I've always been the odd one out.

[Zardozi]

Hello. I'm going to keep my introduction short and concise. I've joined this forum in hopes of reaching out to other like-minded people who share the same pain as me.

I have been socially isolated for most of my life. I'm 24, and have little to show for it - I have practically no friends, I work in a job where I am almost totally alone for 9+ hours a day, and I hardly relate to anyone at all. Many of my interests and hobbies could be considered esoteric. I'm introverted and always have been, and while I sometimes enjoy my time alone, I often wish I could relate to more people and have more meaningful connections with others, giving me a sense of belonging.

I've struggled my entire life with crippling social anxiety, being bullied and ostracised by others, feeling like the black sheep in my family (or any group for that matter), missing out on life in general, and losing things that meant a lot to me. The hopelessness that weighs me down each day is unbearable. Even if things got better for me somehow, I will be forever scarred by the years of mental agony I have had to endure.

I don't know what to do. I'm a spectator in life, I watch everyone around me having a good time, having no difficulty socialising with others, and living life to the fullest. Meanwhile I am in tears nearly every day wishing this wasn't my life.

I'm sorry if this is a really depressing post. I just need to get this off my chest. I want to find my happiness, I just don't know how...

 

[user 188522]

Welcome to the forum; you are in the right place; many of us feel the same way. What are your hobbies?

 

[user 188685]

I'm so sorry to hear this,a lot of people are the same way and know how you feel on this forum site,I want to welcome you here,and I hope you find some comfort here and like minded people as well here.

 

[ringwood]

Welcome to the forum! I think many of us can relate to how you're currently feeling. Esoteric hobbies - sounds interesting! What kind of things do you like doing?

 

[Finished]

Welcome to the site!

 

[Forgottendanfan]

I can relate to just about everything you wrote. Welcome to the forum.

 

[Zardozi]

Thank you for the warm welcome, everyone. I have been feeling a little better today, and that's in part to reading some of these posts. I appreciate it. I think I will hang around here.

One thing I have gradually learned throughout my time on this Earth is that life is unfair - never was, never will be. Some people have all the good luck, while others are left behind. I think the best thing we can do is support each other and try our best to cope with the miserable reality we are in.

Regarding my hobbies, I enjoy listening to lots of music, ranging from best-sellers to some of the most obscure and unknown works out there. I like a whole variety of genres, but I mostly enjoy electronic music and some rock and roll. I have a knack for experimental and ambient music, too, and I collect some of these. I have close to 500 items (CDs, Vinyls, and Cassettes) in my collection.

I also enjoy playing an electronic synth (a Roland AIRA System-1 Plug-Out). I study asteroids/other objects in outer space and have documented thousands of them in my spare time. I'm a bit obsessed about Antarctica and it has been my dream since I was a child to visit there one day. I find crystals and other natural formations fascinating. I've thought about getting into curling - the sport you play on an ice rink, but it's hard to find time and motivation for it. I occasionally play video games or watch cartoons if I have the time, which is not often.

 

[user 135067]

What we see from the sidelines often leads us to think someone has it together. They have all the luck. But we can't see what they're dealing with. We don't know how fragile their facade is. Does it make sense to compare ourselves to others in order to gauge our accomplishment when we really don't know theirs?

You are you. Your past made you who you are. All that you lack is that place where you fit. Take your strengths and build on them. Those things you don't like about yourself are up to you to change... or accept. We tend to condemn ourselves for things that don't matter to others.

If you are unhappy with your life make a change. Just a little one. Just something that might feel a little better. maybe something to take you from your woes for a few minutes.

I don't think you hobbies and interests are all that esoteric. I have an interest in Antarctica, astronomy, and quantum physics. I don't have the need to share my interests with others. It's my thing. I enjoy the search to know more.

Your description of your life isn't much apart from my own, as others have said here, also. I understand the disappointments and the uncertainties. So long as you assume a fantasy about others you will never measure up. There is no path to happiness as long as you let others make you feel miserable. It might be best to decide where you want to go and head that way. Companionship favors those that strive forward.

 

[Zardozi]

What we see from the sidelines often leads us to think someone has it together. They have all the luck. But we can't see what they're dealing with. We don't know how fragile their facade is. Does it make sense to compare ourselves to others in order to gauge our accomplishment when we really don't know theirs?

You are you. Your past made you who you are. All that you lack is that place where you fit. Take your strengths and build on them. Those things you don't like about yourself are up to you to change... or accept. We tend to condemn ourselves for things that don't matter to others.

If you are unhappy with your life make a change. Just a little one. Just something that might feel a little better. maybe something to take you from your woes for a few minutes.

I don't think you hobbies and interests are all that esoteric. I have an interest in Antarctica, astronomy, and quantum physics. I don't have the need to share my interests with others. It's my thing. I enjoy the search to know more.

Your description of your life isn't much apart from my own, as others have said here, also. I understand the disappointments and the uncertainties. So long as you assume a fantasy about others you will never measure up. There is no path to happiness as long as you let others make you feel miserable. It might be best to decide where you want to go and head that way. Companionship favors those that strive forward.

Very sound advice. Thank you so much for writing this. It's true that I very often compare myself to others, and make assumptions about them - that because they are hanging out with friends they must have a good life, and that makes me feel terrible about myself. That is a vicious cycle I need to break free of.

I want to change. I think I'm just now starting to realise that my mindset, and the way I am living my life right now, is why I'm so lonely. If I can make a change, even just a small one, I think it will go a long way. Right now I want to start with changing my diet - I have a terrible diet, and I want to start making more homemade healthy meals (maybe I could share some of them here? I'm sure there's a thread for that.) I also want to stop procrastinating, and just do the things I have wanted to do for a long time - like cleaning my car, reading a book, or teaching myself a new skill. I want to join a social group, too. I'm thinking of doing that soon as well, I'm just not too sure which social group I should join - somewhere local to me where I can meetup with people who share the same interests.

These are things I would like to work on. I'm going to better myself. It will take time, but I'm going to try my best.

 

[ringwood]

Regarding my hobbies, I enjoy listening to lots of music, ranging from best-sellers to some of the most obscure and unknown works out there. I like a whole variety of genres, but I mostly enjoy electronic music and some rock and roll. I have a knack for experimental and ambient music, too, and I collect some of these. I have close to 500 items (CDs, Vinyls, and Cassettes) in my collection.

I also enjoy playing an electronic synth (a Roland AIRA System-1 Plug-Out). I study asteroids/other objects in outer space and have documented thousands of them in my spare time. I'm a bit obsessed about Antarctica and it has been my dream since I was a child to visit there one day. I find crystals and other natural formations fascinating. I've thought about getting into curling - the sport you play on an ice rink, but it's hard to find time and motivation for it. I occasionally play video games or watch cartoons if I have the time, which is not often.

Wow! I think you have some very interesting, cool hobbies. I love electronic music myself, especially while writing. I find it helps immensely to get me into the 'zone' and mindset of writing. What are some of your favourite bands? I don't play any instruments myself, but have always admired people who can create music - I think it's a special talent.

And as a person who loves cold weather, I've always thought Antarctica would be a wonderful and unique place to explore. Most people dream of going to places like Hawaii or Mexico - not me. Antarctica is one of the locales on my bucket list.

 

[Zardozi]

Wow! I think you have some very interesting, cool hobbies. I love electronic music myself, especially while writing. I find it helps immensely to get me into the 'zone' and mindset of writing. What are some of your favourite bands? I don't play any instruments myself, but have always admired people who can create music - I think it's a special talent.

And as a person who loves cold weather, I've always thought Antarctica would be a wonderful and unique place to explore. Most people dream of going to places like Hawaii or Mexico - not me. Antarctica is one of the locales on my bucket list.

Thanks! That's really good to hear, and I can relate to that - my music correlates with my mood so much. I like all sorts of music but there are a select few artists I really love; Daft Punk, The Chemical Brothers, Boards of Canada, Aphex Twin, Autechre, Burial, just to name a few electronic artists. And then some other pop/rock stuff like Morcheeba, Avril Lavigne, Tori Amos, The Dandy Warhols, 12 Stones, Fantastic Plastic Machine, and Guadalcanal Diary. I'll happily share some of my favourite songs in some music threads here sometime.

I've been wanting to make my own ambient music, but I have a hard time finding the motivation to sit down with my synth and 'sculpt' the sounds I want to make. I'm sure I will get around to it eventually.

I've always been a fan of cooler weather and I'm most keen to visit parts of the world where it's colder, like Canada, the UK, northern Europe, Svalbard, Japan, New Zealand, and of course Antarctica. In Australia our winters are not too cold and don't last for long. Our summers are unbearable. It's not uncommon to experience 40°C heat here in January.

 

[ringwood]

Thanks! That's really good to hear, and I can relate to that - my music correlates with my mood so much. I like all sorts of music but there are a select few artists I really love; Daft Punk, The Chemical Brothers, Boards of Canada, Aphex Twin, Autechre, Burial, just to name a few electronic artists. And then some other pop/rock stuff like Morcheeba, Avril Lavigne, Tori Amos, The Dandy Warhols, 12 Stones, Fantastic Plastic Machine, and Guadalcanal Diary. I'll happily share some of my favourite songs in some music threads here sometime.

Ditto. I have wide-ranging tastes when it comes to music, but some of my favourites when it comes to electronica: Underworld, The Crystal Method, The Orb, Tangerine Dream, Future Sound of London. Other artists: Kate Bush, Agnes Obel, Depeche Mode, The Cure. You should check out this thread, it's an active and popular one. I've discovered a few new bands and musicians thanks to it: https://www.alonelylife.com/threads/what-are-you-listening-to.2062/page-980

I've always been a fan of cooler weather and I'm most keen to visit parts of the world where it's colder, like Canada, the UK, northern Europe, Svalbard, Japan, New Zealand, and of course Antarctica. In Australia our winters are not too cold and don't last for long. Our summers are unbearable. It's not uncommon to experience 40°C heat here in January.

Canada isn't as cold as it used to be. Sure, we can get -30 C weather in the wintertime (depending on where you live), but it can get really hot in the summertime too. Here in B.C., we now have a regular forest fire season and even 20 years ago, that was unheard of. Guaranteed it can get up to 40 C+ in the summer months - that's not usually sustained for long periods of time, but it still really, really sucks. New Zealand weather is far more temperate than Australia though - before we immigrated to Canada, my family lived on the South Island near Invercargill and I know my mum found the weather there much more to her liking (at the time, we had moved from Australia).

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Hello. I'm going to keep my introduction short and concise. I've joined this forum in hopes of reaching out to other like-minded people who share the same pain as me.

I have been socially isolated for most of my life. I'm 24, and have little to show for it - I have practically no friends, I work in a job where I am almost totally alone for 9+ hours a day, and I hardly relate to anyone at all. Many of my interests and hobbies could be considered esoteric. I'm introverted and always have been, and while I sometimes enjoy my time alone, I often wish I could relate to more people and have more meaningful connections with others, giving me a sense of belonging.

I've struggled my entire life with crippling social anxiety, being bullied and ostracised by others, feeling like the black sheep in my family (or any group for that matter), missing out on life in general, and losing things that meant a lot to me. The hopelessness that weighs me down each day is unbearable. Even if things got better for me somehow, I will be forever scarred by the years of mental agony I have had to endure.

I don't know what to do. I'm a spectator in life, I watch everyone around me having a good time, having no difficulty socialising with others, and living life to the fullest. Meanwhile I am in tears nearly every day wishing this wasn't my life.

I'm sorry if this is a really depressing post. I just need to get this off my chest. I want to find my happiness, I just don't know how...

Welcome Honestly I can deffo relate to this, never really fitting in, my humour often leaves a lot to be desired and well yes it's hard struggling to socialise. I often come off colder than I want to as well, not sure if you ever experienced that?

Welcome to the forums

 

[Zardozi]

Ditto. I have wide-ranging tastes when it comes to music, but some of my favourites when it comes to electronica: Underworld, The Crystal Method, The Orb, Tangerine Dream, Future Sound of London. Other artists: Kate Bush, Agnes Obel, Depeche Mode, The Cure. You should check out this thread, it's an active and popular one. I've discovered a few new bands and musicians thanks to it: https://www.alonelylife.com/threads/what-are-you-listening-to.2062/page-980

That's awesome you listen to those artists, I've listened to some of those too, they're pretty good. There's some I'm unfamiliar with; Underworld, and Agnes Obel. I'm always looking for new music to listen to so I'll check them out when I can. I looked through my collection and I have two Crystal Method albums - Legion of Boom, and Tweekend. I haven't heard them in a while but I remember really enjoying their songs. My favourite album from them is Vegas, and I swear I had that in my collection, but I haven't been able to find it so maybe not.

Canada isn't as cold as it used to be. Sure, we can get -30 C weather in the wintertime (depending on where you live), but it can get really hot in the summertime too. Here in B.C., we now have a regular forest fire season and even 20 years ago, that was unheard of. Guaranteed it can get up to 40 C+ in the summer months - that's not usually sustained for long periods of time, but it still really, really sucks. New Zealand weather is far more temperate than Australia though - before we immigrated to Canada, my family lived on the South Island near Invercargill and I know my mum found the weather there much more to her liking (at the time, we had moved from Australia).

I remember hearing about the heatwave that affected that part of the world last year. That's terrifying and awful. I worry about the upcoming summers in the future if how much hotter it might get. There are still parts of the world that nice and cold which I love. It's funny, my idea of "wonderful weather" is dark grey clouds, cold air, and drizzle, and we're lucky to experience that a few times in winter here. And while I've never been to New Zealand, one of my relatives was born and raised in Dunedin which is not too far away from Invercargill. From the pictures I've seen, some of the natural sights there are incredible. I'd love to visit and explore all of New Zealand one day.

Welcome Honestly I can deffo relate to this, never really fitting in, my humour often leaves a lot to be desired and well yes it's hard struggling to socialise. I often come off colder than I want to as well, not sure if you ever experienced that?

Welcome to the forums

Thank you for the kind welcome. Yeah.. it's unfortunate. I think there are quite a few people who have those kinds of diffident traits, it makes a lot of things more challenging, especially with trying to fit in. In real life I tend to be very reserved, even around my immediate family members. They are always so extroverted and jolly, it genuinely feels overwhelming at times.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Welcome. A friend of mine turned me on to Boards of Canada, several years ago. Man, they are amazing...

Guess I was reminded of this tune for some reason; but it's not Boards of Canada, heh..


Good luck out there..

 

[TheRealCallie]

Welcome to the forum.

 

[mike354]

I don't know what to do. I'm a spectator in life, I watch everyone around me having a good time, having no difficulty socialising with others, and living life to the fullest. Meanwhile I am in tears nearly every day wishing this wasn't my life.

I think those few sentences explain a lot. They could have easily applied to me. "A spectator in life." Well said.

 

[KimP]

Welcome to the forum music is such a great thing to be into, it’s useful to work through emotions especially. Unfortunately I can’t really get into music despite my efforts. I am trying to learn to play the trombone (not going to well ) and I like listening to organs.