Hallo,
it has been 3 years already since I broke up with GF I am referring about but the whole time I had to think about it and particularly in recent weeks. I don't know why it is tormenting my mind so bad just now, aster so long time but maybe it's because due to my travel, work and experience I grew up or maybe it's because I saw similar behavior in another person and realized how horrible a**hole I was.
But I mean real a**hole. I called her names, ignored her, an when she finally broke up with me I even threatened her. I disrespected her privacy, acted perverted or sent her female friends messages with sexual content. I treated her really lowly. and mostly since the time she started to love me.
I did that because I felt bad about myself, of course. I had complexes, low self esteem, I was frustrated, full of anger and hatred. I was very lonely and she was somebody who finally spent time with me. On the other hand I must mention that my anger initiated her not-so keen sense for sexual activities... I expected more and when I didn't get it all my suppressed complexes come to the light.
Today I feel very differently. I am maybe single, but this time voluntarily and have good and satisfying friends, new family (heh, long and funny story
), good and exciting life and feel internally balanced. Feel like grown man, not frustrated brat any more. And that's why I feel so horrible shame. Particularly when family is together and I see how happily man and woman can live together.
I don't want to sent her another apology (once I wrote her that "I think I didn't always treat you nice. sorry.", that was the best I could get from my "pride") because she must think I am terrible sorry psycho and I still feel shame and pain.
What to do??? I don't know.
PS: I should mention that when I tried to treat her nicely (back than), I saw her loosing interest in me. I have impression that she kinda liked me being jerk. Like her (sorry for such a rude expression) p*ssy liked that and made it very wet but everything else hated it. So she found another one and when her toy was happy with him she finally found a reason for break up. That's why I never wanted to be too sorry for that... If nothing else I wanted to keep nice memory for her little toy...(does it make a sense?)
PPS: I forgot to add on very important thing: besides being shy she NEVER ever done anything bad to me! And that is what worries me most. She is 100% good girl.
it has been 3 years already since I broke up with GF I am referring about but the whole time I had to think about it and particularly in recent weeks. I don't know why it is tormenting my mind so bad just now, aster so long time but maybe it's because due to my travel, work and experience I grew up or maybe it's because I saw similar behavior in another person and realized how horrible a**hole I was.
But I mean real a**hole. I called her names, ignored her, an when she finally broke up with me I even threatened her. I disrespected her privacy, acted perverted or sent her female friends messages with sexual content. I treated her really lowly. and mostly since the time she started to love me.
I did that because I felt bad about myself, of course. I had complexes, low self esteem, I was frustrated, full of anger and hatred. I was very lonely and she was somebody who finally spent time with me. On the other hand I must mention that my anger initiated her not-so keen sense for sexual activities... I expected more and when I didn't get it all my suppressed complexes come to the light.
Today I feel very differently. I am maybe single, but this time voluntarily and have good and satisfying friends, new family (heh, long and funny story
), good and exciting life and feel internally balanced. Feel like grown man, not frustrated brat any more. And that's why I feel so horrible shame. Particularly when family is together and I see how happily man and woman can live together.I don't want to sent her another apology (once I wrote her that "I think I didn't always treat you nice. sorry.", that was the best I could get from my "pride") because she must think I am terrible sorry psycho and I still feel shame and pain.
What to do??? I don't know.
PS: I should mention that when I tried to treat her nicely (back than), I saw her loosing interest in me. I have impression that she kinda liked me being jerk. Like her (sorry for such a rude expression) p*ssy liked that and made it very wet but everything else hated it. So she found another one and when her toy was happy with him she finally found a reason for break up. That's why I never wanted to be too sorry for that... If nothing else I wanted to keep nice memory for her little toy...(does it make a sense?)
PPS: I forgot to add on very important thing: besides being shy she NEVER ever done anything bad to me! And that is what worries me most. She is 100% good girl.
