Moving from online to RL friends with people?

[user 9172]

I need some advice on how to successfully turn currently online only friendships in to real life friendships. I have a couple of online friends that are very local to me that I have known for a few months; I come to know these people by way of forums dealing with social anxiety. These particular friendships are probably about as strong as you can possibly really have exclusively by way of the internet.

Anyway, it might seem like a no brainer/a bit of an open goal to some people, but I am very worried that pursing a real life friendship with these people might ruin the existing online friendships if all does not go well. I value to small number of online friendships I have a great deal, so I don't want to lose them, but at the same time I crave real life interaction and comradeship.

How to approach the situation? How to avoid any potential pitfalls (such as awkwardness) that could ruin things? What to do about potential rejection? Would be super if anyone has and success or failure stories to share regarding this subject too.

Oh, and I also need a way of doing this without it seeming like I'm coming on to them because both the people in question are female.

 

[Poguesy]

Some people may be interested in meeting up but some may not be too keen. All you can do is pop the question and ask if they fancy meeting up with you.

I believe it's better to take a chance. I had a few decent online friends in the past but they've all disappeared as life moves on, so i don't bother much with online friendship even though i do want some new friends.

I did meet up with once with a friend from the online world. It turned out to be a wrong move 'cause the person turned out to be rather boring and different from my initial perception

 

[SophiaGrace]

Be accepting if you are turned down. Plan something fun to do with them when you meet up!

 

[I'm Fine]

I have no experience of this, personally, but since you met them through a social anxiety forum that *does* suggest that they'll understand how awkward it is for you- just remember it's probably awkward for them too.

Perhaps if you meet them both at the same time it won't seem so much like you're hitting on one of them? Just a thought. Again, like I said, I have no experience with this so it's only guesses.

Good luck and I hope it works. *hugs*

 

[jales]

Well I have not actually been in this situation, so I'm not sure what to do. But I think you should take the chance and ask them to meet up. Like Sophia said... if they say no.. just say something like you understand and maybe sometime in the future you all can meet.

The other thing that comes to mind is that you can invite them to a party/ concert/ movie.. or something like that. Say you are planning to go anyway, invite them. If they can't come well say okay.. and then you all can meet another time.

Good luck and I hope it works out.
Success and failure stories regarding meeting people IRL from online: I have meet people IRL from the internet, sometimes it turns into a really good offline friendship, sometimes it doesnt. But it is always worth taking the chance. Just be as safe as possible. Public place, with family etc.

I guess in this case you can't go with family. But try not to worry to much, it should be a fun experience. Good Luck!!

 

[shysilhouette]

Perhaps if you meet them both at the same time it won't seem so much like you're hitting on one of them?

This was a really great suggestion. If you arrange to meet up as a group of three, your two friends will meet one another if they haven't already done so, thus making conversation hypothetically easier.

I would suggest to either go for a quiet sit down in a coffee shop, or if the social awkwardness of that scenario really puts you off, suggest a cinema trip. You will not have to talk so much at the cinema, but that could turn out to be a regretful decision.

 

[user 9172]

I believe it's better to take a chance. I had a few decent online friends in the past but they've all disappeared as life moves on, so i don't bother much with online friendship even though i do want some new friends.

I used to feel the same about online friendships too. I'm hopeful that developing online friendships in to offline friendships will work out though. I think both people need to want to meet though; When I've had online friends that wanted to meet up in the past I've always avoided doing so and so the friendships have faded and ended because of that.

I have no experience of this, personally, but since you met them through a social anxiety forum that *does* suggest that they'll understand how awkward it is for you- just remember it's probably awkward for them too.

Perhaps if you meet them both at the same time it won't seem so much like you're hitting on one of them? Just a thought. Again, like I said, I have no experience with this so it's only guesses.

Yeah, the people in question have either no or very few friends and similar social anxiety problems to those that I have as well. (Though I'm much better anxiety wise now.)

Hadn't considered a small group meet up. That might be a good idea.

The other thing that comes to mind is that you can invite them to a party/ concert/ movie.. or something like that. Say you are planning to go anyway, invite them. If they can't come well say okay.. and then you all can meet another time.

Good suggestion. That sounds like a pretty safe approach rejection wise.

 

[Zeek]

I have met online friends in person and it's really cool! I would really encourage it. You may find your relationships with them may change a little after meeting, but seeing and talking to someone face to face can't compare to an email...