If he still liked me, would he have tried harder?

Spelunker11 · Jan 27, 2015

My ex and I are almost 17. After four months, he dumped me because he said he wasn't ready for a relationship.

I was SO SHOCKED because his behavior hadn't changed at all until the week before, when he couldn't hang out QUITE as often (but still did a fair amount) and was slightly less physically affectionate. Even up until MINUTES before the breakup he was still always texting me with interest in my life, opinions, saying good night, etc, and treating me with great chivalry and attention. I was recovering from surgery at that time so that behavior could've been out of politeness, but he'd always been that way after we became romantically involved and seemed interested in MANY things beyond my recovery.

I'm just so confused because he really seemed to be into even up to the end... but after the breakup I told him I deeply cared and he didn't either reciprocate it or deny he did too, just kept saying he was sorry but he wasn't ready (keep in mind this conversation was all over text). Maybe he didn't want to commit because we'd be forced to separate after graduation?

So either he stopped liking me, wasn't ready, or his parents influenced/forced him to end it. He's VERY DEPENDENT on them, LOVING them and allowing them to control essentially his entire life (i.e. where he goes and who he's friends with). And they didn't want him dating.

Also wanted to add that due to mutual religious beliefs, sex was never involved (in fact, he was VERY shy/nervous about affection, especially PDA around his parents. It seemed I was more comfortable going further than he was).

But if he truly still liked me, would any of that had mattered? I told him I couldn't be friends, so we've avoided each other and he hasn't had a gf in the months since.

Please be honest. Thank you!

Rahvin · Jan 27, 2015

To be honest, I've been on both ends of similar situations, and yet it's still difficult to say either way. But knowing what that feels like, especially with me being around the same age, my heart truly hurts for you.. I hope things work out well for you.

Perhaps the best thing you can do is talk to him about it. Tell him how you feel, what's been going through your mind, and ask him why he did it. There's a probablity that, regardless of how honest he is, he may not be entirely truthful and forthcoming about his reasons, due to shame, embarrassment, or whatever. Still though, It's better to ask outright than to speculate.

kamya · Jan 27, 2015

I've been on the receiving end of something like this in my first relationship and I've decided it came down to them not taking the relationship as seriously or putting as much value on your interactions as you did. Maybe he was just trying it for the experience without ever actually planning on things lasting more long term.

That's what the situation was for me I think. Maybe it's similar for your situation or maybe it's not.

jason2023 · Jan 28, 2015

Hey, he sounds like a good person first of all. He would have told you if he felt comfortable telling, or perhaps he's just not ready to talk about it. All you can really do is tell him if he wants to talk about it then you're always here. Don't push him.

I realise it is hard, but try not speculating too much (the poll does not help - no-one knows aside from him so its worthless us giving potentially giving wrong info).

SofiasMami · Jan 28, 2015

I've learned with experience to take guys at face value. If he said he wasn't ready, then he wasn't ready - nothing more, nothing less. How much time have you spent mulling this over? Way too much time, I'm sure.
While I'm here, may I gently suggest that serious conversations about one's relationship or breaking up are better discussed in person or voice to voice on the phone instead of by text.

-Teresa

BadGuy · Jan 29, 2015

he said he wasnt ready for a "dating" relationship , I assume he didnt say he didnt want to talk to you anymore
Not all of us guys are jerks , I suspect he is polite and chivalrous be cause his parents taught him that
Due to his religion he may think its to much temptation
Just a different angle from my eyes

Tiina63 · Jan 31, 2015

Given that you are both sixteen, I think that his saying he wasn't ready for a relationship is believable. Girls generally mature faster than boys, so you are a step or two ahead of him emotionally.

ladyforsaken · Jan 31, 2015

It's definitely painful to be on the receiving end of something like this. I've been through it. It's heartbreaking, and I'm sorry you were treated that way. I'm still trying to figure out how to heal from something like that.