Too keep a long story short - I am a black gay man. After my last relationship failed I decided I was meant to be alone. I hired a man, a straight white man, around my age about a year ago as a supervisor for my company, a thrift store business. Last summer, after a year of working together, we grew fond of each other.
We went from being casual friends where he sometimes even ignored my phone calls, to hanging out every day, having intimate and sexual moments, sleeping and cuddling together. We shared our hopes and dreams, we ate every meal together, skipped work together, did every thing we ever wanted to do but never did with each other. We started to finish each others sentences and anticipate each others thoughts. That's how close we were and still are. We were and still are a perfect match when it comes to living together, getting along, and chemistry. We have amazing chemistry. BUT!!!!!!!! - He still holds he is straight and for the most part we only have sex when he drinks or gets high, an often occurance. But we cuddle together when he is sober and he tells me that I can hold and cuddle him whenever I want. He also sometimes jokes about our sex life in some ways when we are having every day conversation. But I am so afraid of destroying the friendship that I never really make a move and I never cuddle on him at night. Every blue moon I will hold him and one night I cuddled next to him watching a movie. It was so weird because he swears he is straight, but we have sex and live together and sleep together 24/7, and sometimes I swear we are so connected he can hear my thoughts. I was his first guy kiss and he told me he was floored that he was so into and attracted to another man like this.
We recently decided to start a business together and we are 2 days away from opening our first store front. But the process has taken a toll on me. I have fitted 90% off the finances for starting our business and I am broke and facing repossession of my car. To make matters worse, my partner left his company computer open and everyone at our past job discovered we were starting our own business behind our bosses back. We both got fired and all of my friends and business contacts boycotted me.
I have never felt so alone and to make matters worse, what fun and intimacy I had with my partner is dying out. I catch him masturbating more than making moves on me. He said he reached a point in his life where he no longer needs a girlfriend, but he still makes comments about hot girls and keeps straight **** around. He doesn't play "elephant boner" with me anymore haha and I haven't heard him call me hot or beautiful in a while.
We have also started to have small arguments over silly things, usually in the morning!!! This morning we got in a spat over him putting my towels on the floor.
I love him so much, but I bury those feelings because I am so confused. I feel helpless to write him off because I don't know how to take my feelings for him. If he ever moved out or got a girlfriend I know I would fall apart, so I'm doing everything to kill my feelings for him. But I'm too scared to tell him how I feel.
I lay next to him most nights lately and silently cry myself to sleep.
Sincerely, DreamerNC
We went from being casual friends where he sometimes even ignored my phone calls, to hanging out every day, having intimate and sexual moments, sleeping and cuddling together. We shared our hopes and dreams, we ate every meal together, skipped work together, did every thing we ever wanted to do but never did with each other. We started to finish each others sentences and anticipate each others thoughts. That's how close we were and still are. We were and still are a perfect match when it comes to living together, getting along, and chemistry. We have amazing chemistry. BUT!!!!!!!! - He still holds he is straight and for the most part we only have sex when he drinks or gets high, an often occurance. But we cuddle together when he is sober and he tells me that I can hold and cuddle him whenever I want. He also sometimes jokes about our sex life in some ways when we are having every day conversation. But I am so afraid of destroying the friendship that I never really make a move and I never cuddle on him at night. Every blue moon I will hold him and one night I cuddled next to him watching a movie. It was so weird because he swears he is straight, but we have sex and live together and sleep together 24/7, and sometimes I swear we are so connected he can hear my thoughts. I was his first guy kiss and he told me he was floored that he was so into and attracted to another man like this.
We recently decided to start a business together and we are 2 days away from opening our first store front. But the process has taken a toll on me. I have fitted 90% off the finances for starting our business and I am broke and facing repossession of my car. To make matters worse, my partner left his company computer open and everyone at our past job discovered we were starting our own business behind our bosses back. We both got fired and all of my friends and business contacts boycotted me.
I have never felt so alone and to make matters worse, what fun and intimacy I had with my partner is dying out. I catch him masturbating more than making moves on me. He said he reached a point in his life where he no longer needs a girlfriend, but he still makes comments about hot girls and keeps straight **** around. He doesn't play "elephant boner" with me anymore haha and I haven't heard him call me hot or beautiful in a while.
We have also started to have small arguments over silly things, usually in the morning!!! This morning we got in a spat over him putting my towels on the floor.
I love him so much, but I bury those feelings because I am so confused. I feel helpless to write him off because I don't know how to take my feelings for him. If he ever moved out or got a girlfriend I know I would fall apart, so I'm doing everything to kill my feelings for him. But I'm too scared to tell him how I feel.
I lay next to him most nights lately and silently cry myself to sleep.
Sincerely, DreamerNC
it's not right that someone like you should spend his time chasing someone that can't see what's in front of them. 
![Thomas]](https://cdn.imagearchive.com/alonelylife/data/avatars/s/14/14186.jpg?1631136400){kind=avatar}
