I won't need it in surrender

[Frosty300]

20 year old russian male here. I grew up without father but I had good mother. She died when I was 17. Then I lived with my grandfather.
At age of 18 I finished studies and went to europe in search for adventure and fun. I never had many friends when I was a kid cause I spend most time reading and no one else was interested in reading much. I didn't care though I was fine on my own. But when I got older I got interested in love and sex and friends.
So when I landed in Sweden I studied language(was all alone cause couldn't speak english or swedish). And when I learned em I tried to make friends at which I failed shitless. I was boring to everybody and no one was interested in me. I also often didn't know what to say. Don't know how to make a conversation. With girls I fail even harder cause it's like we got nothing to talk about. I started doing sports and became well trained, learned to play guitar and bought a car and a motorcycle thought it might help but it didn't. Still alone. And the more I try the more I fail and I see no progress what so ever. And loneliness gets harder as years go by. I already feel like I'm late for the party cause I'm 20 and I never had a single friend, kiss, nothing.
And my head hurts cause of loneliness and I feel like I have rocks on my shoulders which pull me down.

I thought to start my own business and make lots of cash and travel around the world but now I don't want any of that. Without love all this travel is useless.
Loneliness is evolutionary response which has to motivate me to seek relationships but it seems like it's simply torturing me now.
I decided to stop trying and die. I stopped going out. Stopped doing sports. Stopped eating.
I eat apples to kill the pain in the stomach but that's it. I already look like a holocaust victim. I haven't been out of my room for like 2 months now.
According to my calculations I will be dead within a month or so. I can endure physical pain but this lonely life is not worth living to me. Someone else might want to live like that but not me. I'd rather die.
I won't need love and sex in surrender.

 

[Sci-Fi]

You're only 20, you are far from being late for the party. Making a change in your life is hard, it takes a lot of work. Every time you fail you, you learn from that and you try again, and again, and again. Please don't give up just yet, you are 20, freaking 20 years old, your life is really just beginning at that age. You just need to get yourself back on track, life is worth the hardships, eventually, at some point, they pay off.

Welcome to the forums

 

[dannyr22]

Please don't give up just yet, you are 20, freaking 20 years old, your life is really just beginning at that age. You just need to get yourself back on track, life is worth the hardships, eventually, at some point, they pay off.

+1

Lots of people here are like yourself & I, late for the party. You have joined the forums & posted how you feel, I appreciate that

Welcome

 

[blackdot]

Late for the party? There's a party?????
Crap! I'm 38 and I haven't found a party yet. If you are late for it then I really am late.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Well, if you travel, you might find your love.

 

[LoneKiller]

I agree with the other posters. You're down, but not out. Don't let this beat you. You can and will succeed if you want it bad enough.

 

[ajdass1]

I know it's hard... I know what it's like to want to just die and fade away. Sometimes I have to restrain myself from jumping in front of cars.

You went to Sweden, learned the language, trained yourself up, learnt to play guitar, got a car and a motorbike? **** me man, you sound amazing. Being lonely and single is something you can overcome, even though it feels like absolute torture. But from what you've accomplished so far? I think you can overcome this.

Talk to us... post about your difficulties making friends... we can do our best to help. That's what the forum is for after all. You've found the right place. Welcome

 

[Ak5]

Being late to the party is much better than not going at all. Besides, it's late for the party when you're stuck in a nursing home; but even then, young nurses can jump start that party.

Good luck.