I've been dead on the inside for at least 8 years.

[njlonelydude]

I'm not here to *****&moan like I usually do -- just speak the truth.

I don't know what "killed" me, but I do know there's no resurrection.


Does anyone else know what I'm talking about?

 

[Tex Is Lost]

I know what it"s like to feel that way, felt that way for a long time.
but for some reason I no longer feel that way.
And there is ALWAYS the chance of resurrection.
I'm not saying that I am happy-go-lucky, not a care in the world. But I don't feel dead anymore.
You say you don't know what killed you, and maybe that's true. I hope you take this in the spirit that it's meant, but you can choose to stay dead, or you can fight against it and live in spite of it.

 

[Luna]

I think I know what you mean.

I feel like I'm in a place too far to be reached.

I want to say "There's Hope!" "Things will get better!" etc.
But I'm sure you've heard it over and over...that maybe, such words have lost their meaning to you after one disappointment after another.
I know that they have for me at least to some extent.

Truth be told - I don't know what to say to you.
Maybe by chance life will take a turn for the best, maybe it won't.
You're already in the world...might as well just make do with what you have. Or try to at least.
You're an intelligent fellow; a cool dude.
Use it to your advantage, keep on staying strong, and never forget to take care of yourself first.

 

[irishcon]

i think i know how you feel. lik a tired worn out carcus being dragged from day to day

 

[edgecrusher]

for me i wouldnt say its that i feel dead inside... its that i feel lost. so lost that i am so far in uncharted waters that it feels like no one will ever find me. also i have no map... and my compass broke years ago. and my boat has a slow leak. and the sails are torn. sorry... im bored, i could make up random stupid honeysuckle like this for a while. lol

 

[A Desolate Soul]

I know what you mean man :/ everyday is the same... i wake up, and i feel dead. and i ask myself the same thing everyday, shouldn't i feel alive? i considered getting professional help, but idk how that would go.

 

[Samuel Lonewolf]

Yeah, I know what you're talking about.

Although I don't think I would wanna remember what "killed" me. Would probably cause me more grief.

i considered getting professional help, but idk how that would go.

I tried that once. Ended up hating myself for it because it made me feel like l had to use a crutch to solve my problems. Might be different for you.

 

[njlonelydude]

What "professional help" is there? To me, this feels more physiological than mental.

 

[eris]

there is resurrection

the human spirit can bounce back

 

[SofiasMami]

Hi-
I've probably said this before, so forgive me if I'm repeating myself but you sound depressed. Depression causes physiological symptoms as well as feelings of sadness and hopelessness. If you're not ready to be evaluated by a professional, at least google "depression symptoms". It might give you some insight into how to get out of what you're feeling. Good luck-

Teresa

 

[SullenGirl]

^I tried to recommend professional help to him, but I don't think he's interested.

Anyway, I've been suffering from depression on and off since the age of 13, and therapy helps me. I understand what you mean by the "dead inside" feeling. Been there done that, bought the t-shirt too.

 

[njlonelydude]

The only thing that makes me feel better is listening to music.

I'm listening to one of my favorite albums right now so I'm in a pretty good mood.

 

[jjam]

I think all of my regrets and detachments from things that were important to me have been "killing" me. I cheated on my first girlfriend, the only girl I was ever really crazy about. I fell out of touch with someone I considered to be one of my best friends ever. We weren't even approaching bad terms. It was a kind of accidental slip into stranger status that comes from not making effort to stay in touch over long distances. I've let hobbies slip away. When was the last time I played the sax? The last time I played piano was my sophomore year in college, which was the first time I'd taken a course to move beyond playing merely by ear. When was the last time I went swimming? senior year or junior year of high school. I learned to swim when I was around 5. Now I have some kind of phobia about jumping into waters other people are in or have been in. Last time I really rode a bike? middle school? I was once creative. Even when I didn't think I had the skills to draw pictures, I'd draw from my imagination. I wrote short stories and poems. I wrote music. I spent real time thinking about game designs. I don't bother with any of this anymore.

Because of my standing with work, I regret the time and money I spent just to retire from college before obtaining the B.S. I am upset that half of my 20s (currently 29) has included needing to be my mother's full financial support with no end in sight. I am sick of being able to claim her a dependent when handling my taxes. She did not need to be this for her mother. She is not disabled. She has a degree and a more impressive looking resume than I believe I'll ever have, though not necessarily from an income standpoint. I feel lucky to be able to do it but this is certainly not a circumstance I want for myself. I couldn't have a conversation over the phone at my place in which I flirt with someone or go into my deeper feelings because she is always here. Company is out of the question. There are times I want privacy and not to be bugged but can't have it in a space I work my butt off to have. I have empathy and sympathy for the sadness she's had to endure for so long due to her intense financial struggles, relationships with people, being a single parent since before I reached second grade, and so on. I love my mother dearly. Nevertheless, I feel like her problems have been supplementary to my own.

Before i can heal, I feel I must somehow deal with all of this. I am always thinking about how I can. I hope to take some dramatic steps soon. The smart part of me says to take it one step at a time. Maybe I can trigger a positive domino effect off some random act. Maybe if when I take some time off from work in Jan or Feb, I should actually leave the state and stay in a hotel where there's a pool... and jump in too!

 

[lomojojo]

I am sooooooooooo sorry to hear how you guys feel dead inside. It must be dreadful to live like this everyday. I hope you feel better and you find your way

 

[Calm]

I'm not here to *****&moan like I usually do -- just speak the truth.

I don't know what "killed" me, but I do know there's no resurrection.


Does anyone else know what I'm talking about?

How can you be sure you are dead in the inside?


jjam

I know how this feels. And trust me if you continue this way, things may get worse. One of my close friends lives like this, he is 27, and he lives with both mother and grandmother, due to current financical times, they are quite poor too..
My mother lives with her mother, they argue almost every day. I've seen quite hellish times with her and she is depressed, constantly bored and coming to me with her problems. At least your mother don't tell you she wants to die. But then again, they are women, and childhood history is not so good either.

Sick, hellish world.

But your smart side may be right. Take very small steps at first. Go for a hike in the park (I know even this could take up days to get up, plan and go...), or start even from smaller things and move up step by step. Maybe make a list, but don't be too keen on it. When you feel more comfortable with taking new steps, things may come more naturally.

 

[delawareadams]

I think you are in this forum for the same reason I am; to get some kind of help. The simple action of doing this means you aren't dead on the inside, really. That means there is resurrection. It may sound corny but it really isn't, stop saying "there is no resurrection". It's the same as saying there is no hope of things changing and that is pattently not true at all. You may feel awful, depressed, alone, and it may be just terrible. But, to make yourself believe that there is no hope of it ever getting better makes the pain many, many times worse. And the truly terrible thing about it is that it's just not true. It amazes me how easily we sweep hope out of your lives and in so doing lie to ourselves. So needless and hurtful to ourselves. I hope this helps somehow. Please, contact me if you want to talk.

 

[kneecee]

I'm not here to *****&moan like I usually do -- just speak the truth.

I don't know what "killed" me, but I do know there's no resurrection.


Does anyone else know what I'm talking about?

i do i feel the same death from within i dont know why i just know i do

 

[marigold]

I know exactly what you're talking about..

 

[oliphila07]

I also feel sometimes as if I was dead inside and as if nothing could change that. I read a book ( Into the wild, a really amazing book), which is not strictly speaking the kind of book a person reads when she or he wants to feel apparent serenity. However I obtained some answers for the first time of my life about life and how I could feel more alive. At one moment, The guy of the book talks about putting all your heart in everything you do ( that can be the music you listen to, the job you, the books you read...) and being more attentive and conscious. I have been following these advice and I am trying to struggle with emptiness and discouragement by making plans and by trying to follow my own pathway. This isn't easy, but I really think that if you believe in what you do, you will have a better life. Maybe life seems empty when we try to fit in a model of life too much or when we forget that even if this hectic life, a hope or a project can be more helpful than pills.