Just another lost soul with nothing more to loose.

[Lazarus]

Dont even know why im writing, or what im expecting to happen. Nothing short of a miracle I guess.

Just turned 23, and realized that I have nothing anymore. Sounds extreme doesnt it, but its so true. Been on a hellride being in and out of hospitals because of a rare bloodcondition for years now. Everyone has disappeared. I live in the northern part of Scandinavia where not only the weather is cold, but people too. Norway to be exact.

I just thought it was alittle bit scary, when I smiled for the first time in a very long time, when I daydreamed about passing away. Only to figure out that nobody would miss me then either.

Sadness is biting my bones now, no way I can keep it at bay or handle it anymore. Im all out of gas. I could have filled the harddrive wich this forum hosted on with a single textdocument describing the horrors of my life. I dont need to bring anymore people down or go on, on a neverending rant about how ****** my life is, you`ve all heard it, you have all felt it. So im going to keep a lid on that. Plus, my fingers hurt from scraping the four walls of my apartment.

I dont have anything more to say, I only know that im fading, fast.

Just another lost soul, screaming into the void.

 

[Blue Sky]

Hi Lazarus, and welcome to the forum, maybe it might do you some good to take the lid off and let it all out, there are members here on the forum who are/ have been in similar situations to you and maybe can offer you some support and advice.

 

[Lazarus]

Hi Lazarus, and welcome to the forum, maybe it might do you some good to take the lid off and let it all out, there are members here on the forum who are/ have been in similar situations to you and maybe can offer you some support and advice.

After awhile, one grows tired of spilling ones guts. And, im beyond comforting words and advice. This is, a last resort of sorts,

It wouldnt help either, telling "my story" and the receiving advice and sympathy. Maybe im too demanding, but I only know that advice and sympathy gets me nowhere. Im in dire need of direct intervention. But this is a very stoic and cold country. There is no place for me here, not in the system nor among people. Thats why im desperately writing some strange forum across the globe. Thats how sad my situation is.

Im not being pessimistic, but realistic about things. And to be quite honest. I dont know if I can hang on for more weeks, or maybe even days.

I really dont know anymore.

 

[Arianna]

Dont even know why im writing, or what im expecting to happen. Nothing short of a miracle I guess.

Just turned 23, and realized that I have nothing anymore. Sounds extreme doesnt it, but its so true. Been on a hellride being in and out of hospitals because of a rare bloodcondition for years now. Everyone has disappeared. I live in the northern part of Scandinavia where not only the weather is cold, but people too. Norway to be exact.

I just thought it was alittle bit scary, when I smiled for the first time in a very long time, when I daydreamed about passing away. Only to figure out that nobody would miss me then either.

Sadness is biting my bones now, no way I can keep it at bay or handle it anymore. Im all out of gas. I could have filled the harddrive wich this forum hosted on with a single textdocument describing the horrors of my life. I dont need to bring anymore people down or go on, on a neverending rant about how ****** my life is, you`ve all heard it, you have all felt it. So im going to keep a lid on that. Plus, my fingers hurt from scraping the four walls of my apartment.

I dont have anything more to say, I only know that im fading, fast.

Just another lost soul, screaming into the void.

Hey Lazarus..what is it you want from life?

 

[NewBirth]

hi lazarus. welcome 2 da lifeboat. probably b better 4u if u put ur name on the lifeboats register though... aka registering an account
hope u find what ur looking4

 

[Guest]

Some people don't want anything out of life. Even I was a millionaire I would not be happy because its ME that's the problem. I look back on my life and realize what a waste it was and why would I put myself through that torture again. No one cared when it was my birthday, or what kind of music I like to listen to. I got abused as a child and have so many issues that I'll never be able to self-actualize. I've been so utterly traumatized by the past absolutely nothing would make me want to live. Only if I had the chance to be placed into someone else's body, then maybe I'd give it a shot. This might be what Lazarus is going through.

 

[Arianna]

Some people don't want anything out of life. Even I was a millionaire I would not be happy because its ME that's the problem. I look back on my life and realize what a waste it was and why would I put myself through that torture again. No one cared when it was my birthday, or what kind of music I like to listen to. I got abused as a child and have so many issues that I'll never be able to self-actualize. I've been so utterly traumatized by the past absolutely nothing would make me want to live. Only if I had the chance to be placed into someone else's body, then maybe I'd give it a shot. This might be what Lazarus is going through.

Guest..you're the perfect person to help Lazarus out. Because you can empathize with him/her. And perhaps that's what he/she needs? Someone
who can really understand these feelings. I believe everyone on earth has a purpose. The problem sometimes is..finding out what that purpose is. I just hope Lazarus (and you) haven't given up.

 

[Guest]

Arianna, I'd love to help out. However I'm not sure that I can. At this state, you feel that you're already dead and there's no one and nothing that can help you. I do empathize completely, and it's soothing to know that at least there's someone at there who's going through the same thing. I used to be mad at the world...I'd wonder why this person had this and that even though they were nothing special...but I'm past that point. Everything has just become one big joke, including my existence. Lazarus, I don't know what advice to give you other than consider moving away or taking a long vacation in a place like Hawaii. That's definitely not going to solve your long-term problems. But if you have the time it might be worth it just to look at life from a different perspective. Expect to bring all your issues with you though.

Every human being needs some sort of appreciation. When you don't have any appreciation at all, then your world starts to fade really fast. Try donating money to charity or volunteering. But when you do it don't do it because you're trying to get attention or friends. Do it because you really want to help someone. If you do it sincerely, that person will remember you and it could make a big different in his/her life.

 

[Arianna]

Arianna, I'd love to help out.


Those were kind words Guest.
Perhaps in some way you already have.