Is it normal? Is it ok?

[SlavicNa97]

I have met a nice guy from India my age yesterday. Similar hobbies, similar perspective, he cares for animals.. Just he was slowly going more into a relationship topics or like "blessing" me (how good I am, full of knowledge etc). In general he is nice and he seems to be an interesting person as a human. Besides that he believes in the relationship (I mentioned to him few times that I want him to slow down, hope he understood) super fast while I am just myself and I can genuinely be interested in people as humans, into their hobbies, beliefs (I guess it is normal; if we are a fan of Leonardo da Vinci it is about his work, mind, not about it that we want to date him, right?), am I normal that I feel in a specific way "overwhelmed"?
A relationship especially in a situation when it gets fast and someone blesses me, it feels like a huge responsibility and like the world expects me to say "yes" (out of experience I know sooner or later it will colapse because for example I won't be still in a good time, I won't develop full attraction to him in time, distance etc etc) because he is such a good guy.
Also it feels like "against to my attraction" in a way that I prefer more simple guys, "less talkative".
Words as a love language is big 'no' for me out of experience in varied ways.

Also this type of people like him who have this type of expression mostly feel like friends to me or even some lower level because it is just beginning of any relation, we are strangers yet each other.

So is it normal? Am I normal? Will I ever find a right guy or I have too high expectations and I must learn how to be single or force myself "to choose what is left"?

 

[Sunless Sky]

It's okay to feel this way. Have you considered to continue to get to know him before jumping into a relationship? One red flag is if he begins to pressure you for a relationship. If he truly is a nice guy, he'll respect your wishes.

 

[SlavicNa97]

It's okay to feel this way. Have you considered to continue to get to know him before jumping into a relationship? One red flag is if he begins to pressure you for a relationship. If he truly is a nice guy, he'll respect your wishes.

Fun fact: we aren't in the relationship.
For me it is still like beginning and it was fun, fell nice that pre-getting to know each other.. It feels like whenever I am myself and nice = some guys who aren't I guess too successful in interactions (it feels that way, maybe I am wrong), fall in way too fast...

Also still I am getting to know him but when I get a specific vibe from him and will keep that way, I don't see future from myself with him, he feels max as a quick friend whom I just met

 

[Abstamyous]

The most important part is you draw the line. There is nothing wrong with you being interested in getting to know people. Sometimes, others jump to conclusions on what that interest actually means. You should feel safe to move at your own speed, even in just friendships.

 

[Unsigned]

@SlavicNa97
You're a female?
I just assumed you were a male...

 

[SlavicNa97]

The most important part is you draw the line. There is nothing wrong with you being interested in getting to know people. Sometimes, others jump to conclusions on what that interest actually means. You should feel safe to move at your own speed, even in just friendships.

Thank you for your response too.
Is it possible to draw the line, raise the assertiveness and at the same time be respectful towards another person without hurting them?
It is something what out of experience worries me too. I don't like to be a part of others pain in that way but I know then if these guys get what they want is more me on no any way or fake or full of compassion only

 

[SlavicNa97]

@SlavicNa97
You're a female?
I just assumed you were a male...

Medically I am a female

 

[Sunless Sky]

Fun fact: we aren't in the relationship.
For me it is still like beginning and it was fun, fell nice that pre-getting to know each other.. It feels like whenever I am myself and nice = some guys who aren't I guess too successful in interactions (it feels that way, maybe I am wrong), fall in way too fast...

Also still I am getting to know him but when I get a specific vibe from him and will keep that way, I don't see future from myself with him, he feels max as a quick friend whom I just met

It sounds like it is too early to tell at this stage. Is he a friend? Is it something more? No one knows at this point. If you think you two are at least compatible as friends then by all means, go for it. Continue to get to know him and don't worry or overthink.

BUT, and this is a big butt, like Abstamyous said, don't be afraid to draw the line if you think this should only be a friendship.

 

[Abstamyous]

Thank you for your response too.
Is it possible to draw the line, raise the assertiveness and at the same time be respectful towards another person

This is 10000000% possible.

without hurting them?

This is out of your control.

 

[SlavicNa97]

It sounds like it is too early to tell at this stage. Is he a friend? Is it something more? No one knows at this point. If you think you two are at least compatible as friends then by all means, go for it. Continue to get to know him and don't worry or overthink.

BUT, and this is a big butt, like Abstamyous said, don't be afraid to draw the line if you think this should only be a friendship.

Thank you a lot for the response. It calms me down more. Just I am aware more of it that I have to be stronger with words.
Kinda I was with him. Before him in other friendships I was in a very bad shape or too scared to say "hey we aren't in a relationship, I don't feel anything". Just need to raise self-esteem and assertivenes.. All Gods and Goddesses save me Hope it will get easier in time at least

 

[Sunless Sky]

Thank you a lot for the response. It calms me down more. Just I am aware more of it that I have to be stronger with words.
Kinda I was with him. Before him in other friendships I was in a very bad shape or too scared to say "hey we aren't in a relationship, I don't feel anything". Just need to raise self-esteem and assertivenes.. All Gods and Goddesses save me Hope it will get easier in time at least

It will get easier, trust me. It will get easier with time AND practice. Just remember that you are not responsible for other people's feelings. You need to make the decisions that are best for you and don't shy away from that because you are afraid of hurting someone. You are both adults after all.

 

[SlavicNa97]

It will get easier, trust me. It will get easier with time AND practice. Just remember that you are not responsible for other people's feelings. You need to make the decisions that are best for you and don't shy away from that because you are afraid of hurting someone. You are both adults after all.

Thank you a lot for your response. I will try to train it. Just one question came to my mind. Besides this is something what we should learn from family first, what age do you think we as humans should develop fully these skills?
I am 27, doesn't it look like "pretty late" that I am slowly going into that and I try to fight for myself?

 

[Sunless Sky]

Thank you a lot for your response. I will try to train it. Just one question came to my mind. Besides this is something what we should learn from family first, what age do you think we as humans should develop fully these skills?
I am 27, doesn't it look like "pretty late" that I am slowly going into that and I try to fight for myself?

There is no age for these things. Sure, it might feel like you should've learn these things as a child or teen but, these lessons are learned at different stages in life for people. Some learn it early, some don't learn it at all, and everything in between. So don't worry about being "late". Just focus on practising assertiveness. It's a skill, and like any skill, it needs to be trained. So start small, very small with it. If you keep it up, then sooner or later, you will become more assertive. You are still young btw so don't worry.

 

[Abstamyous]

I am 27, doesn't it look like "pretty late" that I am slowly going into that and I try to fight for myself?

You're going to be a new person multiple times over the rest of your life, with new realizations and wisdom. That's worth giving yourself some grace for.

 

[TheRealCallie]

So I will never tell someone to keep at something if they really feel it's not right and I 100% believe that everyone should be themselves, but I have to wonder if you are sabotaging potential relationships because they aren't perfect from the start. Of course I'm not saying you are doing this on purpose. You probably wouldn't know you were doing it, even if you are.

Now, the reason I say this is because a day is nothing. You can talk a lot in a day, sure, but you won't really know anything about the other person yet. And in order to get to know someone, you have to talk....and talk a lot. Also, talking a lot in the beginning doesn't necessarily mean that they always talk a lot. I understand that you are looking for someone who is going to understand you and you should definitely have that. But at the same time, how can someone get to know you if you don't give them a real chance to?

As for your views on relationship and how fast or slow you are willing to go. You should definitely be respected about that, but at the same time, they also deserve the same respect and understanding about how they feel toward relationships. And being in a relationship doesn't necessarily mean you have to jump right into the sack. Friendship is also a relationship, so if you want to start there, that's perfectly fine, but you have to be willing to give it the time it needs to grow into something more.

I know you said you lay out what you want and what you are looking for, but is that a two way conversation or is it just you saying it and then it being over? Not everyone is going to understand what your sexuality means, so you have to find a way to convey it to them in simple, no nonsense terms and make sure they understand because unless you find someone with the same sexuality as you, chances are high that they could have trouble understanding it. Be clear about what you want, but also make sure you know what they want and go from there.

ETA: I forgot to say that it is completely normal. Dating is hard. Dating takes time and can be emotionally draining.

 

[okidoke]

People don’t like to be strung along, whether it’s intentional or not. It’s always better to be up front early so everyone knows where they stand.