I'm withdrawing myself from the world...

[idontknow]

My parents have treated me differently since I got pregnant with my first child. I want them to accept me but in order for that to happen I would have to marry a doctor and go to their stupid church, and live the upper-class "American Dream" like they do... I'm nothing like them. I can't talk to them about anything - I have to just pretend like I'm doing everything they want me to do, when I'm not, and I don't even want to. I get so jealous of people that can talk to their Mom about everything because I can't. I've learned that from experience. If I try talking to my mom about something; the next day I'll be getting asked all kinds of questions from my brother and other family members about the conversation with my mom. She blabs when I was just confiding in her. So she has been marked off my list of "people I can trust" which hurts. My dad, well... I've never been able to talk to him about anything. I only have two really good friends, one is always busy and she has her own problems, I feel like I'm bothering her everytime I talk to her, and my other friend... well, all she does is complain about everything in her life, if I tell her about something that is bothering me she always "one ups" me. "That's nothing.. how would you feel if...blah blah blah." My concerns mean nothing to her.

The father of my children, whom I was in a relationship with for seven years (but we have been separated for almost a year now) is the closest thing I have to a friend. Still, I can't talk to him about everything, because if something is bothering me he takes it so personal, like I'm attacking him, and he gets defensive. Either that or he will get emotional and insecure, even if whats bothering me has nothing to do with him!

I feel like I'm withdrawing myself from the world. It seems like no one cares at all. If they seem like they do I instantly think they are only pretending because they are going to ask me for something in return. Oh, and that's another thing. I have a decent job, almost every time I get paid, at least two people ask me to borrow money. I've said yes in the past but I don't anymore because they didn't (and still haven't) paid me back. Maybe I'm a bitch for it, but I'm a single mother of two, money doesn't grow on trees.

I just feel so alone. I want my parents to accept me but I don't think they ever will unless I end up like them, and I don't want that at all. My friends are not there when I need them, I feel used. My "people I can trust" list is completely empty. I don't trust a soul on this planet, except for myself. Sometimes I just need someone to listen, that's all.

Sorry this is so long.

 

[samba101]

No it wasn't long at all quite short infact to some peoples posts I've seen. Yeah it seems as if your stuck and have nowhere to turn which is hard when at the end of the day all you want is someone to lean on and tell your troubles too, it's that emotional need that we need to have fulfilled to lighten the weight on our shoulders.

I'm sorry to hear about your parents, I have a close relationship with mine so I don't know how that feels aside from the fact when I was younger and couldn't tell them what I really wanted to say.

Lending money to people I've found isn't the greatest thing to do, they don't seem to realise that your not the bank and you don't have an endless supply of money. It took me 4 months to get back mine and I was furious because I'm not exactly assertive enough to state I want it back, then they wanted to borrow more and I found myself making up lies time and time again, so good for you for putting your foot down.

My ex could be like your friend not in the fact of trying to beat me in my problems but for the fact it didn't seem like he listened to what I was saying, people like that can be down right irritating, makes you not want to say anything to begin with.

Welcome to the forum.

 

[Hope]

Hi "idontknow", I can relate in terms of parents (don't get me started!) and in terms of so-called-friends who are "too busy" to make time for friendship...

My 2 pence (or cent) on the money subject: I only ever give/ borrow as much money as I can afford to write off! Doesn't mean I wouldn't be disappointed in the person who "borrows without giving back" (=stealing) but at least it doesn't hurt me finacially. And a decent person would not ask you for more than you can afford yourself.

Take care.

 

[epileptic]

Sometimes, isolation and seperating yourself from everyone you know is the best thing to do for yourself. It allows for reflection on your life, situation, and purpose.

You need to understand that people have no idea whats going on. Even if they show signs of complete control over their situation. They are all running around like chickens with their heads cut off. Afraid of being alone, afraid of dieing, afraid of the unknown. Such constant fears drive people to do irrational things. And usually the negative people try and push their negative views on people around them. Not everyone is understanding to opposite belief structures and point of views. Some people even hate the idea of someone not thinking like them and will bash them for ignorance or stupidity.

I understand that its hard, especially if you feel like you have noone to confide in... For me, personally, I have completely isolated myself from my friends. All we ever did when we hung out was drink, and then a couple of my friends would act all negative and bash on each other. Didnt sound like a good time for me, so I got out of their. Im allowing this alone time to find myself spiritually.

I wish you well and hope that you strive for a better spiritual life.. here is something im hopeing will help you on your journey.

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