Looking to move forward, but need advice

[Elric of Grans]

Until recently, I was being treated for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I had depression and anxiety issues, including years of struggling with agoraphobia. My issues began when I was nine and I am now 32, so I have spent most of my life living largely like a hermit. I was aided by psychologists and psychiatrists who have helped me learn to cope with my issues. They may never go away, but I am comfortable enough to deal with every-day life now.

I used to have a conventional career, but ended up burned out with my psychological heath heavily degrading. I now work part-time for the Catholic Church and this year began studying part-time in the hopes of one day finding a full-time role there. I do not earn enough to live alone, so I had to move back in with my parents a few years back. As a regular church-goer, I have been working on my social skills with the other people there, but they are almost all under 20 or over 60, so I have no contact with people in my age group. The people I am studying with are also my parents' age or older, making me the little kid in the group. My parents spend all their free time watching TV, so they are not really good role models for me.

For as long as I can remember, my main hobby has been reading. Fiction, non-fiction, books, comics, whatever. I also play PC games off-and-on, but usually only single player (I am uncomfortable with how aggressive and competitive people are online). Rarely watch TV or movies and almost never listen to music. I have never participated in any kind of sport. I am largely clueless on games like cards, chess, etc. Because of the years of agoraphobia, I have no experience with outdoor activities (eg hiking or whatever). I do not drink or smoke, so I cannot stand pubs, nightclubs, etc (believe me, I have tried!).

Working with a psychologist, I have tried to find ways to connect with people, but we made no progress on this front and he eventually gave up. I am too old for the youth groups (under 25) and too young for other social groups in the Church (over 60). We have spoken with multiple social welfare organisations who help people find social contact, but I am too young and/or old for most. Others will not help because I do not have a disability on their list, am not a single parent, am not uneducated, am not an ethnic minority, etc.

I tried volunteering in several organisations, but only met retirees (60+). The only clubs in my local area are either sporting or specialised (eg returned soldiers, etc). I tried working out at a couple of gyms, but everyone avoided all contact with everyone else. The don't look, don't speak kind of attitude. I tried to investigate an education angle (short courses, etc), but there is very little available in my region and none of it remotely relevant to someone like me (eg bartender courses, barista courses, etc).

I am thoroughly bored of my own company and yearn for conversation with people my own age. Does anyone have any advice on what further I could look at?

 

[Tiina63]

What about book groups? You wrote that you love reading and normally there is a mixture of people of all ages at these, so you stand a good chance of not being the only one who is older than 25 but below 60. If you try one and find that the members are all older, then you could switch to another one. One good thing about reading groups is that the other members may be able to suggest other, different sorts of groups and acitivities you might like.

 

[Legato]

Think the above makes a good point. Book clubs would suit you. You say you're not good with outdoor activities etc, but maybe look at doing some? Even if it's just going on walks, joining a gym. All lead to meeting new people. So many hobbies out there that might have your name on.

 

[Elric of Grans]

Thank you. I have been investigating book clubs since reading Tiina's post. So far, I have no luck, but will keep looking.

Legato, I sometimes go on walks (admittedly, not half as often as I should) and am a member of a gym. People at the gyms here seem quite disinterested in any kind of interaction with others.

 

[LifeCoachWithL]

look into sports social clubs, i know where i live they have all sorts of sports (hiking)and get togethers for all ages. They go to games and even travel.....hope that helps.

 

[Juels000]

Hi Elric of Grans. I can relate totally to how your feeling I to have battled with depression and I am agoraphobic and struggle with social skills, I too do not smoke or drink and this alone can be a barrier for social activity as many many people drink and socialize that way. Because of my agoraphobia I am isolated from society and only have friends on the internet on facebook etc. My problem is communicating with people not being out in open spaces as most people think agoraphobia is, I get panic attacks around people and can not work or go out alone because of my fear of others which was actually triggered by bad experiences from the past. Recently though I have taken up cycling and backpacking/hiking and it has made a huge improvement to my life, My depression has lifted, and though I am still unable to go out alone I so enjoy the outdoors and you would be amazed how many people you can chat to who have the same interests, Im not saying this is the way to go but do what you are passionate about and you will meet like minded people and have something to chat about. It is easy for people to say join this club and that club but having agoraphobia knocks all your confidence and it is a struggle to get back to normal, I have never been able to join clubs as it petrifies me.

Thank you for sharing your experiences and I understand completely what it is like. Message me any time if you want to chat Find your passion then find people with the same passion this is what I am doing with my cycling and hiking