Loneliness is a hole in my life I'm close to falling into.

[insanelyloneley]

I have things to do, future plans to work on and ambitions I want to fulfill. But none of that matters because of how alone I've felt ever since I was about 12-years-old (I'm 26 now).

Today I spent the whole day working on something that should only take an hour, but it took me the entire day because of my loneliness. Why is that you might ask...because being yourself for so long is a horrible feeling. I took breaks every now and then because the feeling drives me insane. I needed a break, I needed someone else there with me, but there isn't anyone.

I still live at home and it sucks. I have friends, but I'm not sure how much I like them. I have good ideas that will improve my life, but I don't care about them as long as I'm alone. People who are lonely don't really want more friends or a bigger family, what they want is (oh god this will be corny and cliche) is a soulmate (I never use that word in real life but I don't know what else to use).

There's no such thing as someone motivating himself/herself completely alone,there's always someone pushing that person. Athletes have coaches, thinkers have assistants, artists have supporters...I've got no one. Doing everything by yourself, especially when you're working on a risky make/break idea like I'm trying, is damn-near-impossible when you're alone.


I'm not sure why I'm chosen with this fate, but this is the way things are. I think I will fall all the way down the hole because who is going to help me back up.

 

[Veruca]

Dear InsanelyLonely,

I was sorry to read all that, indeed going through life without support, especially during those crucial moments can be extremely difficult.

The one good thing is, you've come to the right place. There are many of us in the same boat (or similar) so I hope you find someone here to be a good, supportive friend.

I made a good friend on this forum when I was a member here about two or three years ago and now that I am back a second time, I am finding more support on this forum that I do in my day to day life. At the very least, it feels good to be heard.

Wishing you the very best.

 

[I'm Fine]

Hi. You sound really unhappy with your life. You say that it started when you were about 12, do you know what started it? Was it a single event or is it that that's when you can identify feeling lonely for the first time?

I'm also curious about these grand plans you seem to have - this risky make or break idea? Can you talk about that??

 

[Kathy]

InsanelyLonely,

I ask friends to come over and just talk with me while I'm planting plants - because it's so much better to have someone around. But that doesn't happen.

Most the time I empty the dishwasher while I'm on the phone, if I have someone to talk to on the phone. But usually I don't, so my dishwasher doesn't get emptied when it should.

My counselor said to me the other day that once I feel/think/decide I'm worth it (being happy, etc.), then my life will get better. I let her know I wanted to slap her for that. We'll be working on that master plan/idea next week. I've got to see how this plays out. Since I also believe that unless I have someone to share that with (yes I'm married, but my husband isn't really in the know of how lonely and depressed I am), what's the point.

 

[insanelyloneley]

Hi. You sound really unhappy with your life. You say that it started when you were about 12, do you know what started it? Was it a single event or is it that that's when you can identify feeling lonely for the first time?

I'm also curious about these grand plans you seem to have - this risky make or break idea? Can you talk about that??

I'm not sure what triggered it. All I know is that I "died on the inside" as I like to put it at that age.

I don't want to talk about my grand plans, because if they come to fruition I could become famous and I do not want to be publicly associated with this forum. All I'll say is I'm close to quitting my job and spending lots of time/money so I can work on them, and if they fail I will have nothing left and nowhere to go.

InsanelyLonely,

I ask friends to come over and just talk with me while I'm planting plants - because it's so much better to have someone around. But that doesn't happen.

Most the time I empty the dishwasher while I'm on the phone, if I have someone to talk to on the phone. But usually I don't, so my dishwasher doesn't get emptied when it should.

My counselor said to me the other day that once I feel/think/decide I'm worth it (being happy, etc.), then my life will get better. I let her know I wanted to slap her for that. We'll be working on that master plan/idea next week. I've got to see how this plays out. Since I also believe that unless I have someone to share that with (yes I'm married, but my husband isn't really in the know of how lonely and depressed I am), what's the point.

The reason why I don't hang out with my friends is because they don't really add anything to what I'm trying to accomplish. The project I'm working on will be much easier if I involve them, but I know they're not willing to even do it so why bother?

You wanting to slap your counselor is why I don't seek professional help for this. Those fuckers don't know what's going on and usually look for answers out of a textbook. I'm not sure what's going on either, so I can't blame them.

I'm not going to ask about the details of your marriage, but if you love your husband you should tell him what's up with you. It might be hard to do so, but if both of you have something real you'll feel much better for letting him know.

 

[I'm Fine]

Hi. You sound really unhappy with your life. You say that it started when you were about 12, do you know what started it? Was it a single event or is it that that's when you can identify feeling lonely for the first time?

I'm also curious about these grand plans you seem to have - this risky make or break idea? Can you talk about that??

I'm not sure what triggered it. All I know is that I "died on the inside" as I like to put it at that age.

I don't want to talk about my grand plans, because if they come to fruition I could become famous and I do not want to be publicly associated with this forum. All I'll say is I'm close to quitting my job and spending lots of time/money so I can work on them, and if they fail I will have nothing left and nowhere to go.

Ok. Have you tried to find out what it was? Sometimes knowing what causes something can help you deal with it (but not always, I know).

Fair enough. I was just curious.

You sound like you've basically given up. Am I right? Yet you're here asking for something. I think the question is...what is it that you want?

 

[insanelyloneley]

Hi. You sound really unhappy with your life. You say that it started when you were about 12, do you know what started it? Was it a single event or is it that that's when you can identify feeling lonely for the first time?

I'm also curious about these grand plans you seem to have - this risky make or break idea? Can you talk about that??

I'm not sure what triggered it. All I know is that I "died on the inside" as I like to put it at that age.

I don't want to talk about my grand plans, because if they come to fruition I could become famous and I do not want to be publicly associated with this forum. All I'll say is I'm close to quitting my job and spending lots of time/money so I can work on them, and if they fail I will have nothing left and nowhere to go.

Ok. Have you tried to find out what it was? Sometimes knowing what causes something can help you deal with it (but not always, I know).

Fair enough. I was just curious.

You sound like you've basically given up. Am I right? Yet you're here asking for something. I think the question is...what is it that you want?

No, I haven't tried to find out what it was, and I'm not going to bother since it's a pointless endeavor.

Have I given up...maybe. I guess I'm here just to waste more time until it finally ends.

 

[cool_breeze]

People who are lonely don't really want more friends or a bigger family, what they want is (oh god this will be corny and cliche) is a soulmate (I never use that word in real life but I don't know what else to use).

I don't think that's corny. I think that all the time. That's really all I ask in life. A soulmate and some decent work. Something reasonably fulfilling and successful. And of course having the soulmate would make everything else easier. Hell I've never really said this before but I bet my life could be much, much more successful if I had the right person to go through it with. I have a lot of good traits but the need for support and love, yep you are right, is very important.

 

[insanelyloneley]

People who are lonely don't really want more friends or a bigger family, what they want is (oh god this will be corny and cliche) is a soulmate (I never use that word in real life but I don't know what else to use).

I don't think that's corny. I think that all the time. That's really all I ask in life. A soulmate and some decent work. Something reasonably fulfilling and successful. And of course having the soulmate would make everything else easier. Hell I've never really said this before but I bet my life could be much, much more successful if I had the right person to go through it with. I have a lot of good traits but the need for support and love, yep you are right, is very important.

In life all you need are 2 things:
1) A purpose
2) Someone to share your life with.

When you lack of either of those things, you hate your life. People with no purpose feel like the only reason they exist for their soulmate, and that's no good. People with a purpose, but no one to be with are driven to insanity -- think of all the eccentric geniuses who were complete loners and were driven to suicide or criminal acts because of how alone they were.

There was a point in my life where I felt like I had no purpose and was alone. Now I feel like a have a purpose, yet am still alone -- I'm not sure if this is better or worse.

 

[Peaches]

well, honestly, also a bunch of good friends and a large family who cares about what happens to you would be kind of nice to have, with or without soulmate..

 

[beans]

People who are lonely don't really want more friends or a bigger family, what they want is (oh god this will be corny and cliche) is a soulmate (I never use that word in real life but I don't know what else to use).

I don't think that's corny. I think that all the time. That's really all I ask in life. A soulmate and some decent work. Something reasonably fulfilling and successful. And of course having the soulmate would make everything else easier. Hell I've never really said this before but I bet my life could be much, much more successful if I had the right person to go through it with. I have a lot of good traits but the need for support and love, yep you are right, is very important.

In life all you need are 2 things:
1) A purpose
2) Someone to share your life with.

When you lack of either of those things, you hate your life. People with no purpose feel like the only reason they exist for their soulmate, and that's no good. People with a purpose, but no one to be with are driven to insanity -- think of all the eccentric geniuses who were complete loners and were driven to suicide or criminal acts because of how alone they were.

There was a point in my life where I felt like I had no purpose and was alone. Now I feel like a have a purpose, yet am still alone -- I'm not sure if this is better or worse.

I agree. You are kind of like me. However, can you think of ways to meet other people apart from your friends? You don't live on a secluded island so that's a start. Maybe if you start working on your purpose (1) you will soon find (2) someone to share your life with along the way.

 

[Syber Tiger]

i know what u mean , lonely ness is a pain,evety one feels the pain on a dif level...

i want a gf to but i am to shy and fucken scared to do enything about it

but what will you do if you find a gf,if she drop you u wul feel a mutch worce pain it will hurt you more (i am not telling you not to get a gf,just saying)

"Loneliness is a hole in my life " well you can choos to get out of the "hole" or stay there and die

 

[hijodeganas]

I have things to do, future plans to work on and ambitions I want to fulfill. But none of that matters because of how alone I've felt ever since I was about 12-years-old (I'm 26 now).

Today I spent the whole day working on something that should only take an hour, but it took me the entire day because of my loneliness. Why is that you might ask...because being yourself for so long is a horrible feeling. I took breaks every now and then because the feeling drives me insane. I needed a break, I needed someone else there with me, but there isn't anyone.

I still live at home and it sucks. I have friends, but I'm not sure how much I like them. I have good ideas that will improve my life, but I don't care about them as long as I'm alone. People who are lonely don't really want more friends or a bigger family, what they want is (oh god this will be corny and cliche) is a soulmate (I never use that word in real life but I don't know what else to use).

There's no such thing as someone motivating himself/herself completely alone,there's always someone pushing that person. Athletes have coaches, thinkers have assistants, artists have supporters...I've got no one. Doing everything by yourself, especially when you're working on a risky make/break idea like I'm trying, is damn-near-impossible when you're alone.


I'm not sure why I'm chosen with this fate, but this is the way things are. I think I will fall all the way down the hole because who is going to help me back up.

Not to sound too harsh, but what you're essentially saying is that feeding your loneliness is more important than your ambitions or goals.

Here's the thing I somewhat don't understand. Let's say I'm having financial problems. A million dollars would take care of everything. Pretty true, right? So, realistically, how do I go about getting a million dollars? Sit around and "wish" for it? Or spend some time and effort working on it until I finally achieve it? Let's replace a million dollars with a good looking body. I think the same rational applies.

So why do people sit around waiting for a "soulmate"? Finding an ideal partner is not much different than becoming rich or healthy or good at anything else: it takes time, effort and practice. In other words, if you sit around remaining lonely, you're limiting your options, choices and abilities to find that partner you so desire.

I think it's a good thing that you're questioning why your life has become this way. That's a great start. If you want more help, let me know.

 

[AJR]

Your gonna make it through Lonely. I know because you and I are a lot alike. And if you share my general feelings, one being that if I had the balls to do anything(kill myself, get a gf, etc) I would have done it already. It is always hard to care about things that dont seem to matter. What is a life of accomplishment without someone who cared about you before. Your idea might make you a big deal and I hope if it does it can bring you a little closer to acceptance and whatever allotment of happiness you will be allowed by this cruel and unforgiving universe in which we live.(feel free to insert God if you wish but lets face it, he is just a scapegoat) Im pretty sure the stuff that keeps me going is just general stubborness. I hope you stay stubborn as hell forever man!