It is said that the abused become abusers..

[Naleena]

It is said that the abused become abusers. Do you think that's true? Would you date someone who grew p in an abusive household? Would you be afraid that they may be abusive?

 

[EveWasFramed]

*shrug*
I base my opinions on how the person acts - not how they were raised.

 

[ghbarnaby2]

(hmm) I know that statistics and other wonderful such social science tools allow us to see the trend for people to become abusers after being abused is statistically more likely.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I think people can change over time.. because life is so unpredictable and so are people, I wouldn't strictly say the abused would become abusers.

 

[perfanoff]

I think some people learn to abuse when it happens to them while others decide to never abuse anyone. Even if it's statistically more likely, it depends on how I see the person standing in front of me. If she's my age, there's a good chance she's had a while to deal with those issues.

 

[Masque]

I don't think that's necessarily true. They may have picked up unhealthy ways of resolving conflict or communicating, but they're still their own people.

 

[xaero]

I think this is somewhat true, for some people anyway. Personally, I can say that after being betrayed and ignored by 'friends' and 'family' growing up, this is somewhat true for me. While this isn't a direct form of abuse, the actions themselves, in a way, are. I can make new friends. I'm a likable guy. But it doesn't take much to get on my **** list. Perhaps I'm oversensitive or maybe I have a keen sense of knowing if a 'friend' is lousy or just plain bad early on. Once that happens I'm callous and cold toward them, and I eventually stop talking to them altogether. Not sure if that would be considered abuse on my part but I suppose it's how you interpret the topic question...

 

[Felix]

Sometimes they become addicted to being abused too. It all depends of the person.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Sometimes they become addicted to being abused too. It all depends of the person.

Yes. This is sad, really. I think I was there at some point in my life before this. :\

 

[Felix]

Sometimes they become addicted to being abused too. It all depends of the person.

Yes. This is sad, really. I think I was there at some point in my life before this. :\

Sorry to hear this. I think this kind of habits can be hard to break, but it's always possible to change.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Sometimes they become addicted to being abused too. It all depends of the person.

Yes. This is sad, really. I think I was there at some point in my life before this. :\

Sorry to hear this. I think this kind of habits can be hard to break, but it's always possible to change.

Yes, possible indeed - as I have.

 

[jzinsky]

Yeah there are statistics to suggest this, iirc people who suffered sexual abuse as a child were more like to grow into pedophiles too according to one set of statistics I read.

But an awful lot of people forget one thing, you have a choice. You can choose to do the right thing and not be abusive, or you can choose to blame everyone for your actions and shout "don't judge me"

 

[Lone Apothecary]

In some cases, sure, those who are abused can become abusers, but I'm certain that not all those who are abused end up being abusers. I like to think I'm a decent judge of character, and by getting to know the person a bit, I'd be able to dispel any fears of them being abusive simply because they themselves were abused.

Now, as for your questions. I think it's sometimes true. Yes, I'd date someone who grew up in an abusive household. I may be slightly afraid that they may have abusive tendencies, but any of my hypothetical fears of them being abusive would be confirmed or denied well before I became deeply involved with them.

 

[Rosebolt]

It's stupid to blame ones behavior on how they were raised. If they cannot deal with the situation, they are weak, and one might question if they should be dated for that reason.

 

[Bones]

I would say the abused has a higher chance of becoming abusers, ending up abusive relationship, and abusing alcohol and drugs past the point of recreational usage. Personally, I overcame everything except falling into the trap of being in extremely bad relationships - it is like you want to redeem at least one person or something or a person equates love with being abused (?).

 

[SophiaGrace]

It makes you more likely to become an abuser but it's not a death sentence.

 

[ardour]

So because my father was a paedophile I am “more likely” to be so. Perhaps men like me should be prohibited from becoming parents or from professions such as teaching, just as a precaution.
Meant sarcastically although even here, some people would probably support that.
Stigma is another incentive for those who experienced abuse to keep quiet lest they be judged as a danger or less worthy as a potential mate.
If my background were somehow known to those around me I would probably lose some of what friends I have and a large proportion of women would hate and avoid me altogether.

I think for the victim to grow up thinking abuse is acceptable the entire family would have to be involved or the abuser their sole caregiver, in other words have few or no positive influences.