Lonely

[Willing]

Hi,

Don't really know where to begin or what to say/write...
Lot's of things occurred during the summer time. Leaving me feeling sad and unable to cope or do the right thing (......... What is the right thing??.....)

( I'm married and we have a son. We life in a old small cottage near a village where there's only 1 bus a week and I do not drive, this is part of the "problem" and I'm working on it....slowly!)

Most of my life I've had difficulties making and keeping friends... My dad once said that I go through friends like boyfriends.. When I was younger I could be anyone's friend and didn't see a problem with that. Until it was no longer accepted ( Groups forming in school... etc ) And that's how it's been always... I give my whole self and it always backfires. I try not to do it, I think it's just my nature. People will tell me many privet things, secrets and problems between them and there partners or friends. The thing is that when things in there lives have calmed down.. I don't see them any more. I think it's because I know to much.

So, this summer was a big one! A friend (..Who I also know to much about..) one day decided to come to my door and give me a ear full because I don't help her... I've helped her alot, to much. It was like I was her maid. But that day I said NO I was releaved and proud of myself. But this to backfired! It was one big drama. So as a result of this she completely gave me the cold shoulder and stop's her son playing with my boy. Which makes me feel very guilty towards him! My parents had problems I know everything and only I did.... as a result of that, now that things are OK again, I'm the bad guy. And the list goes on and on...

I just don't know what to do.... I feel like I need to be my own best friend and look after me first. But I can't be without people around me because I long for there recognition and love. I've pulled back.
We moved here 2 years ago and my family live abroad. I tried so hard and now I'm just so tired.

The summer was a big one because everything happen at once and I crumbled.

I find it difficult to say what I feel because I don't what to scare people off. This also means that I keep books that might offend out of sight even thou there my favourite or get in a absolute state because someone is at the door and I'm still in my pyjama's and there are not many people at my door.....Just the thought of it!. Because of these things happening my son sees less kids and this makes me feel so bad!!!!!! Even thou he's happy and strong.


I've been feeling lonely for some time.

ThanksX

 

[Sci-Fi]

You're an emotional doormat. Everyone comes to you with their problems because they know you'll sit and listen to them. Then when you've had enough and just decide to say no one time, they accuse you of never being there for them. I had the same problem with a friend of mine, she would always call me when she needed someone to pick her back up, emotionally. I had enough and stopped helping her, I just couldn't take it anymore because it was always the same song and dance. She'd ask for advice or what to do so I'd give her my opinion or what I'd do in her place, then she wouldn't do it. Then I'd get a phone call from her crying and saying she should have taken my advice.

I think you are onto something there too, you know too much. You've become that friend who's a shoulder to cry on instead of that friend they go to to have fun.

So what do you do? Shut yourself off emotionally to them? Stop being the supportive friend?

You said you feel like you need to be on your own best friend and look after you first. Yes you do. You said you need people around. No you don't. You said you are married with a son, then you have the recognition and love you need. Forget about getting it from others, do what you said you need to do, be your own best friend. Get yourself sorted out first.

 

[Willing]

I think that maybe I do shut myself off emotionally. I do stay a friend, but it's not the friend they need....so it just ends. It's a way to protect myself... Trying not to get hurt.

Thanks for your reply! It helps.