ignored when..

[Wayfarer]

I don't know why but whenever I am with more than one person, I get totally ignored.

Today for example, I and a "friend" of mine had planned to meet. All good, but at the last moment another person I know asked if he could come.. of course I said yes. What happened after that was that I was ignored all evening long, while they talked among themselves. Everytime I'd say something they'd just pause a moment, sometimes one of them would answer, then they'd get back at talking.

This is not the first time.. it always happens. It seems to me like I can interact with people properly only when I'm alone with them. Or rather, that's what happens.

Any ideas why this is? Am I doing something wrong? :/

 

[mslonely]

I get this a lot. I'm interested to hear reasons for this. Do we not demand to be heard or are our points not valid?

 

[Sometimes]

OMG! Here's a couple of stories for you.

I was out with one friend at a shop, when we saw another 'friend'. The other 'friend' walked up and, standing right in front of me, blocked me from my friend and started talking to her. OMG! I had just smashed my wrist up and had a big fat cast on, and she never said a word to me. Days later, my friend told me she was shocked by our 'friend's' behaviour.

And, I was out with a couple of 'friends', when one 'friend' looped her arm through the other 'friend's' arm, leaving me to walk alone and isolated. OMG!

I swear if I ever have enough friends at one time to have an opportunity to express inclusiveness, I'll do it.

 

[Nicolelt]

yea, most people ignore me too when in large groups.

 

[mickey]

The answer is simple: groups cause their members to behave like ********. It's almost universal and I've rarely seen an exception. There have even been times when I have dominated a group along with one or two other people and everyone else has likely felt shut out. In fact I remember something like that fairly recently where one person barely talked at all. Later on I felt bad for that quiet person.

 

[HoodedMonk]

Happens to me as well. Groups of people drain my energy anyways.

 

[there is no hope]

Does it happen literally every time?
I know I've been a social outcast and I've been shunned many times, but I have been able to insert myself in some conversations. I guess it's mostly a matter of figuring out when I have something worth saying, and of course in some groups I'm going to have no chance whatsoever. I'm hardly the life of any party and usually say nothing out of habit. I'm not good in groups and often split off from them, whether I want to or not.
This was about 6 years ago. The world might have changed since then - it often does. I've been saying this a lot, but people are often taught to internalize things that aren't really about them at all, and are alienated from the world around them, made to think of society as this constant that has always been and always will be.

 

[Katerina]

It's happened to me a couple of times, find it even more annoying when I'm talking to someone and another person just comes along and interrupts like I'm not even there. A lot of it is probably because I'm pretty quiet so people don't expect me to start chatting (I don't know if that's the same for you) but regardless it's still pretty rude and kind of hurtful at times.

 

[Aisha]

That has happened on occasion. Generally, I prefer staying silent and just listening if I think I have nothing of worth to contribute. But if I want to talk, I will. If not, I leave if it makes me uncomfortable, and if there is no benefit for me or the group in my continued presence. Occasionally of course, it's not possible to just leave, since that would be rude. The most recent time I was in that situation was about a year and a half ago while with a group of three friends who were all caught up in discussing the effectiveness of prayer in religion. It was getting quite interesting since we were of all different religions or in one case, atheist. One of my friends made a point which the others seized on and continued debating him over it for a long period of time which left me twiddling my thumbs completely unsure what I was supposed to do, since what I was saying wasn't being heard. I gave up eventually. We were standing, and all three of them were at least a head taller than I was, so while they were able to talk directly over my head, I was left talking to their torsos and I doubt they have ears in that region. They continued until we all had to leave. I don't worry about things like that for too long. Two of them did drive three hours out to meet me some time later, so I don't think it was just that they didn't care during the previous moment, they just got caught up and engrossed in the topic at hand. I think that's what happens with a lot of people. They are focused only what they are talking about and it results in other people being excluded or feeling left out, particularly if the others aren't vocal enough or too shy to step forward and express an opinion.

 

[Serephina]

I prefer being in a one to one situation,I find the coversation a lot easier. I find it difficult to say anything in the first place but when I am in a group of people I just find myself taking a back seat and just letting everyone else get on with the conversation and just add the odd word here and there.

 

[9006]

What I tend to see is that generally, people are more interested in other people if they have a higher social status, this could be that they have more friends, or more money, or 'better' connections, or funnier, or anything like that.

It's when you're seem less that you get ignored. Pretty sad society is like this.

 

[Tiina63]

OP- I think that this happens to a lot of people who are on the quieter side and/or are not very confident. There must be something in our manner which tells them that it is ok to ignore us.
One experience I have been having recently is this. I go to a French group once a week and there is a guy who comes every so often and several times now, when he comes, I will be sitting chatting to someone, and he sits on the other side of whoever I am talking to, taps their arm, and starts talking to them, cutting me out completely. I so often feel like pouring my drink over his head!!

 

[Serephina]

Although I do get what you mean in that people with a higher social status as you call it tend to be more popular,I don't think for me personally that people who only look for that kind of thing make necessarily good friends,it's a bit shallow and lifes too short to hang around with people who see money as the be all and end all. I do however feel that having money would be an advantage on being able to meet and make friends because a lot of the places you can go to meet people these days require some money even if it is just to buy a drink or wherever it is that people meet other people nowadays.