Introverts + Extroverts (ready...set...discuss)

[jd7]

CAN THEY MAKE IT WORK?

Do you 'really' know if you are an Introvert or an Extrovert? (Some people have misconceptions about which they actually are.)

I am an Introvert. But we don't all come in the same flavors. With both, I's and E's, there is a broad spectrum of thoughts, feelings, behaviors, likes and dislikes, etc. So there is no cookie-cutter stereotype that fits all.

As said, I am an Introvert that has extensive conditioning in behaving like an Extrovert. First of all, I've worked with the general public for nearly fifteen years. Every day - meeting new people, going new places, doing different things, thrust into it. Before that, I worked in the service industry and tended bar - again...people. (In the beginning, it was nothing short of torture. Now, it's like second nature - the power of conditioning.)

The key difference between I's and E's is in what RECHARGES their batteries and in what DRAINS their batteries. It's not in what they are capable of doing or may even like to do from time to time. For instance, I am perfectly capable of public speaking, leadership roles, voicing my opinion (sometimes, too loudly or too often), telling stories and jokes to a crowd at a party, etc... and I enjoy these things... BUT they "drain" me. From my reading, it seems that Extroverts actually "recharge" from such social stimulation.

My "Introverted" quirks:

- It's real hard to pretend I like someone that I don't
- I'm very choosy about who I spend my time with
- If a crowd doesn't feel right, I want to leave
- I'm often mistaken for stuck-up, an *******, or mean
- I could never go to another party or huge gathering, and that would be just fine
(doesn't mean I can't go and have fun though)

It's an interesting dichotomy: I's and E's

I have no idea who in-the-hell Dr. Nerdlove is, but I found that this article was interesting...

http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2013/08/introverts-date-extroverts/

 

[SophiaGrace]

Jd from what I know of you, it seems like you often think in black and white in terms of psychology of people. That people are either one thing or the other. I think what is closer to the truth here is that Introversion and extraversion are on a scale. Some are closer to the introvert side, others are closer to the extrovert side but a majority of people are a mix of both. Sort of like a bell-curve.

Now, whether they can live together. *shrug* I have no idea. I haven't studied intimate relationship dynamics in psychology or counseling yet.

Also something to note: With this forum there is probably a likelihood of some bias here. In the sense that people who are lonely are probably on the introvert side of things. Now, whether this hypothesis of mine is right or not, who knows? This isn't a controlled experiment, but do be aware of your audience here while asking this question and how that may bias their responses.

 

[jd7]

Jd from what I know of you, it seems like you often think in black and white in terms of psychology of people. That people are either one thing or the other. I think what is closer to the truth here is that Introversion and extraversion are on a scale. Some are closer to the introvert side, others are closer to the extrovert side but a majority of people are a mix of both. Sort of like a bell-curve.

Now, whether they can live together. *shrug* I have no idea. I haven't studied intimate relationship dynamics in psychology or counseling yet.

Also something to note: With this forum there is probably a likelihood of some bias here. In the sense that people who are lonely are probably on the introvert side of things. Now, whether this hypothesis of mine is right or not, who knows? This isn't a controlled experiment, but do be aware of your audience here while asking this question and how that may bias their responses.

All good points. Duly noted. I forget we have our own psychologist in the house! The only question I have is do you have a comfy leather couch and will you shortchange me on my 50 minutes?!

 

[Nuzzy Nuz]

Am a 50% an extrovert and 50% an introvert.. so am an Ambivert.
Wikipedia explanation (edited by me):
Extraversion
- Extraversion = "the act, state, or habit of being predominantly concerned with obtaining gratification from what is outside the self".
- Extraverts:
*Tend to enjoy human interactions (Thrive off of being around other people)
*To be enthusiastic
*Talkative
*Assertive
*Gregarious
*Energized
- They take pleasure in:
*Activities that involve large social gatherings (exarties, community activities, public demonstrations, and business or political groups)
*Enjoying time spent with people
- Find less reward in time spent alone. They tend to be energized when around other people, and they are more prone to boredom when they are by themselves.

Introversion
- Introversion = "the state of or tendency toward being wholly or predominantly concerned with and interested in one's own mental life".
- Some popular psychologists have characterized introverts as people whose energy tends to expand through reflection and dwindle during interaction.
- They often take pleasure in:
*Solitary activities (Ex: reading
writing
using computers
hiking
fishing
*The archetypal artist, writer, sculptor, engineer, composer and inventor are all highly introverted
- An introvert:
*enjoy time spent alone
- Find less reward in time spent with large groups of people, though he or she may enjoy interactions with close friends.
- Trust is usually an issue of significance: a virtue of utmost importance to introverts is choosing a worthy companion.
- They prefer to concentrate on a single activity at a time and like to observe situations before they participate, especially observed in developing children and adolescents.
- They are more analytical before speaking.
- Introverts are easily overwhelmed by too much stimulation from social gatherings and engagement, introversion having even been defined by some in terms of a preference for a quiet, more minimally stimulating external environment.
- Mistaking introversion for shyness is a common error. Introverts prefer solitary to social activities, but do not necessarily fear social encounters like shy people do.

Ambiversion
- Although many people view being introverted or extraverted as a question with only two possible answers, most contemporary trait theories measure levels of extraversion-introversion as part of a single, continuous dimension of personality, with some scores near one end, and others near the half-way mark.
- Ambiversion is falling more or less directly in the middle.An ambivert is moderately comfortable with groups and social interaction, but also relishes time alone, away from a crowd.

 

[Seeker_2.0]

I am neither, since I don't believe in labels. I am just me.

 

[Solivagant]

I forget we have our own psychologist in the house!

Make that two.

I'm an introvert, and very much towards the far end of the spectrum in that regard.

Personal experience tells me that introverts and extroverts are fine together under the right circumstances, as long as they have realistic expectations of each other.

 

[jd7]

I forget we have our own psychologist in the house!

Make that two.

I'm an introvert, and very much towards the far end of the spectrum in that regard.

Personal experience tells me that introverts and extroverts are fine together under the right circumstances, as long as they have realistic expectations of each other.

That's a positive report.

 

[Peaches]

I am the worst (with regards to suffering) a hyper-sensitive extrovert

love the action, but their bodies can't stand it and need quiet

 

[Case]

I think that the right amount of introversion in one and extroversion in another can offer benefits in a relationship as long as there is a full understanding and compassion about the other person's needs. If there is one person who refuses to compromise, there will always be trouble. However, if both people bend a little to help the other feel like their needs are being met, and both people feel fulfilled, I think the introvert/extrovert pairing can be wonderful.

(Source: As a moderately introverted person, my longest relationships were with moderately extroverted women. )

 

[ladyforsaken]

I think that the right amount of introversion in one and extroversion in another can offer benefits in a relationship as long as there is a full understanding and compassion about the other person's needs. If there is one person who refuses to compromise, there will always be trouble. However, if both people bend a little to help the other feel like their needs are being met, and both people feel fulfilled, I think the introvert/extrovert pairing can be wonderful.

(Source: As a moderately introverted person, my longest relationships were with moderately extroverted women. )

I do agree with Case's post. I think that if the couple can have a balance of it well, between who's introverted and who's extroverted, that would be great. I don't know how 2 extroverts can live together because both would wanna be talking and doing things. I believe everyone has a side they lean more towards, but I also believe that each one of us can try to be flexible and be one or the other with someone we're close to.

 

[mountainvista]

I think that the right amount of introversion in one and extroversion in another can offer benefits in a relationship as long as there is a full understanding and compassion about the other person's needs. If there is one person who refuses to compromise, there will always be trouble. However, if both people bend a little to help the other feel like their needs are being met, and both people feel fulfilled, I think the introvert/extrovert pairing can be wonderful.

(Source: As a moderately introverted person, my longest relationships were with moderately extroverted women. )

I agree with this post, and the bolded part should be the key in any relationship.

Probably the greatest lesson I've learned from my past relationships is that it can be too easy to lose our sense of compassion when our hurts get tangled into the mix. Wounds to the Ego and the Id. It's something I've been working on. Actually I've found that my job has been helping in that respect, because if there is any job out there where compassion is a requirement, it is nursing.

 

[lonelydoc]

I'm an introvert but I've diagnosed myself with having a reaction to a broken, corrupt world that is not worth investing in.

If I were more positive I would be more extroverted and then these two would feed on themselves. But as it is I see no future for humanity so I'm introverted as a defense against this.

 

[Juliet]

Definite introvert here.

Need to be alone to re-energise.
Enjoy reading, movies, computer games.
Find people very tiring.
Don't go to parties/gatherings.
Don't enjoy 'small talk'.
Prefer writing to speaking, and need time to process information.
Love learning/studying.

Other things I think could be tied to introversion -
Sensitive to light (can't get to sleep if light on in house), and noise.

 

[ardour]

^^ some of those apply. Definitely a light sleeper.

Socializing is exhausting at times, but there are other factors that contribute to that feeling, like being excluded from peer groups during adolescence, delaying development of social skills. These things tend to shrink one's comfort zone. It's part of who you are but not necessarily a preference.

 

[PenDragon]

I'm more like 70-30, 70 Extrovert and 30 intro. but it was not the case earlier, back in the day it was reverse. Back then I used to be so introvert that I used to go days without saying a single word. Those 30% if introvert is still here when I feel down or sad or slightly depressed I don't want to share my pain with anyone. In those moments I stay in my room all day doing nothing just penning down few thoughts here and there but mostly silent.

 

[jd7]

Definite introvert here.

Need to be alone to re-energise.
Enjoy reading, movies, computer games.
Find people very tiring.
Don't go to parties/gatherings.
Don't enjoy 'small talk'.
Prefer writing to speaking, and need time to process information.
Love learning/studying.

Other things I think could be tied to introversion -
Sensitive to light (can't get to sleep if light on in house), and noise.

Interesting. I don't need to be 'alone' to re-energize. But I need to be either by myself or with my significant other (us alone) to re-energize. The whole group thing is tiring. Too many conflicting wavelengths going on in such settings. It's like a kaleidoscope.

I enjoy smalltalk when it's genuine. I don't enjoy it when it's fake. Some people are good at being real, even if you've never met them before. I can easily and enjoyably make smalltalk with these folks. But others, with their false pretenses, it's virtually unbearable. Fragile egos irritate me. And when others send subtle cues that they need me to reinforce their self-concepts, it's rather irritating. And to me, that describes smalltalk for most people - essentially, verbal masturbation for the purpose of heavily stroking egos.

"Oh, look at me!"
"Oh, look at me!"
"Oh, hey, let's look at each other!"
"Oh MY...we are fabulous!"

 

[Solivagant]

Definite introvert here.

Need to be alone to re-energise.
Enjoy reading, movies, computer games.
Find people very tiring.
Don't go to parties/gatherings.
Don't enjoy 'small talk'.
Prefer writing to speaking, and need time to process information.
Love learning/studying.

Other things I think could be tied to introversion -
Sensitive to light (can't get to sleep if light on in house), and noise.

^ Me too, all of the above.

 

[jason2023]

My "Introverted" quirks:

- It's real hard to pretend I like someone that I don't
- I'm very choosy about who I spend my time with
- If a crowd doesn't feel right, I want to leave
- I'm often mistaken for stuck-up, an *******, or mean
- I could never go to another party or huge gathering, and that would be just fine
(doesn't mean I can't go and have fun though)

I've never really googled or read of traits of introverts, until now... And that describes me.

I'd say naturally I'm introverted (always knew I preferred a friend to a group, or not speaking out unless I have to, etc.). But like you, due to work, I've had to adapt to come out of my shell.

Sometimes, however, I feel in that "flow state" or in that mood and I become extroverted.