look nice on the other side sometimes.