R
Rosebolt
Guest
This just happened, i feel i need to write it on here for some suggestions on how to deal with this, as i can take things like this particularly hard. On the other hand i feel like i need to shut up to stop bothering everyone on here and that must deal with this myself. Which makes alot of sense right now.
Insecurities aside, i'll once again give some background. I met her more then 2 years ago and we've been very close since. She's the only one that "knows" me, i'm sure you know what i mean. I've been in love with her when i met her, told her so, got turned down, but we continued to stay friends after a gap of 2 months. Since then i had difficulity keeping the love away, you can't force anything like that, i learned. She knew about that though, so that made it easier. A year ago she told me she liked me too, and we tried being in a relationship. That ended 2 months after, and we continued being friends. It was because of that that i was frustratingly asking myself what that feeling for her was. Believe it or not we both decided to end the relationship, as it just didn't work. But i still had this feeling.
4 months ago i was cycling on my own, as i tend to do more and more lately, and i was thinking. I came to the conclusion that her and i were more like soulmates then anything else. For 2 full years we talked to each other day in day out about problems we had, we always had something, our bond is so immensely thick because of it, i guess that developed that feeling as well, i don't know.
Anyway, i'm materialisticly speaking a spoiled kid, and also can get quite jealous. About 5 months ago or so she met a guy at her school who tried to befriend her, which she mostly turned down, saying that "i'm afraid he's only nice when he thinks he has a chance (romanticly)." Last week she spended alot of time with him and his family, still saying that she wants it to only be friends. She just told me they kissed yesterday. I'm happy for her, but i get this automated reaction of fear of losing her. Last week she wasn't there much, which was good for her as she's not the happiest person either.
I think i'm spinning around the problem because i'm ashamed of it. I'm just afraid to lose her, and to someone who doesn't know the real her yet and is only nice to impress. While i'm writing this i don't feel a heavy blow anymore as i would've a year ago. Since a week or so i decided to let go of every friendship slowly, still having friends but being more distant. I guess this is just a test of my willpower to do so.
Damn this text is long, i'm sorry for wasting your time. I guess i can really use the different insights you people have to offer. Thank you in advance.
Insecurities aside, i'll once again give some background. I met her more then 2 years ago and we've been very close since. She's the only one that "knows" me, i'm sure you know what i mean. I've been in love with her when i met her, told her so, got turned down, but we continued to stay friends after a gap of 2 months. Since then i had difficulity keeping the love away, you can't force anything like that, i learned. She knew about that though, so that made it easier. A year ago she told me she liked me too, and we tried being in a relationship. That ended 2 months after, and we continued being friends. It was because of that that i was frustratingly asking myself what that feeling for her was. Believe it or not we both decided to end the relationship, as it just didn't work. But i still had this feeling.
4 months ago i was cycling on my own, as i tend to do more and more lately, and i was thinking. I came to the conclusion that her and i were more like soulmates then anything else. For 2 full years we talked to each other day in day out about problems we had, we always had something, our bond is so immensely thick because of it, i guess that developed that feeling as well, i don't know.
Anyway, i'm materialisticly speaking a spoiled kid, and also can get quite jealous. About 5 months ago or so she met a guy at her school who tried to befriend her, which she mostly turned down, saying that "i'm afraid he's only nice when he thinks he has a chance (romanticly)." Last week she spended alot of time with him and his family, still saying that she wants it to only be friends. She just told me they kissed yesterday. I'm happy for her, but i get this automated reaction of fear of losing her. Last week she wasn't there much, which was good for her as she's not the happiest person either.
I think i'm spinning around the problem because i'm ashamed of it. I'm just afraid to lose her, and to someone who doesn't know the real her yet and is only nice to impress. While i'm writing this i don't feel a heavy blow anymore as i would've a year ago. Since a week or so i decided to let go of every friendship slowly, still having friends but being more distant. I guess this is just a test of my willpower to do so.
Damn this text is long, i'm sorry for wasting your time. I guess i can really use the different insights you people have to offer. Thank you in advance.
