I want to get married but cant

[lonely_aryan]

I am 37. I am unemployed so cant get married.
Is there anyone here who is in a similar situation ?

 

[bender22]

Being unemployed isn't the real reason you can't get married. Unless you already have a partner you want to marry and you financially can't afford to get married. Even then, unemployment isn't really the reason.

What's the real reason you can't get married?

 

[TheRealCallie]

I agree with Bender.

Is there a reason you are unemployed?

 

[lonely_aryan]

Being unemployed isn't the real reason you can't get married. Unless you already have a partner you want to marry and you financially can't afford to get married. Even then, unemployment isn't really the reason.

What's the real reason you can't get married?

I don't have a partner. If and when I get married it will be an arranged marriage. The girl's family will definitely ask how much the guy earns.

I agree with Bender.  

Is there a reason you are unemployed?

Please trust me when I say this. I simply can't maintain the daily discipline that a full time job requires. I have sleeping disorder. I can't wake up early in the morning.

Also I want to be my own boss. I plan to start my own small business in the near future.

 

[SirPanda]

You can't find a job with a later shift? Granted most professional jobs are some level of 9-5. If you want to be your own boss I hate to be a breaker of bad news but if you want to be a successful own boss you'll be waking early and working well beyond a normal work shift if you want to maintain success as your own boss and presumably running some business.

 

[lonely_aryan]

You can't find a job with a later shift?  Granted most professional jobs are some level of 9-5.  If you want to be your own boss I hate to be a breaker of bad news but if you want to be a successful own boss you'll be waking early and working well beyond a normal work shift if you want to maintain success as your own boss and presumably running some business.

I plan to open a photo copy (Xerox) shop. Operating hours will be 10:30am to 8:00 pm.

 

[kaetic]

Point remains, being your own boss... Especially with those hours, unless you're only open three days a week the operating hours alone will be more than that of a regular full time job. (40 hrs) which you said you didn't have the ability to maintain discipline for.
Besides operating hours, you are aware that there are things you have to do when you're closed, right? How much experience do you have with business management?
If you have no money to start out with, and no income... How are you planning to start this business? Loans aren't granted out of thin air. Will you have employees? You'll need to pay them. That's more work beyond operating hours. Are you planning on having your potential spouse work there with you? I'd bet the parents will ask this as well.

What treatment are you getting for this sleep disorder?
It's affecting your life, I assume you would want to get it treated.

Slow down, figure out how to take care of yourself before you worry about getting married. That's the whole reason the parents are going to be critical, they want to send their daughter off to be happy in a lasting marriage not stressed out, miserable and looking for a way out.

I'm not trying to be negative, if you really want to make this happen you will. But I'd suggest getting a job and saving towards it.

 

[M_also_lonely]

There is no point in getting married. Especially at the place where you live.

The game is rigged against you.
The game is built to enslave you.

The game is built..... to oppress you.

Not only legally, but also socially.

Not getting married because of being unemployed is a huge warning sign of that.

They don't want you for who you are. They want you, only for what you can offer. And if that offering is the need, then you are pointless once there is a better source. Don't you realize that they don't want you, they only want what you can give them. That doesn't just apply to you, it applies to everyone. Especially in India, where she'll play around with guys then settle in an arranged marriage. Consider this, if your marriage is arranged, how can she love you? She can't.
Love can't be arranged. Love is the breaking of all arrangements and norms. If something can be arranged, it is definitely not love.

And then you'll spend your entire life serving the person who doesn't love you. What a waste of life would that be, imagine!!
-------------

And where do I even start about the legal ones. You probably know. it.

1. You catch her cheating. She files a dowry case to seek revenge. And not only you, but your entire household is in prison, without requiring her to give evidence. What would you do?

2. As per 498A, you and your entire family can be sent in jail if she claims cruelty/physical violence done by you, and the woman doesn't need to give any evidence.
3. If your wife dies by burns or bodily injury within 7 years of marriage, it's the considered YOUR fault.
and so on...
Who would sign such a contract??? I wouldn't.


You must have planned something for all that right? Are you going to start your business without planning? No.Then how can you think of getting married without planning how you'll tackle all of this?

There is absolutely nothing that you will get by a marriage, that you can without it.
Your life will not get better in any shape or form by getting married.

Most married people around you fake it, because they know that they have been fooled, now they can't admit it.
All those fancy ceremonies, lakhs of rupees drained for a short pleasure. Now to say that its just an excitement for a short while, would make them look stupid. That's why they fake it. For their entire life. And you start believing that it is all fun. Well its not. There's hardly any couple in this world who is genuinely happy and fulfilled. Otherwise, with the concept of marriage existing in this world, there wouldn't be so many miserable people. Love ends at the honeymoon night.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I know how it works where you live. More than anyone else here. First hand experience. The tactics they use to make you do anything they want to.
If you don't follow the system, they'll shame you into doing it. And there are words they use to refer to a man who's not married.
Neighbors who give absolutely zero ***** about how you feel, treat you differently, and to make it worse, they treat your parents differently. So now you are obligated to get married. To maintain the status of your parents. Isn't that a suffering in itself?

For how long will Indian men cripple themselves? Quietly following the societal norms at the cost of their own happiness?
----------------------------------------------------------
Love is freedom, marriage is bondage.
I think you should focus on building your business.

 

[Just Games]

Marriage is like a three ring circus....engagement ring.....wedding ring......suffering.....it's a wife sentence .
Alright apologise but they laughed at the wedding when I was best man , really hard standing up in front of two hundred people when you have social anxiety.I got others but ....... I'd had some champagne and can't remember them.
Look it's your choice if you want to get married go for it you'll never know unless you try .It's a bit like buying and riding a motorbike , both as risky but if you look after them there' s a good chance they'll last a long time , but you will need money ,lots of it so you'll need a job.

 

[lookatbrightside]

The girl's family will definitely ask how much the guy earns.  

 

[Zook]

Please trust me when I say this. I simply can't maintain the daily discipline that a full time job requires. I have sleeping disorder. I can't wake up early in the morning.

Also I want to be my own boss. I plan to start my own small business in the near future.

Maybe you should figure out how to run an online business? Then you can choose your own hours.

 

[kaetic]

There is no point in getting married. Especially at the place where you live.

The game is rigged against you.
The game is built to enslave you.

The game is built..... to oppress you.

Not only legally, but also socially.

Not getting married because of being unemployed is a huge warning sign of that.

They don't want you for who you are. They want you, only for what you can offer. And if that offering is the need, then you are pointless once there is a better source.  Don't you realize that they don't want you, they only want what you can give them. That doesn't just apply to you, it applies to everyone. Especially in India, where she'll play around with guys then settle in an arranged marriage. Consider this, if your marriage is arranged, how can she love you? She can't.
Love can't be arranged. Love is the breaking of all arrangements and norms.  If something can be arranged, it is definitely not love.

And then you'll spend your entire life serving the person who doesn't love you. What a waste of life would that be, imagine!!
-------------

And where do I even start about the legal ones. You probably know. it.

1. You catch her cheating. She files a dowry case to seek revenge. And not only you, but your entire household is in prison, without requiring her to give evidence. What would you do?

2. As per 498A, you and your entire family can be sent in jail if she claims cruelty/physical violence done by you, and the woman doesn't need to give any evidence.
3. If your wife dies by burns or bodily injury within 7 years of marriage, it's the considered YOUR fault.
and so on...
Who would sign such a contract??? I wouldn't.


You must have planned something for all that right? Are you going to start your business without planning? No.Then how can you think of getting married without planning how you'll tackle all of this?

There is absolutely nothing that you will get by a marriage, that you can without it.
Your life will not get better in any shape or form by getting married.

Most married people around you fake it, because they know that they have been fooled, now they can't admit it.
All those fancy ceremonies, lakhs of rupees drained for a short pleasure. Now to say that its just an excitement for a short while, would make them look stupid. That's why they fake it. For their entire life. And you start believing that it is all fun. Well its not. There's hardly any couple in this world who is genuinely happy and fulfilled. Otherwise, with the concept of marriage existing in this world, there wouldn't be so many miserable people.  Love ends at the honeymoon night.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I know how it works where you live. More than anyone else here. First hand experience. The tactics they use to make you do anything they want to.
If you don't follow the system, they'll shame you into doing it. And there are words they use to refer to a man who's not married.
Neighbors who give absolutely zero ***** about how you feel, treat you differently, and to make it worse, they treat your parents differently. So now you are obligated to get married. To maintain the status of your parents. Isn't that a suffering in itself?

For how long will Indian men cripple themselves? Quietly following the societal norms at the cost of their own happiness?
----------------------------------------------------------
Love is freedom, marriage is bondage.
I think you should focus on building your business.

Omg, I had no idea they had such laws about marriage over there!
It's a wonder anyone still gets married...

 

[Finished]

Thank whatever Gods you worship and stay single. Do whatever you want to do. If you don't ever get married then so be it. Want something else like a nice bike or car or something instead. 

 

[ardour]

It's reasonable for women to want a man who's employed. How are they going to survive otherwise? Arranged marriages sometimes work if both parties are sincere and have the option to opt out. I know of Indian people in west who ask their parents to help them find a spouse. It's similar if not quite the same, just a different attitude to love (it grows over time instead of existing prior to marriage).

However those laws are unbelievably crazy.

 

[M_also_lonely]

Omg, I had no idea they had such laws about marriage over there!
It's a wonder anyone still gets married...

Because most people aren't aware of these laws either. They usually come to know about them when its too late.

 

[Myra]

Did you have the option to marry before you were unemployed?