I'm really, really, really struggling

[goldenauthor]

I can't take the loneliness and depression anymore. I hate my life.

I was picked on all my life and spent most of the time as a loner in school.

I've never really had friends, although I've had boyfriends and I'm currently homeless because my boyfriend and I's house burned down. I'm depressed because even though I lost all my stuff, that wasn't the important part. The part that hurts so much is that his Mom and dog were trapped in the house and killed in the fire.

I have very few people in my life, have trouble making friends, and am terrified of the few people I have left dying suddenly like his Mom (who I got along with) and dog did.

I cry and am terrified every single day. And I've spent the majority of my life like this.

Please be my friend.

 

[Badjedidude]

Welcome to the site.

 

[VeganAtheist]

I must say that is a horrible thing that happened -- it sucks ass. Unfortunately, life doesn't owe us happiness so we must make due on our own which for some, myself included, is very difficult (near impossible for some). Hopefully your circumstance will change for the better. I can only offer my online friendship (which isn't worth much (listed free on craigslist)).


Note: My paragraph seems disjointed an poorly worded/punctuated. hmmm...

 

[IgnoredOne]

You have my sympathies. I assume that there is some form of insurance that is helping cover the financial consequences?

 

[meekthoughts]

badjedidude --> glad to be type 1, but that's probably the majority nowadays

What you have gone through is truly terrible and there is no possible way I can understand what you are going through right now. However, thank goodness you are really trying to deal with this positively by seeking help and support.

There's not much I can do, but I will definitely listen to what you have to say and offer any words of (questionable) wisdom I have to offer. Don't give up! Not all of life is bad. It may be a real struggle, but there are people who can help you get through the toughest of times until things turn for the better. I hope these words have eased your mind even if a little bit.

 

[LoneKiller]

You've come to the right place friend. Give us a chance you just might find some friends here that are truly compassionate. I'm LoneKiller. Nice to meet you.

 

[Arcane]

Hello. You can pm me any time...I try to be a friend because I don't have any myself.

 

[goldenauthor]

We have no insurance helping with the house because we were renting the house and his Mom had no life insurance, but we've honestly had to stoop and beg people for the money for his Mom's body to be taken care of and luckily we've gotten enough for that.

We know people that have been letting us stay with them also. It's just hard to be struggling financially.

But like I said, the worst part about the whole thing is the person and dog we lost. >_< It hurts so bad that I've gotten a bit psychotically overprotective of my own family, worried about them suddenly dying. We were talking to her the hour before she died and then the next hour we were being told she was dead. All we did was leave the house for an hour and then we got home to see our house surrounded by policemen, ambulances, fire men, animal control, the gas company, the electric company, coroners, and the red cross. And a pastor who was there that (I would never otherwise do this in my life) I screamed out every swear word I knew in front of as I yelled about the fact that the house was burned down and people were killed.

There was an electrical fire that had been burning in our walls for awhile unknown to us and the house went up completely in 15 minutes. They told us that hardly anyone dies in house fires and that ours was the worst one they'd seen in awhile.

 

[Gravity]

I can only echo everyone else and say that you truly have my sympathies - the fire must have been a horrible thing to happen, especially because of your relationship with his mother.

The good news is that your responses to the situation sound totally rational - I can't imagine handling it any better than you did. As an extreme effort to look on the bright side, at least you have somewhere to stay now and you were able to make sure his mother's body was taken care of - both very important things. And you do have your boyfriend too, I'm sure you'll be able to lean on each other a lot during this time. Sometimes just having someone else to be there for makes dealing with things easier.

Do you have the ability to seek any kind of counseling? I'm guessing not, but if you have the chance I'd take it, it could be very helpful for you - people aren't really meant to deal with this kind of stress. Some counseling can be lots less expensive than you think, too - you may even be able to get hold of something via the Red Cross, lots of services are available for people who lose their homes.

In any case, glad you're coming on here at least - feel free to pm me any time as well, always happy to listen and/or offer any thoughts.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Fires are terrifying. I know what it can be like to deal with the suddenness of death, and how people you imagine would be around forever are ripped away from you. It is a lesson, in a way, to live life to the fullest while it is still there. As an aside, I found that the place I lived in for a few months burned down within a month of me moving out.

Awareness and preparation can help. I keep fire extinguishers, etc, around the house and plan for dealing with smoke inhalation and other hazards. In the end, though, its still a tough row as you have my sympathies.

You mentioned a pastor - I assume that he will be providing some counseling to you in this time of trauma?