Losing a friend

[Glear61]

3 weeks ago a friend that I had been talking (emailing) to for over 11 years all of a sudden stopped writing. She was the only person I could talk to and tell her what was going on in my life. She would tell me the exact same things and we were each others support system. Yes, we loved one another.  I don't think you can be that  close and not find love. She had been divorced for about 3 years and was ready to move on and had recently found a man to date. I am extremely happy for her and she knew that. We were continuing to talk for a few months each and every day. 10 to 15 emails, just small casual conversations. I emailed her like usual the next week and didn't hear from her. I thought. Maybe she didn't go to work.  I emailed her the next day with no response.  I waited until the next Monday to try again. Hoping to hear from her,  no luck. My heart is totally broken and feel so alone. I can't help but think I have done something wrong. I am just so confused and hurt.

 

[TheRealCallie]

11 years and the only thing you have done is email? You don't have her phone number or address?
Perhaps she got locked out of her email, perhaps she is insanely busy, perhaps she is a *****, perhaps she (or her new guy) didn't feel comfortable talking to a man like that, perhaps this and perhaps that. You don't know what's going on over there.
If you have another way of contacting her, I would try that before I jump to conclusions.

 

[Glear61]

We texted for a while also. Stopped when she started to see the guy. I wanted to be respectful and maintain a good friendship.

I didn't want to be the creep or pain in the ***. If she got locked out of her email and wanted to let me know, I am sure she would have texted by now.

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All I can assume is I am a loser and don't deserve any sort of explanation.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Why exactly do people always assume they are a loser? **** happens sometimes. People drift apart.

If you had a good relationship with her and she just ended it, she may have been using you until something better came along. You may have done something to offend her that you don't realize. There could be any number of reasons that she stopped writing to you, that does NOT make you a loser.

 

[Tranquil]

Live and let live.

As tough as that may seem at times, it is the ethical thing to do. After all, everybody has the right to live their own life.

The main probem for us, is that we all have an ego. It is our ego that has invested in the relationship and expects some return for that investment. It hates losing investments. It causes lower self-esteem (or ego-energy). It is a hard slog to accept and allow others to be as they are. But the sooner you accept it and let go, the sooner you will be okay with it (and without resentment).

 

[Glear61]

The only thing I reallly wished was a reason why. I will remain hurt and probably resentful always. Without an explanation if she ever comes back because this guy dumps her and she needs a friend again, I won't be able to forgive and forget. She has chosen her path and must live it now.

 

[Tranquil]

The only thing I reallly wished was a reason why. I will remain hurt and probably resentful always. Without an explanation if she ever comes back because this guy dumps her and she needs a friend again, I won't be able to forgive and forget.  She has chosen her path and must live it now.

We never forget, but why favour it with bitter unforgiveness.

They say that if you really love a person you can let them go, even without that person having a reason for leaving. 

If you cannot let them go (unforgiveness) then it is about losing your own investment in that person. People only invest in a person to exploit them for their own gain (return for investment). It's a greedy world we walk through. Don't be upset with what I said, nearly everybody is investing in other people. A typical example goes like this: I will love you so you will be abliged to love me back . Conditional love is rife in this world.

 

[Serenia]

When you talk of loving one another.  To clarify is that romantic love?   If so what stopped you being together as a couple?

If it was romantic love is it possible she wanted you and was too scared to make her feelings known for fear of it turning into losing a friend.  She might have given up hope and dated, then meeting someone, she might have hoped it might have made you make a move or come to a realisation.  On realising you wasn't going to fight for her, she had to give up and cut ties to get over you and move on.

This could be pure fiction, but it is possible.

 

[VanillaCreme]

We texted for a while also. Stopped when she started to see the guy. I wanted to be respectful and maintain a good friendship.

I didn't want to be the creep or pain in the ***. If she got locked out of her email and wanted to let me know, I am sure she would have texted by now.

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All I can assume is I am a loser and don't deserve any sort of explanation.

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You're not a loser for it. Things happen in life. We can't expect things to always remain the same. Life is about change.

You also don't need an explanation. You may want one. But that doesn't mean she has to give one. If you don't have another way to contact her, just appreciate the time you did have with a friend, and remember the nice times. When I read the title of this thread before clicking it, I thought it meant a death of a friend. To which I was going to offer the same advice. I lost a really good friend I went to school with, and that's pretty much all anyone can do in situations where they've lost a friend in some way.

 

[DarkSelene]

You also don't need an explanation. You may want one. But that doesn't mean she has to give one. If you don't have another way to contact her, just appreciate the time you did have with a friend, and remember the nice times. When I read the title of this thread before clicking it, I thought it meant a death of a friend. To which I was going to offer the same advice. I lost a really good friend I went to school with, and that's pretty much all anyone can do in situations where they've lost a friend in some way.

The thing is, as far as OP knows, she's not dead. No one has to do anything, but she should give him an explanation. They've built a friendship for 11 years, it's clearly not a one sided thing - she should care enough to tell him that she'll be away from now on and if she doesn't care she should have enough consideration to know that he'd be concerned. It's not unreasonable to expect explanations or a minimum of consideration from a friend, and OP has all the right to grieve about it.

 

[Timbobway]

I am sorry to hear this.  This happens way too often nowadays it seems.  You spend years talking to someone then all of a sudden they disappear without any explanation whatsoever.  It would have been too courteous and respectful of her to at least say goodbye, right.  I mean you spent eleven years talking to her and listening to all of her problems and tried to help her with them. Only to be ignored now.  My guess is that she was using you and no longer needs you, now that she has a boyfriend.  I had a similar thing happen to me two years ago.  It still bothers me to this day.  You at least deserve something in regards to her disappearance.  If you ever do hear from her gain please ask he about it.  If you don't hear from her then you will have to seek your own closure.

 

[Dead_Man_Walking]

It is unfortunatelly "normal" for people when are in relationship they forget about their friends or don't have time for them