Loneliness...

[Lameguy623]

Hey guys.... new the forum here but I know there is probably a place for new members but that's not what I want to talk about...

Ever since I was in grade school I've been socially awkward in a sense... In 6th grade I was chubby, had braces, and I played in band. Kids wouldn't give me the type of day, not even the ones in band and I felt alone right away... In 7th and 8th grade things got better for me and I was sort of popular for once in my life... but only because I chose to become the class clown instead of focusing on school work... for any of my fellow class clowns out there it comes at a price.. the price of not being taken seriously... It gave my "so called" friends an easy shot to pick on me and think that I would take it in a joking matter but I didn't... but i couldn't even voice my opinion because they would just laugh... needless to say middle school sucked...

So high school comes around and I decide to change who I am as a person and become just another face in the crowd... the problem is I changed from the kid who would crack a joke to the shy guy in the back of the class who would stutter his words if called on. I went through all 4 years of highschool as the weird kid who didn't talk and was just another face in the crowd... I would sit in on the popular kids conversation but they could tell I was a fake right off the bat because I wouldn't chime in, I'd just sit there and throw in the occasional giggle and look like sitting stone. Girls were non existant in my 4 years of high school... I had more girls as friends than guys but every time I would try to make a move I would get the, "I'm not ready for a relationship line" but anybody who has gotten that knows what it means... It kills me though because i've been told I'm good looking and to get shut down so many times is a real confidence killer, so I eventually just stopped trying... I have a group of friends I hang out with this day and I guess you could say they are the closest things to best friends I have and that's just spitting words from my mouth... They actually invite me places but when we all hang out I feel like my opinion or anything I talk about isn't taken into consideration and i'm just there to be along for the ride...

Second year of college and I've been getting extremely depressed lately... I thought for awhile that a girl was the reason I was depressed, because everywhere I looked I would see happy couples kissing, holding hands, and doing what I've so longed for. But if there is one thing I can give advice on and take in for myself is, that if your not happy with your life before you get a girlfriend, you're not going to be happy when you get one.. But anyways lately I've been feeling lonely and I've gotten real close to some woman, but for some reason I lose all interested, I don't know what's wrong with me... I don't know if my mind is trying to tell me I'm ment to be a player or that these girls are not the ones for me... It kills me inside that I can't just be happy with my life? Have a couple of friends that I can call my best friends, or a girl that I can just sit around and laugh with and call my woman... Sorry for this long vent but it helps when I write so I thought i'd share it with you all... If you care to read through it all there are some questions, maybe you guys will be as soon nice to provide some feedback.

 

[Lonelymanonthehill]

you don't know how much this relates to me, like most of your long vent is just like mine. Went through middle school as non-existent fat braces wearing crybaby. When highschool came I joined the football team and I got screwed out of that (I'll save that for another story) but I changed my whole personality the first year for a girl who did like me. But I acted like a complete retard, but she thought it was cute. I never asked her out and my window for the chance to ask her out closed. The second and third year were the same but with out the girl, no one took me seriously, look at the retard we shouldn't ask that clown for anwsers. My final year I found my best friend and my life changed, I became a christian and grew my hair out and instead of the clown I became the scary kid that probaly smoked pot and would kill us if we talked to him. Then college came, quiet other then a few classes, had a few good friends both from highschool and new ones. Taking summer classes now in one I'm quiet the other I'm the retard agian but the women love it. Too be honest with you I have never had a girlfriend other then this fake little realtionship I had with a complete stanger on myspace lol. I have never held a girl in my arms, I have never had a meaningful talk with a girl, a girl to call my own, I have never touched lips with another. At times I get so down I just wonder if I'll ever find her, wonder if I should just smile and put a gun to my head. But then I stop myself and just live through this bad life hoping it will get better lol. Atleast you have friends that are girls I don't even have that, I get nervous when I talk to girls and the retard comes out. I guess what I'm trying to say is that your not the only one.

 

[hbkdx12]

Welcome to the forum.

Happiness is a tough thing especially when its something that you're not even sure that you've might've ever really experienced. Most if not all of us on the board struggle with finding and/or maintaining our happiness and there's no definitive answer that anyone can give that will make that happiness obtainable.

One thing that i try to always keep in the forefront of my mind is this: Being happy will get me the things that I want; getting the things that i want will not necessarily make me happy. There's a very small distinction between those two statements but that distinction creates a world of importance.

So many people (myself included) always proclaim "If I had xyz that i would be happy" It's a very defeated way of thinking because you work out of a place of desperation and "need" where you feel like your lacking something (happiness) and you try to find whatever you can to fill it. The thing is, when you think in that way, the fulfillment that you get from this "thing" (whatever that may be) is never really long lasting. It gets old rather quickly and before you know it you feel like your lacking again so now you need a new bigger and better "thing" to fill that void and then the cycle just repeats itself and gets worse and worse to the point that when you get the things that you want that it doesn't really do anything for you (kinda like how you mentioned you've gotten close to women but find yourself disinterested)

Sorry to you and all others who read this and feel like it's too "preachy" but it's just a matter of changing your thinking, perspective and attitude. Once you do things that make you happy and you do it for you, you develop a sense of pride and entitlement where you feel like you deserve all those good things that come your way that you could never get in the past and the beauty of happiness is that it truly is it's own reward. You don't need external or materialistic things to validate your happiness

 

[Haz]

that if your not happy with your life before you get a girlfriend, you're not going to be happy when you get one.

this is true, but i'm finding increasingly that having someone there to offer you support can be a great comfort too

as long as you don't invest yourself wholesale though, and rely on that validation

 

[Lameguy623]

Welcome to the forum.

Happiness is a tough thing especially when its something that you're not even sure that you've might've ever really experienced. Most if not all of us on the board struggle with finding and/or maintaining our happiness and there's no definitive answer that anyone can give that will make that happiness obtainable.

One thing that i try to always keep in the forefront of my mind is this: Being happy will get me the things that I want; getting the things that i want will not necessarily make me happy. There's a very small distinction between those two statements but that distinction creates a world of importance.

So many people (myself included) always proclaim "If I had xyz that i would be happy" It's a very defeated way of thinking because you work out of a place of desperation and "need" where you feel like your lacking something (happiness) and you try to find whatever you can to fill it. The thing is, when you think in that way, the fulfillment that you get from this "thing" (whatever that may be) is never really long lasting. It gets old rather quickly and before you know it you feel like your lacking again so now you need a new bigger and better "thing" to fill that void and then the cycle just repeats itself and gets worse and worse to the point that when you get the things that you want that it doesn't really do anything for you (kinda like how you mentioned you've gotten close to women but find yourself disinterested)

Sorry to you and all others who read this and feel like it's too "preachy" but it's just a matter of changing your thinking, perspective and attitude. Once you do things that make you happy and you do it for you, you develop a sense of pride and entitlement where you feel like you deserve all those good things that come your way that you could never get in the past and the beauty of happiness is that it truly is it's own reward. You don't need external or materialistic things to validate your happiness

You pretty much hit it on the nose hbk.... Like I find myself trying so hard to impress woman and be the nice guy on the date and the one they can rely on.. but when they get close I look at them in a different way as if I don't know what I was thinking.. Not that they were ugly or not my type, but simply because I might have enjoyed the attention of a woman... but that's why I think my problem lies deeper and I need to find out what it is... I haven't thought about suicide since middle school and I could never take my own life... I'm still young and I have a full life to live.. but I sure don't want to live my life in depression either.