Knowing the second half of the story?

[Sci-Fi]

There's a saying that there are two sides to every story. Is it important to know both sides?

Here's the situation. I've talked about this before in another thread but I had a friend who used me as her emotional support and dumping ground for over a year. She left her husband and all I ever heard was her side of things. I know what she's like, I've known her since high school so I can hypothesize why he did what he did. (here comes the but) BUT I've always wanted to hear his side of what happened between them. I don't know him, I have no real reason to ever talk to him except to know his side of things. I'm like that, I have this need to know the whole story especially when I know things are being kept from me.

Is it healthy for me to do that?

There's also another version of the saying I mentioned above that goes, There are 3 sides to every story, there's one persons side, the other persons side, and then there's the truth.

 

[Mary Mary]

I think it's natural that you feel invested to know the whole story because she dumped so much negative emotional energy on you; however, it would be unhealthy for you to pursue that impulse.

 

[Mr. Sir]

Stop talking to her.

 

[Nina]

Sci-Fi....My best friend from HS has been through 3 marriages and I was good buddies with 2 of them. I heard stories back and forth till my ears nearly bled. I avoid situations like this now, with absolute dedication.... You'd hear both sides and still wouldn't know the actuality of what went on... It's too subjective. They each tell it from their own perspectives and you'd come up with opinions differing from both of them. She's your buddy and you supported her....stay loyal to her and don't even worry about the other side. He's not in your world or group of friends. Curiosity is fine....but it can bite you if you're not careful.

 

[Sci-Fi]

She's no longer my friend Nina, she's done something that has me wanting nothing to do with her. I just wanted to know her ex's side of things, she's shown to me that I can't believe a thing she's said and I wonder how much she told me was true.

 

[Nina]

Aww, Sci-Fi, I'm sorry to hear that. If she's turned out that way, then you can probably use your own imagination to fill in the missing parts. I hate to hear about someone using someone else and then they turn into total stinkers....Why can't people just play nice in the sandbox of life?

 

[Brian]

I think one of the biggest things that has helped me become good at communicating and do well in my work is keeping reactions neutral and knowing both sides of things.

You'll notice a lot of people in a workplace will gossip about others. Choosing to -not- gossip, and withholding personal judgment until you have first-hand knowledge, actually does a lot for you. It earns you respect, it earns you TRUST (people will tell you SO many juicy things when they KNOW the secret is safe), and it actually improves your relations, I've found.

A good example is tonight. I'm still learning my new partner. I noticed, during patient contact, that he tends to repeat the questions I've already asked a patient. For a little bit I started thinking that maybe he was doubting my assessment and trying to take it over. But I mentioned that I noticed we were doubling our questions and asked why. Apparently, he actually has bad hearing, and often doesn't hear if they've been asked, but he will also re-ask certain questions to see if the answers change.

We have one or two other people here who I can say with near-certainty would assume the former scenario, and would subsequently clash with the guy needlessly. They do this sort of thing ALL the time and it's really hurt them; they lack the basic fundamentals of conflict resolution. I have -never- had any problem with a mature adult that has not been resolved with talking and time.

Another good example worked in the opposite direction. We have a supervisor here who I consider to be the model of conflict resolution abilities and solid understanding. One time I took an ambulance on a transfer to another hospital and when we got back, I forgot to put sheets on the stretcher. I was in a hurry to get up to class which I was late for, and forgot to check after our break if it still needed doing (normally, it's the driver's job to make the cot, and I wasn't driving). Someone else used the ambulance and I got scolded by that crew; shortly thereafter I was called in to the Captain's office.

****.

Except instead of scolding me or being upset, this particular Captain just calmly told me to sit down, smiled, and said "This is really unlike you. You're always so on top of things...is something wrong?" I was just astonished. But he heard my side of the story without any lame excuses (I took responsibility for not double-checking if my partner had done it), and simply said "well I'm not going to scold you. You're probably scolding yourself worse than I would. Go back to class and just make sure to double check next time."

The guy is like this with basically every problem and he always has an insightful solution with good outcomes. I felt bad for a day or two, but I double check -everything- now.

You're on the right track. Go with it.

 

[tangerinedream]

There's also another version of the saying I mentioned above that goes, There are 3 sides to every story, there's one persons side, the other persons side, and then there's the truth.

I definitely agree with this.

If you were still friends with her, I'd suggest against it, just because it IS so subjective and because people are so vested in their particular version of the story. They often can't see why the two stories don't mesh perfectly. There are facts, sure, but then there is people's subjective interpretation of events. Then there is just flat-out revisionist history.

I guess what I mean is that it could get nasty. You may end up convinced that she lied to you, suckering you for sympathy. It might make you angry, words would fly...

Just a lot of grief that in the end accomplishes nothing.

If you are like me, however, and have an almost pathological NEED TO KNOW, then haha, you'll do it anyway and damn the consequences.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Thanks everyone. I don't think he's quite the bad guy she made her ex out to be, he has no reason to lie to me where as she did to keep me on her side. Not saying he won't fabricate things to make her look bad, but by now I hope he has let any ill will to her go.

---

@Brian, I used to work with a guy who was slightly hard of hearing. He'd sometimes repeat things to customers I might have said, or I'd have to ask him something twice. He called it selective hearing, lol. Sounds like you have a pretty good Captain, you don't find too many like that, some bosses just like to scold you and not hear your side of things.