Losing Momentum

[AFrozenSoul]

I am not sure where to put this thread so it ends up here. I think my batteries are running out. I know that I have not been the most sympathetic or active forum member... yet I come here to get the love that I am lacking in real life. So if this in the wrong place please move it... or hell just flat out delete it.

I guess the question becomes where do I begin? I know I have posted this earlier, but it has been a year since I started my weight loss program... I am not where I want to be with it. I think this is one of my triggering events. A whole year I have dedicated myself to losing weight. I have lost weight, more weight than I have ever lost before. I do not even have to unbutton my size 42 pants any more. However, my goals are vain. That was to be expected... however I just want to be thin. Well more than just thin, but that is the start. It feels like it will be another year before I even accomplish that goal.

I think that is where I am falling short again... as I see this goal taking twice as long as I had originally planned, despite all my work. God only knows how long the hard part of my plan is going to take. That part is me becoming socially and sexually active. I am starting from scratch. How I even managed to meet the female who started up my dark libido is beyond me. I have no idea what I am doing. Plus I am horribly shy and self-hating. So I have to overcome all of that. On top of that I have to figure out how to beomce attractive....

I don't know I guess I feel like if I take any more than 5 years... well 4 years now to complete this then there is no point I have wasted the best years of my life. After all what kind of female wants to be with 30+ something guy who has the aspirations of a high school guy right? I will just be cast to society as an immature guy who never grew up.

I guess I feel like I have been climbing forever, and all I see is a wall of rock and clouds. I know I have not been as diligent as I could have been... I took weekends off from my diet. I got drunk, I lied around in self-hate (a good example of now). I do not know how much that hindered me. I know that I have myself to blame for my failure. I guess my point is I am running out of steam.

I was able to keep a sprint of optimism up for a year. I said I have made this choice... we all make choices.. blah blah blah.. I kept on saying that it will all be worth it in the end... blah blah blah... I need patience these things take time. However now I stand here seeing.. well no real movement.

Why did I make this thread.... I guess I am fishing for compliments... I am also looking for a light at the end of this tunnel. Maybe a voice to cheer me on. Something to help me find some kind of strength or a new wind. I know in the end only I can do this... I know I have come here for support as well... and have recieved it... however... well certian realizations have hit me hard since I moved back into my own apartment. The main one being how incredibly isolated I am... how very alone I am in this struggle. So I need to know that there is something... or maybe nothing... maybe I need to fill up my car and let it run me to sleep in my garage...

Thanks for the time you put towards reading this thread.

 

[I'm Fine]

You're not alone.

Most people, at some time in their lives, find themselves reaching for something that seems unattainable. It may be that it is. I don't know. What I DO know is that you're trying to help yourself and for that alone you deserve credit. Not everyone does. Even if there are times when you feel you can't go on, times when you lapse, you've spent a YEAR on this - which is more than I could do.

You mention meeting a female who started up your 'dark libido'. If this is all for some specific someone, have you actually TALKED to her? Does she know how you feel? It is possible that she finds you attractive now. Have you considered that possibility?

The main thing is - you HAVE achieved. You have done more than you think - because you've tried. Good for you and good luck *hugs*

 

[Badjedidude]

TIME TO RECHARGE.

Get away for a while. Take a vacation. Take some time to just sit around and reflect about where you've been and what you've done recently. It's quite common that a person can fight, fight, fight and still feel like they're not doing ANYTHING in life.

What you need to do when this happens is GET AWAY for a short time and think about things a bit.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Try looking up Beyound positive thinking or Ultimate confidence by Dr. Roberts Anthony.
The material gose into details or the machanics of how our mind works or our phycology.
It covers alot of area...such our selfesteem, the way we were raised...etc.
I can't put it all into one post for you.
I do know it helped me alot and my happiness had improved.
Fortunately I was employed at a place were I was allowed to listen to Ipods all day
long as I work. I took the opportunity to listen to these seminars or conseling sessions
everyday for over a year so my brain can obsorb the material for long term memories.
I still listen to it from time to time...as I said it covers a lot.
I don't even follow all the material to the key ...maybe 25% -30 %
and it had made a big difference in my life.


I didn't grasp the material or my mind or old ways of thinking and living were still at odds.
It actaully gave me headaches to listen to it at first. But I was detaermind to change my life
and the material made sense to me

While I dont' have the exact same challenges us you do..I had my own chellenges and struggles
I had to face. I was depressed, out of shape, unemployed, no GF, no place of own, Over 40
and didn't really cared one way or the other if I lived or died,becuase I lost everything I work so hard for.
Actaully I hated women becuase every woman I've ever been with totally ****** me over....plus
coming out of a bad..bad toxic relationship and break up was I still wasnt mentally or emotionally stable.
I bascailly had PTSD from living with a crazy bitch....but she ****** so good.
I had to work through that on top of everything else.
My life totally sucked ass...wheather it was my fualt or not...that's where i was at.

My life is totally different today. I live in a different place.
I have a different job. I'm in a relationship with the love of my life.

I went through dating stages of I bascailly went out with a bouch of women prior to this.
My ex-wf or ex-gf even wanted to get back with me. While some women might not agree
with it...I did what I did cuz that's what I did. Yes, i had threesomes with various women'
and dated a couple of 19 year old babes...
The material by Dr. Roberts Anthony will help you with this. SCREW ******* GUILT.

I'm with my ex-fiance,..I say ex becuase we were to married years ago but it nevered materialized.
I'm with her now. It's like a dream come true. Everyone has a dream they want to follow.
This is my dream. I basically packed my begs and left my old life behind just to be with her.
She drove half way across the country just to be with me...
It was very scary ..I risked everything. It scars the living **** out me with that also come exictment
but this is what Ive always wanted to do and it's happening.

It hasn't been easy just to get to this piont...and it's not so easy now where we are at.
The road is not so smooth all the time and it had many hills and valleys.
There are many chellenges facing us and ahead of us.
We both try to keep a positive attitude through it all..thou it's not always automatic...Just bumps in the road or we'll get through this.
Many times I've felt like giving up...thats when I listen to all of these materials.
Plus I also look at my signature

I love Renae very very much. I'm forever grateful she choses to love me and share her life with me now.
The ironic twist of it all is...I nevered wanted to be with any other woman except her...but my life
wasn't like that. I'm with her now and bascailly don't want anyone else. We came very close to breaking up after getting into a major
argument the other night...as I said, it's not always so easy and sometimes I feel like giving up or sometimes I feel beaten, worn out, werry and tired...but I love Renae all my life and
I have to do whatever it takes to make it work this time.
I walked away from Renae before...I'm not going to run from her or
my life anymore. The truth of the matter is ....I'm more scar of living
than dying. All my fears confronts me. I stand up and hold my head
high inspite of it all...cuz with this I also feel peace and love.

Anyway, don't be so hard on yourself. You came a long ways. Give yourself more credit.
Let go of those negative thoughts and feelings about yourself.
You'll learn as you go so don't worry so much.
Yeah...just take a little vacation or give yourself a break...
You'll be rested and see things differently after you're well rested.
Then just applied the principles with losing wieght to dating women.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

double posted

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@I'm Fine: lol the only females I really crush on are at the gym. However, the gym serves a purpose to me, which is to work out. I watch these very attractive females get chatted up by every guy. One is at the gym for at least 3 hours a day. I see her do about 20 minutes of working out at most followed by 30 minutes of having a guy or guys flirt with her. Needless to say I leave her alone. Far more attractive guys flirt with her. ^_^ it is easy to justify why she would not be attracted to me as well... however that is not a story for here.

I know I have achieved... however, it is hard to ride that wave... I want to say I have achieved more than most... however... maybe I just have too high of standards for myself...

@Badjedidude: ^_^ ah yes vacation, I have vacation time towards the end of June... I do not know what I am going to do with it. I wish I could just take a week off now. However, I must do everything in my power to miss the office birthday party >_>. I wonder what I can do for the vacation... I do not have much money... so I really cannot go anywhere... maybe I can get another credit card and rake up a bunch more debt escaping. I have thought about it... I just worry about doing reflection... because I reflect... and then I look forward... and then I get depressed.

@Lonesome Crow: I always like your posts. Random and confusing, yet full of wisdom to those who look.

I do recall you mentioning the Ultimate confidence stuff. >_> I run into a slight problem that audio can be very passive for me. Several times at work I will start listening to a CD and suddenly that play list will be over. However, I guess I have never tried it with a book or seminar. I will have to look up the positive thinking one.

I guess it is good I am only in my mid twenties. Had I been in your shoes, yeah I would have offed myself. Hell, I am only 25 and I already think any chance I have to date and all that **** has gone out the window. Especially with everyone within 5 years of my age getting married. Seriously, at least 3 of my co-workers have gotten married in the past year alone. My sisters friends are all getting married, my cousins are all getting married. I feel like even if I get over this hump. There will be nothing left for me. Not that I have an interest in getting married.

I guess my main issue is that I figured by now I would be up to beginning my dating phase... not finishing off my workout phase. Maybe I just need to stop caring... I do not know... lots going on in life. I have a wedding in a couple of weeks... I need to check back on a forum, but there might be a cosplay BBQ on the 4th that I want to attend... just so much going on... it would have been one thing if I was just starting out... but I have been at it for a year. Maybe I need to find more discipline... last night after my workout I basically just sat around... I had a full 3 hours I could have been reading a book or unpacking....

Maybe another problem is I get lost in the fantasy of how much better things are... I do not know... maybe it is just stress from my move.

 

[hijodeganas]

I am not sure where to put this thread so it ends up here. I think my batteries are running out. I know that I have not been the most sympathetic or active forum member... yet I come here to get the love that I am lacking in real life. So if this in the wrong place please move it... or hell just flat out delete it.

I guess the question becomes where do I begin? I know I have posted this earlier, but it has been a year since I started my weight loss program... I am not where I want to be with it. I think this is one of my triggering events. A whole year I have dedicated myself to losing weight. I have lost weight, more weight than I have ever lost before. I do not even have to unbutton my size 42 pants any more. However, my goals are vain. That was to be expected... however I just want to be thin. Well more than just thin, but that is the start. It feels like it will be another year before I even accomplish that goal.

I think that is where I am falling short again... as I see this goal taking twice as long as I had originally planned, despite all my work. God only knows how long the hard part of my plan is going to take. That part is me becoming socially and sexually active. I am starting from scratch. How I even managed to meet the female who started up my dark libido is beyond me. I have no idea what I am doing. Plus I am horribly shy and self-hating. So I have to overcome all of that. On top of that I have to figure out how to beomce attractive....

I don't know I guess I feel like if I take any more than 5 years... well 4 years now to complete this then there is no point I have wasted the best years of my life. After all what kind of female wants to be with 30+ something guy who has the aspirations of a high school guy right? I will just be cast to society as an immature guy who never grew up.

I guess I feel like I have been climbing forever, and all I see is a wall of rock and clouds. I know I have not been as diligent as I could have been... I took weekends off from my diet. I got drunk, I lied around in self-hate (a good example of now). I do not know how much that hindered me. I know that I have myself to blame for my failure. I guess my point is I am running out of steam.

I was able to keep a sprint of optimism up for a year. I said I have made this choice... we all make choices.. blah blah blah.. I kept on saying that it will all be worth it in the end... blah blah blah... I need patience these things take time. However now I stand here seeing.. well no real movement.

Why did I make this thread.... I guess I am fishing for compliments... I am also looking for a light at the end of this tunnel. Maybe a voice to cheer me on. Something to help me find some kind of strength or a new wind. I know in the end only I can do this... I know I have come here for support as well... and have recieved it... however... well certian realizations have hit me hard since I moved back into my own apartment. The main one being how incredibly isolated I am... how very alone I am in this struggle. So I need to know that there is something... or maybe nothing... maybe I need to fill up my car and let it run me to sleep in my garage...

Thanks for the time you put towards reading this thread.

Lemme get this straight.

You lost weight. Positive thing.

You lost more than you ever have before. Another positive thing.

You kept up your determination for a YEAR when most people give up after a few weeks. Another positive thing.

You realize you feel you deserve better for yourself. Another one.

How is this not awesome?

The results come when you are ready for them. Unfortunately, you don't get to decide when that is. There's only one thing I know for sure: The only way to NOT get your results is to give up. If you don't, then it's IMPOSSIBLE not to achieve your goals.

Patience is a hard-won but highly worthwhile virtue. Rather than focus on your weight (which will come off eventually), practice building your patience. The longer a goal takes to achieve the sweeter the victory.

Incidentally dude, you're talking to a 30-something who still has the aspirations of a high school guy. And most women I meet don't seem to have a problem with it.

In this life, you cast yourself in whatever role you wanna play.

Keep up the good work, man. It's inspiring.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I think whats throwing you off track is that you're starting compair yourself to other people again.
In positive thinking or ultimate comfidence..it gose into details of why it's not a healthy thing to do.
Competing and compairing ourselves to other people in the long run will lower ourself esteem.
I still catch myself doing that from time to time still..so at least I know where those old thinking
patterns are coming from.

I'll be 45 this summer. My finace and I are starting our lives over again. We're both over 40.
We're focusing on what we need and want to do with our lives. Beats the hell out of me what
a 45 year old man is suppost act like or be like. We don't act like any typical 0ver 40s couple.
If anything we act like a young couple in love. We're extreemly sexually active. We laugh and joke
around like a couple of kids most of the time. BTW we're both grand parents.

 

[I'm Fine]

@I'm Fine: lol the only females I really crush on are at the gym. However, the gym serves a purpose to me, which is to work out. I watch these very attractive females get chatted up by every guy. One is at the gym for at least 3 hours a day. I see her do about 20 minutes of working out at most followed by 30 minutes of having a guy or guys flirt with her. Needless to say I leave her alone. Far more attractive guys flirt with her. ^_^ it is easy to justify why she would not be attracted to me as well... however that is not a story for here.

I know I have achieved... however, it is hard to ride that wave... I want to say I have achieved more than most... however... maybe I just have too high of standards for myself...

You may feel that the guys chatting her up are more attractive than you but she might not. There's only one way to be sure.

And yes, it sounds like you have very high standards for yourself. You've done really well. Allow yourself to be proud of your achievements instead of worrying about what else hasn't been done (yet).

Btw- Does that count as cheering you on, or should I get the pom poms out?

 

[jjam]

It's hard for me to imagine myself being anything but thin. According to stuff like this

I am in good shape! Right on "target". I weigh right at 180, and somewhere between 6'3.? abd 6'4.? last time I checked. As I just posted in the thread about favorite clothes, I love how I look when I'm damn near naked!

While I was out today, I felt thin to that extent I feel people find unattractive. "Is there something wrong with this guy?" thin, you know? Guys would come on the train and I'd say to myself "I must have the thinnest frame on this and every other train currently running... everywhere in the world... My wrist on through my forearm seems to be the same size it was when I was in middle school (I'm now 29). Scrawny! Part of me wants to put on another 10 so that I can look better to people, but the other part of me says screw people. I am healthy and I like how I look and feel physically.

Keep working on your goals, but remember that is most important that you remember who you're doing it for - yourself. Anyone worth a damn will appreciate you for who you are. I've got a date (woohoo) this Sunday with someone I'm been fond of since we met years ago. I am... nervous as hell. I've been told from one of her friends (and actually from her) that she finds me handsome. This will be the first time that she'll see me in shorts. Short sleeves, shorts... arms, legs... yikes! But I can't let it worry me, and I will definitely not try to run or hide from this. If THIS is a deal breaker, then it just wasn't meant to be. Because this is part of who I am.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Lemme get this straight.

You lost weight. Positive thing.

You lost more than you ever have before. Another positive thing.

You kept up your determination for a YEAR when most people give up after a few weeks. Another positive thing.

You realize you feel you deserve better for yourself. Another one.

How is this not awesome?

The results come when you are ready for them. Unfortunately, you don't get to decide when that is. There's only one thing I know for sure: The only way to NOT get your results is to give up. If you don't, then it's IMPOSSIBLE not to achieve your goals.

Patience is a hard-won but highly worthwhile virtue. Rather than focus on your weight (which will come off eventually), practice building your patience. The longer a goal takes to achieve the sweeter the victory.

Incidentally dude, you're talking to a 30-something who still has the aspirations of a high school guy. And most women I meet don't seem to have a problem with it.

In this life, you cast yourself in whatever role you wanna play.

Keep up the good work, man. It's inspiring.

I am definitely trying to cast my own role... however, it really feels like I have fallen into my current role and am stuck. My patience is already at saintly levels compared to most people . I found that being a patient person pissed people off when I was in high school.

I am not giving up that is for sure. I am going to stick this through. <_< I guess my libido is getting the better of me.

I think whats throwing you off track is that you're starting compair yourself to other people again.
In positive thinking or ultimate comfidence..it gose into details of why it's not a healthy thing to do.
Competing and compairing ourselves to other people in the long run will lower ourself esteem.
I still catch myself doing that from time to time still..so at least I know where those old thinking
patterns are coming from.

I'll be 45 this summer. My finace and I are starting our lives over again. We're both over 40.
We're focusing on what we need and want to do with our lives. Beats the hell out of me what
a 45 year old man is suppost act like or be like. We don't act like any typical 0ver 40s couple.
If anything we act like a young couple in love. We're extremely sexually active. We laugh and joke
around like a couple of kids most of the time. BTW we're both grand parents.

Yeah... I guess I do compare myself to others a lot... when I am at my lowest I am always thinking about what everyone else has over me. It is always easier to justify why I am crappy as opposed to why I am good.

You may feel that the guys chatting her up are more attractive than you but she might not. There's only one way to be sure.

And yes, it sounds like you have very high standards for yourself. You've done really well. Allow yourself to be proud of your achievements instead of worrying about what else hasn't been done (yet).

Btw- Does that count as cheering you on, or should I get the pom poms out?

Yeah she might think I am attractive. However, like I said the gym serves a purpose to me. If I can talk during my workout I am not working hard enough. I am perfectly fine with my choice. In some ways I do not want people talking to me at the gym. ^_^ So I take the philosophy one guy had in an anime I watched called Hell Girl. Basically he had a crush on a female. He did qualify as a stalker as he was always following her around and taking pictures of her. However, he did his best to hide his precense. One day the school nurse saw him looking at her. She told him females are more fun if you talk to them. He said he would rather not ruin the fantasy. She is perfect and he did not want to take the chance she is not. I do that at the gym. I am just fine with that. There are plenty of other places to meet females.

pom poms you say. ^_^ those always cheer me up. However, yes you have done an excellent job of lifting my mood. If anything getting to explain things helps me feel less depressed.

It's hard for me to imagine myself being anything but thin. According to stuff like this

[img /]

I am in good shape! Right on "target". I weigh right at 180, and somewhere between 6'3.? abd 6'4.? last time I checked. As I just posted in the thread about favorite clothes, I love how I look when I'm damn near naked!

While I was out today, I felt thin to that extent I feel people find unattractive. "Is there something wrong with this guy?" thin, you know? Guys would come on the train and I'd say to myself "I must have the thinnest frame on this and every other train currently running... everywhere in the world... My wrist on through my forearm seems to be the same size it was when I was in middle school (I'm now 29). Scrawny! Part of me wants to put on another 10 so that I can look better to people, but the other part of me says screw people. I am healthy and I like how I look and feel physically.

Keep working on your goals, but remember that is most important that you remember who you're doing it for - yourself. Anyone worth a damn will appreciate you for who you are. I've got a date (woohoo) this Sunday with someone I'm been fond of since we met years ago. I am... nervous as hell. I've been told from one of her friends (and actually from her) that she finds me handsome. This will be the first time that she'll see me in shorts. Short sleeves, shorts... arms, legs... yikes! But I can't let it worry me, and I will definitely not try to run or hide from this. If THIS is a deal breaker, then it just wasn't meant to be. Because this is part of who I am.

When I was younger I never really thought about my weight until I started having some fat flaps. It has been so long since I was last thin I do not really remember what I look like without a gut.

That is an interesting chart. My trainer is technically high on that chart, he is the same height as me 5'10" or 5'11". However, he has a lot of muscle. I think he hovers between 185 and 205. I am hoping I can get down to the target weight. However, then I want to fill out my extra skin with muscle. I want to get to the point where I like what I look like naked.

I won't say that these changes are just for me. Truth is there is always others I consider. However, they are the majority for me. I am well aware that there are parts of me that I am not giving up. Like anime ^_^ if any female does not accept that hobby of mine then it was not meant to be. I wish you luck on your date friend. Hopefully I will be having more of those in the next couple of months.