I think I might have to hurt her feelings

African_weasel · Jul 1, 2013

Hey guys, so there's this girl I've established a friendship with and want to date, but rejected me however, want to let her know I'm worth her time. For a little back story, her mom kicked her out of the house for the second time now and moved back in with a drug dealer whom I've cut all ties with. However, I am starting to think that her mom kicking her out was justified and feel like she is making minimum effort on her end to fix things with her mom. So, I want to confront her in person if I feel like she's getting worse and need to get herself together. If I ever get the chance to get her by herself, I want her to know that her life style is really detrimental to her and if she is not willing to chance that for the sake of her mother, I do NOT want to be associated with her. I very much care about her so I may have to be very blunt knowing that this might hurt her feelings. If any of you have gone or are going through this, feel free to post your stories.

I would also like to hear your opinions on my other situtation as well, just click the following link. (http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=28314 [/url]). Thank you!

theraab · Jul 1, 2013

When you say this guy she moved in with is a drug dealer, does he sell hard drugs or just pot? It matters because if she's doing drugs (other than smoking pot), then your efforts would probably be futile. The best you can do in that case is either cut all ties with her, or, if you can stomach it, be there for her when she hits bottom. Unfortunately, a lecture on throwing your life away never works unless the person is already ready to change. (I can tell you this from experience)

African_weasel · Jul 1, 2013

theraab said:
When you say this guy she moved in with is a drug dealer, does he sell hard drugs or just pot? It matters because if she's doing drugs (other than smoking pot), then your efforts would probably be futile. The best you can do in that case is either cut all ties with her, or, if you can stomach it, be there for her when she hits bottom. Unfortunately, a lecture on throwing your life away never works unless the person is already ready to change. (I can tell you this from experience)

Just pot, he has thought about sell hard drugs like meth and cocaine. And I really want her to quit smoking for the sake of her mother. Plus I don't want her to be caught by a surprise drug test either and lose her job. She has taken molly which I tried myself.

African_weasel · Jul 2, 2013

The goal is not getting her to quit for me but for her mom.

theraab · Jul 3, 2013

The only chance you have of getting her to stop is by somehow offering something better than what she has - you're lucky in the sense that it she isn't using one of the hard drugs; but your task is to show her that a life that is close with you and her mother is better than the one with the drug dealer - that is a difficult thing to show, and without knowing either you or her, I can't offer any specific advice. The only thing I can tell you is what I said above, that it won't help to simply lecture her about what she's doing wrong.

Evil_Genius · Jul 6, 2013

You can only really get her to quit for herself. If she does anything for 'another person' then all the crap that she used the drugs to escape will be lain at the other persons feet and end up causing resentment.

I never say 'you have to live for your kids' because if someone is trying to kill themselves by whatever speed, then they will end up resenting their kids for all of the detritus of life that finds them.