Intense insecurity

[encounter]

I have tremendous insecurity about myself so bear with me on this post hehe. I think I may have a bit of body dysmorphic disorder so that may be a reason I even worry about this subject. This may sound like a strange/dumb question but...

When you have truly been in love with someone do you ever feel like they are the most beautiful person inside and out to you? Or is that never a possibility and you will always find others more attractive than the one you are with?

I was reading some comments somewhere else where people wrote that you will always find others more attractive than who you are with (even if who you are with is very attractive to you). That you will always be checking out others and finding them more attractive. When you check out others while in a relationship does that always mean you find that other person more attractive?

I hardly like anyone. I think I am almost asexual. But the few times I find people attractive (and if I am with someone) I have no interest in checking them out and I don't find them MORE attractive than who I am with. I felt I was in love one time and I felt like he was the most gorgeous person to me inside and out.

A lot of this insecurity was caused by things my family would say. My mom had even said things like "a lot of people can be prettier than your sis" when my sis had made a comment about her thinking she was not pretty enough for a guy. My mom always seemed uncomfortable when people complimented her daughters' looks as if she didn't agree? and by other comments she said made it seem like it was odd when people complimented me.

Irrational or not it makes me feel like if my mom can think sooo many people are more attractive than her own daugthers (which I think my sisters are gorgeous) then the guy will definitely think like her.

My ex bf told me he found the celebrities that he seemed to be more interested in than me more attractive than me as well as (there is a possibility as he put it) many people he saw in person.

When with him (before he said this) I worried he thought of the celebs or exes or an imaginary woman or something while we were intimate. I always felt he was more attracted to others etc. I also worry that most people seem to never get over their exes so that they are not totally into me and the relationship. I worry about always being compared to them.

Yes I am beyond issued ( I like this "word") hehehe.

 

[Steel]

When I see someone seemingly deriving delight in putting others down, I usually assume that the person does so because of their own self-esteem issues. After all, it is easier to feel good about yourself if you lower the "competition" a notch or two.

 

[coricopat]

When you're in love with someone, it tends to 'soften' although not erase their flaws. This goes for both physical and personality issues.

It's safe to say, regardless of how you look, that you're not the most attractive female in the world and that there will be other women that are more attractive than you. But that's ok because it isn't a contest. You do sound like you have self-esteem issues. Welcome to the club!

Your mother and ex both FAIL. Moms are notorious for tearing down their daughters' self-esteem. My own ex was hardly a looker by any stretch of the imagination, but I made sure he knew I thought he was beautiful, and while I didn't hide that I sometimes noticed other men, I didn't rate them in front of him either.

 

[VanillaCreme]

When you're in love, you tend to overlook a lot of not-so-pretty things about someone. You don't mind if their face is crooked, or if they have bed-head at 4 PM. Or if they snore, or if they clank their spoon on their teeth when they eat. Love is acceptance, and if you can't accept someone, then loving them is a strained thing. I agree with Steel. Usually when people put others down, it's because they're insecure about themselves. And while my ex was so insecure about himself in many ways, and while he was a butthole, he never, ever put me down. He always said I was beautiful. While I don't agree with it, he always made it a point to make sure I knew he thought I was.

As far as your mom... Daughters are to be treasured. And it's a shame some moms feel like their daughters are competition to them. She's supposed to be making sure you mature into something as beautiful as she was, regardless if it overshadows her.