I'm Pretty Sure I'm the only 19-year old who's never been on a single damn date.

[ExtensivexLDL]

THIS BLOWS. Recently I've been spending a lot of my time thinking about and browsing the web looking for advice on relationships.. Something that I've done a TRILLION amount OF TIMES before..And I wish I could stop..but I can't..I fear I'm gonna die alone.. I'm COMPLETELY INEXPERIENCED.. I mean reading about others' relationship problems you get stuff like, "well I'm a 20-year old guy who has never been in a serious relationship- the longest I've had one was for about a month"... Hey man, I've gotta say.. YOU'RE DOING A WHOLE LOT ******* BETTER THAN ME.. I'VE NEVER ASKED ANYONE OUT OR BEEN ON A SINGLE ******* DATE.. How's that? ****..Yeah, no one is gonna just waltz in into my life.. I've gotta put in the effort and all that ****.. I just wish that I had some guide to follow so I could finally meet someone.. ASK SOMEONE OUT. GET A SINGLE MEASLY DATE AT LEAST.. Despite all the stuff that I've read I feel like I'm going nowhere.. Who's to say that every single day from now on won't be like the ones that had happened before this? The same.. Either stay at home and do ********.. Go to lectures whenever I have classes- going back and forth.. And only OCCASIONALLY meet up with the dorky friends- THE ONLY ONES I HAVE BASICALLY.. Anyway I'm done my angry vent.. I'm just so frustrated with myself and could just wish I could live a "normal" life (whatever that is), and yet every single day is a reminder that I'm single, was always single, and was never even in the same ballpark whenever it came into getting into a relationship..I just feel time is running out for me.. And yeah LOL, I'm only 19..

 

[VanillaCreme]

You're not the only one. I'm past 19 now, and I've never been on an official date. I went through all my school years never having a boyfriend, or even anyone who was mildly interested in me. I believe that things happen when you least expect it. Don't be so harsh on yourself. Would you rather go for just anyone who will date you for whatever reason, or wait for someone who truly cares about you? Normal isn't the same for everyone, you know. Someone will come along who's just your match, and who will make you feel so complete, but it will take some time.

 

[Unacceptance]

No, you're not. Plenty of time to make it happen.

 

[ExtensivexLDL]

I agree with what you said VanillaCreme, though honestly as it is right now, I'm in fact willing to go on a date with just about anyone just so that I at least get that little bit of experience..It may sound strange, but that's the way I feel. Also, I believe that this is less of an issue for girls since they aren't the ones who have to do the approaching so I don't think that the fact that barely anyone has taken interest in you during high school really says anything about you. You might have been just overshadowed by more outgoing girls or something..

You're not the only one. I'm past 19 now, and I've never been on an official date. I went through all my school years never having a boyfriend, or even anyone who was mildly interested in me. I believe that things happen when you least expect it. Don't be so harsh on yourself. Would you rather go for just anyone who will date you for whatever reason, or wait for someone who truly cares about you? Normal isn't the same for everyone, you know. Someone will come along who's just your match, and who will make you feel so complete, but it will take some time.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Also, I believe that this is less of an issue for girls since they aren't the ones who have to do the approaching so I don't think that the fact that barely anyone has taken interest in you during high school really says anything about you. You might have been just overshadowed by more outgoing girls or something..

Get that notion out of your head.

I never said I wasn't outgoing, or anything of the sort. I was just never considered as dating material. I was always the "cool girl" that everyone knew. No guy ever considered me in "that" way. Guys aren't the only ones who approach someone either. I did, but I was told that I was only his close friend, and he wanted to keep it that way.

And as for being less of an issue for girls... We can be shy too. Shyness doesn't discriminate. No, it didn't make me less of a person that I didn't have guys crawling all over me. In fact, I look back now, and I'm glad I never had any issues like that. I'm glad I didn't have anything more to worry about other than graduating.

It doesn't make you any less of a person that you've never had a date. Relax, and let things come naturally. Great things come over time.

 

[ExtensivexLDL]

Makes sense. In my case it wasn't just shyness but full-blown social awkwardness. I actually had a fair number of girls hit on me back then but I was too socially inept and unsocial to do anything more than mumble back. Soon of course everyone began to see me as a social outcast and i began to justify this and my own ineptitude with the "cool loner" perspective which sank me so far down, I've only fairly recently started to recover. I fear in my case that me taking things "naturally" will lead me nowhere since I don't go out all that much anyway (my friends are pretty much dorks who like sitting around and roleplaying and not much else) and I don't do anything after lectures, since I dislike my university campus because of the insane amounts of time I spent alone and subsequently don't want to join clubs or anything.. I guess you could make the point that I should start doing that but still.. I dislike being alone in these scenarios and trying to get a different group of friends will take an insane amount of work for someone who still lives at home and commutes to where a lot of people live on residence or nearby.. I guess maybe should start by trying to move out and get my own place downtown, but that'll take enormous planning (in trying to find a location) plus I'm not sure my parents would be willing to pay for me, plus I'd also need a job somewhere close.. So yeah you can see it's not all that easy..

Also, I believe that this is less of an issue for girls since they aren't the ones who have to do the approaching so I don't think that the fact that barely anyone has taken interest in you during high school really says anything about you. You might have been just overshadowed by more outgoing girls or something..

Get that notion out of your head.

I never said I wasn't outgoing, or anything of the sort. I was just never considered as dating material. I was always the "cool girl" that everyone knew. No guy ever considered me in "that" way. Guys aren't the only ones who approach someone either. I did, but I was told that I was only his close friend, and he wanted to keep it that way.

And as for being less of an issue for girls... We can be shy too. Shyness doesn't discriminate. No, it didn't make me less of a person that I didn't have guys crawling all over me. In fact, I look back now, and I'm glad I never had any issues like that. I'm glad I didn't have anything more to worry about other than graduating.

It doesn't make you any less of a person that you've never had a date. Relax, and let things come naturally. Great things come over time.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Of course it's not easy like that. It's life. Gotta tough it out. I wouldn't personally suggest joining clubs... I wouldn't do that, and I would never suggest to someone something that I wouldn't do myself. I do, however, think that there's some person for you, and who will enjoy being around you and doing things you like to do. It only takes one special person in your life to make you realize what a treat you have in life.

 

[LonelyDragon]

Makes sense. In my case it wasn't just shyness but full-blown social awkwardness. I actually had a fair number of girls hit on me back then but I was too socially inept and unsocial to do anything more than mumble back. Soon of course everyone began to see me as a social outcast ...

I was very much the same way for a long long time except that I had only a few girls ever approach me. I was 19 before I had my first date. And the only reason that happened was because she was looking for someone to trick into doing something and I was the perfect mark. Then after that brought me down even further it was another 10 years before I ever tried again.


How about some "practice" runs? Is/are there any girl(s) you know well enough to be able to ask to go grab lunch or maybe to study together? Not an official date, but it's closer than you're at now. It would give you experience interacting and talking to them one on one without the prospect of a relationship pressuring you.

 

[Brian]

Don't fret my friend, I was 20 before I ever even asked a girl for her phone number. I've gotten a couple since then...though I have yet to actually score a date with anyone.

 

[Chris 2]

AHH the joy of me adding an even sadder story.

I'll be 20 in a few more days, and throughout my life I never had a date nor any girlfriend. What is even sadder about my life compare to your is I have not have any friend in 10 years, and I have not talk to any girl in 10 years, so that mean I haven't had any single female friends in ten year, and the longest I ever got to talk to one was 5 minute in one of my classes.

Now I'm pretty sure I have it the worst ever.

 

[Squall1988]

Im going to be 21 in march and not one single date...Ive had a weird long distance relationship once and ill just say i wish i didn't.


I sure hope we all get that special someone someday, more sooner than later...

 

[Brian]

Im going to be 21 in march and not one single date...Ive had a weird long distance relationship once and ill just say i wish i didn't.


I sure hope we all get that special someone someday, more sooner than later...

I had one of those once.

Yeah. Bad idea.

I ended up meeting her when all was said and done and I'd say that lead to more emotional scarring than anything else in my life. I think it was after that, actually, that I truly realized the massive problem I face.

Before that, I knew I was shy but I don't recall recognizing any other problem besides basic shyness and having no social circle. After it was over with, it really dawned on me that..well...I'm a bit beyond shy when it comes to women, lol.

 

[papparazzzi]

Whats the big deal in a date..just ask someone and have a coffee ! You want to waste more money...cool there are plenty of girls waiting to cheat guys .... give them a good time !

Cmmoooonnn !

AHH the joy of me adding an even sadder story.

I'll be 20 in a few more days, and throughout my life I never had a date nor any girlfriend. What is even sadder about my life compare to your is I have not have any friend in 10 years, and I have not talk to any girl in 10 years, so that mean I haven't had any single female friends in ten year, and the longest I ever got to talk to one was 5 minute in one of my classes.

Now I'm pretty sure I have it the worst ever.

 

[snow]

Whats the big deal in a date..just ask someone and have a coffee ! You want to waste more money...cool there are plenty of girls waiting to cheat guys .... give them a good time !

Cmmoooonnn !

Exactly...
What have you to lose.
Fear of rejection...I think the real rejection is you rejecting yourself.

Extensive, Brian, Chris 2...I wish you guys the best. There is a way to do it it just takes practice and you have to start sometime.
I'd say quit whining but talking about the problem has helped me in the past.

Watch James bond movies and Twilight...you might learn something!
And google David Deangelo.

 

[VanillaCreme]

AHH the joy of me adding an even sadder story.

I'll be 20 in a few more days, and throughout my life I never had a date nor any girlfriend. What is even sadder about my life compare to your is I have not have any friend in 10 years, and I have not talk to any girl in 10 years, so that mean I haven't had any single female friends in ten year, and the longest I ever got to talk to one was 5 minute in one of my classes.

Now I'm pretty sure I have it the worst ever.

Stop thinking that your life is the worst ever. It's not. It could be a whole lot worse than it really is. 10 years ago, you were 9, 10 years old. You're not supposed to be finding who you're going to be with forever at that age. You were a child then.

 

[ExtensivexLDL]

That's interesting of you to say- why do you suggest I not join any clubs? Not like I'm dying to do so but still..

Of course it's not easy like that. It's life. Gotta tough it out. I wouldn't personally suggest joining clubs... I wouldn't do that, and I would never suggest to someone something that I wouldn't do myself. I do, however, think that there's some person for you, and who will enjoy being around you and doing things you like to do. It only takes one special person in your life to make you realize what a treat you have in life.

Yeah that's a good idea-maybe.. There are only so many girls I know well though- two of them go to my campus- one has a boyfriend, the other is single (mostly)..I never want her to think I'm asking her out though or anything should it ever come to me meeting up with her for lunch or coffee or something..

How about some "practice" runs? Is/are there any girl(s) you know well enough to be able to ask to go grab lunch or maybe to study together? Not an official date, but it's closer than you're at now. It would give you experience interacting and talking to them one on one without the prospect of a relationship pressuring you.

Yeah, maybe everything will change in a year or so

Don't fret my friend, I was 20 before I ever even asked a girl for her phone number. I've gotten a couple since then...though I have yet to actually score a date with anyone.

Dude, it's ok. No matter how bad your life may seem, there's always someone out there who has it worse than you. What I'd recommend is to write down everything you feel is stopping you from having a better social life, then make a detailed plan on how you're going to tackle each issue and then follow up. It may take time, but you'll get results. Guaranteed.

I'll be 20 in a few more days, and throughout my life I never had a date nor any girlfriend. What is even sadder about my life compare to your is I have not have any friend in 10 years, and I have not talk to any girl in 10 years, so that mean I haven't had any single female friends in ten year, and the longest I ever got to talk to one was 5 minute in one of my classes.

Now I'm pretty sure I have it the worst ever.

Yeah, so simple isn't it..

Whats the big deal in a date..just ask someone and have a coffee ! You want to waste more money...cool there are plenty of girls waiting to cheat guys .... give them a good time !

Cmmoooonnn !

James Bond..right on lol

Watch James bond movies and Twilight...you might learn something!
And google David Deangelo.

That's true but everything counts- it's part of the socialization process. If you had very few to no friends when you were young, it's going to be harder for you to make some when you're older.

You're not supposed to be finding who you're going to be with forever at that age. You were a child then.

 

[Brian]

Oh, I know there's always someone who has it worse than me. I know a few of them actually...sometimes when I'm feeling bad, I just think "Hey, wait, I could be a drug-addicted loser like so-and-so and never get -anywhere- in life!" and sometimes I feel better =P

 

[ExtensivexLDL]

Hehe. I guess I didn't structure my response properly. That was meant for Chris lol

Oh, I know there's always someone who has it worse than me. I know a few of them actually...sometimes when I'm feeling bad, I just think "Hey, wait, I could be a drug-addicted loser like so-and-so and never get -anywhere- in life!" and sometimes I feel better =P

 

[ExtensivexLDL]

Unless you knew that and are just saying generally.. In that case, my bad..

Hehe. I guess I didn't structure my response properly. That was meant for Chris lol

Oh, I know there's always someone who has it worse than me. I know a few of them actually...sometimes when I'm feeling bad, I just think "Hey, wait, I could be a drug-addicted loser like so-and-so and never get -anywhere- in life!" and sometimes I feel better =P

 

[VanillaCreme]

That's interesting of you to say- why do you suggest I not join any clubs? Not like I'm dying to do so but still..

Of course it's not easy like that. It's life. Gotta tough it out. I wouldn't personally suggest joining clubs... I wouldn't do that, and I would never suggest to someone something that I wouldn't do myself. I do, however, think that there's some person for you, and who will enjoy being around you and doing things you like to do. It only takes one special person in your life to make you realize what a treat you have in life.

I just wouldn't suggest someone push themselves into a situation where I wouldn't want to be or would never do. I personally wouldn't join any clubs because that wouldn't make me more social or anything. I would just be sitting in an awkward spot, looking around, waiting to leave and go home. I just think that it really wouldn't help anything. I mean, it might... You might join one and make a friend or two unexpectedly. You never know. But just because you push yourself to join this club and that club doesn't mean you'll get anywhere with them.