As the title says, I am in love with my best friend but she (I am bi) doesn't feel the same way. We have been email friends for a few years and were supportive and helpful to each other throughout that time. Neither of us has much of a support network, so we came to rely on each other a lot and had each other's backs. I didn't develop stronger feelings for her than friendship until we met in real life and since then I have completely fallen in love with her. I told her but she said she is straight, so I know there is no hope, even though I keep hoping she will change her mind. I have had to go no contact and stop following her on social media to get space and time to recover. If I had known this would happen, I would never have met her and we could have continued with our close and supportive online friendship. It has totally taken both of us by surprise. Apart from missing her because I love her, I also miss our daily messages to each other and her care and compassion. But I would constantly be wanting more than friendship if we were in touch now. She said she is really lonely without me, but I can't just be her friend. The whole thing is making me suicidal and, if I didn't have my cat, I wouldn't be here. The pain is so immense and I can't think about anything else. Has anyone else ever been in this situation? If so, what helped you to recover from it? She was my main source of support and if I had fallen for someone else, she would have been there for me every step of the way.
In love with my best friend who doesn't feel the same way
- Thread starter Tiina63
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Hi Tiina, we've never conversed before and I've had a quick read over some of your prior posts. I probably don't have anything of value to say, but I've been in situations of unrequited love, but not like your situation where the other person was of so much support value. I think the only answer is time and distance, and get distracted from thinking of the other person so much. which I know is so difficult. I see that you've had a few situations of losing friends and loved ones, and loneliness is very present in your life, so perhaps, when someone new and interesting and supportive comes into your life, you may be more prone to generate more intense feelings for such a person, because there just isn't anyone else and they get all your focus. If our lives had an abundance of friends, then perhaps the situation wouldn't be as devastating to us. I don't know. Stay occupied with other things, love your cat, make new connections. You just have to accept the other person's situation. You know you can't force their hand, and even if you could, you would regret it later. It is what is it Tiina, so you have to accept it and move on. Perhaps you can reconnect platonically again one day and become supportive friends, but for now, it's not a practical option for you. That's my two cents for what it's worth.
I would suggest to not let eros control you and destroy the friendship between the both of you. Face and fight it instead. For her, for yourself, for all possible future friendships with people you can't be with romantically/sexually. Both of you lose way too much if you let those feelings control you. I know how hard this is but it's the right thing to do. Because it leads you out of your social isolation.
That's an important aspect, a trap to easily step into. I've done it myself in the past.
TropicalStarfish
Well-known member
Make sure she knows how much you have appreciated her support, care, and concern; especially if you must distance yourself for a time.
Let your heart hurt; that let's you know you have a heart to love with. Love and pain go together.
That's what makes love so wonderful, and so painful, sometimes.
Let time pass. You may lose to unrequited love, and find, the heart has It's own way of forgetting to time, what must be let go of, and remembering and cherishing, that which isn't to be forgotten.
Sorry you are going through it @Tiina63. (I recognize your name from over the years, by the by.. ) Take it easy, if you can.
There's that old, old saying: "When one door closes, another one opens." Or a window, or whatever, heh
Hang on to that friendship if you can; but, if you need time, or have to do what you have to do, that's also as it is.
Let your heart hurt; that let's you know you have a heart to love with. Love and pain go together.
That's what makes love so wonderful, and so painful, sometimes.Let time pass. You may lose to unrequited love, and find, the heart has It's own way of forgetting to time, what must be let go of, and remembering and cherishing, that which isn't to be forgotten.
Sorry you are going through it @Tiina63. (I recognize your name from over the years, by the by.. ) Take it easy, if you can.
There's that old, old saying: "When one door closes, another one opens." Or a window, or whatever, heh
Hang on to that friendship if you can; but, if you need time, or have to do what you have to do, that's also as it is.
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Hoarse Whisperer
You like me and I, like you, like me.
All you can really do in a situation of attraction that pulls at your heart strings and occupies your mind is be honest- with yourself most of all. You want something that is likely not going to happen at this time. One thing about life is that you can't predict what is coming tomorrow. Your friend may discover changing interests later down the line or maybe they won't. The important thing is that you keep looking forward to the next opportunity to find happiness because I promise you it will come. And don't be afraid to reach out to people to discuss your feelings. I'm quite sure there are a few of us on here that would gladly let you vent to us or offer our perspective if that's what you desire.
