TheSolitaryMan
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- Feb 25, 2011
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The past year or so, I've been feeling like my emotional state is a bit of a rollercoaster.
One day I will feel like I am handsome, smart, funny, confident and everything I'm working for is in my reach. Not in an arrogant way, just in a contented, happy way.
The next day I will feel very unattractive, stupid, lazy, completely weak and like I'm a failure in every regard.
Essentially what will cause this dramatic transformation of my self opinion will be some relatively minor event (whether I did well on an assessment, whether a girl showed me attention, whether I got on well with my friends, if I went to a social engagement or not, etc.)
I've always been very ambitious, and I think that's maybe where such harsh self criticism stems from. I've always wanted to be the best at what I do - and as a kid and a teenager, I was able to fulfill that almost all the time.
However, now I think as an adult, I'm realising that no one is utterly 100% perfect. Trying to be constantly perfect leads to inevitable failure, which leads to unhappiness.
It sounds so simple, but I wrote down some of my thoughts on myself, and realised how disproportionate my response usually is to the stimulus.
Example: Recently I did poorly on a work assessment. This is unusual for me. I then immediately just felt terrible for the rest of the day, to the point where I just curled up on the sofa silently for most of the evening.
I wrote down feelings I felt for myself at the time - and came up with stuff like "Idiot" and "Failure". Then I thought, what the hell? That was the one thing I'd not done so well on in pretty much a whole year.
It really opened my eyes to just how easy it is to put oneself down as opposed to lifting one's own spirits. I couldn't remember the last time I thought to myself "You're doing well."
This is more of a useless musing on my own nature, but I hope that maybe others who often feel down on themselves can have such a moment of clarity, it really puts things in perspective
From now on I'm working hard to listen to the compliments people pay me, and I'm trying to realise that I do a lot of things well as opposed to everything perfectly. I'm already feeling happier, I hope it lasts
One day I will feel like I am handsome, smart, funny, confident and everything I'm working for is in my reach. Not in an arrogant way, just in a contented, happy way.
The next day I will feel very unattractive, stupid, lazy, completely weak and like I'm a failure in every regard.
Essentially what will cause this dramatic transformation of my self opinion will be some relatively minor event (whether I did well on an assessment, whether a girl showed me attention, whether I got on well with my friends, if I went to a social engagement or not, etc.)
I've always been very ambitious, and I think that's maybe where such harsh self criticism stems from. I've always wanted to be the best at what I do - and as a kid and a teenager, I was able to fulfill that almost all the time.
However, now I think as an adult, I'm realising that no one is utterly 100% perfect. Trying to be constantly perfect leads to inevitable failure, which leads to unhappiness.
It sounds so simple, but I wrote down some of my thoughts on myself, and realised how disproportionate my response usually is to the stimulus.
Example: Recently I did poorly on a work assessment. This is unusual for me. I then immediately just felt terrible for the rest of the day, to the point where I just curled up on the sofa silently for most of the evening.
I wrote down feelings I felt for myself at the time - and came up with stuff like "Idiot" and "Failure". Then I thought, what the hell? That was the one thing I'd not done so well on in pretty much a whole year.
It really opened my eyes to just how easy it is to put oneself down as opposed to lifting one's own spirits. I couldn't remember the last time I thought to myself "You're doing well."
This is more of a useless musing on my own nature, but I hope that maybe others who often feel down on themselves can have such a moment of clarity, it really puts things in perspective
From now on I'm working hard to listen to the compliments people pay me, and I'm trying to realise that I do a lot of things well as opposed to everything perfectly. I'm already feeling happier, I hope it lasts
