Mr. Fu*king Lonely

[Scofield]

Hello. I am from Europe.

This forum it's just what I needed. Obviously I can't tell anyone these things, but somehow gotta tell someone. I didn't know whether to post this on "Relationships" or here, so I just went with here.

I am 18 years-old. I know you will think to yourself, another stupid teenager who doesn't know what life is, but the thing is, since I was 7 years old, I always hanged with people 10 years older then me, so I have a feeling sometimes I am 10 years older. I am not a virgin. But I never had sex with a woman that was my girlfriend. I never even had a girlfriend, just few one-night stands once in a while. And about my looks? Well, I am a model here. every time I meet a girl, I impress her very, very much. But somehow, after a while, they lose interest in me. I don't know, do I start on such a high note and then I don't have anywhere to go but down, or do they just realize that I am one of the good guys and find me boring? I have very good grades, I've just been accepted in university in Vancouver and university in Miami. Still deciding where to go. But I am not one of those geeks, that all they do is study. I like to think of myself as a smart man, since in high school, majority of great grades I had, was gained by tricking the teachers. Well, that doesn't make me smart but I just gave an example. Maybe after a while girls spend time with me, they see that I am not one of those "bad boys dumb guys who doesn't give a s*it". But I can't take it anymore, I am so lonely, I have A LOT of dreams in where I have a girlfriend. NOT wet dreams, but just a girlfriend, where we spend time together. Anyway, even in my childhood, girls never wanted to spend time with me, because I was so serious and I never could do things, stupid kids did, that attracted girls. I was also quite depressed in my childhood. In my high school class, almost every one one of the good-looking girls that I was in love with, they also liked me, but only for a short time, we were always like best couple that were getting to know each other but every time where came the time to get a little more serious they somehow lost interest. And I never gave this more thought then couple of days, but now I really am lonely in a full sense of the word and I don't know... I just needed to tell someone, even if they're strangers from internet.

Anyway, I wish a great day to anyone.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Don't take this the wrong way cause you don't sound like a "bad" guy but you don't come across a "good" guy either. You say you have one night stands (not sure how many but at 18 I hope its not a lot) and you tricked teachers into giving you good grades. That doesn't sound like such a "good guy". Again, please I'm not trying to be mean but you sound more like you lean towards the "bad boy" image girls your age go for. Maybe that's why you have such a hard time attracting the right kind of girl you are looking for.

There's the maturity level you are also dealing with as well. I found that women (god I hope I don't get in trouble for this phrasing) "smarten up" later in life. Some are still in that "bad boy" motorcycles and leather jackets phase. (lol 10 points to anyone who gets that connection) When they get older or come to that point in their lives where they realize that they no longer want that. That's what I've found anyway, I've had so many girls come up to me later in life and tell me they wish they went more for a guy like me instead of the "bad boy" jock. Like many horny teenage boys just look for the girls who are "easy", like a friend of mine back in high school who only dated those kinds of girls.

If you want to have a more meaningful relationship, instead of just one night stands start steering your life that way. Stop the one night stands, like I said not sure how frequent they are but you might have that reputation. I don't know you, just making theories that you can dispute.

Loosen up, there is nothing wrong with acting like a kid and having fun. Some of us never let go of our childhood. You might need someone like that who can show you how to have fun and let go. If you know someone like that then go hang out with them, do what they want to do no matter how silly it might sound to you. You just might have fun.

 

[Badjedidude]

Welcome to the site.

 

[Scofield]

@Sci-Fi, of course I won't take it the wrong way, thank you for answering. But, no, I don't have a lot of one night stands, I have them occasionally, 1 or 2 times in 2 months. And that's just because of our men needs, nothing more. Well, I also hope inside of me that maybe, just maybe, we will have something afterwards, but of course, what could you possibly have something with a girl that give herself to you the first night, right? But I mentioned this to point out, that I am not looking a girl for sex but I just really need a girlfriend. And about me being a bad boy... I trick teachers in a smart way for my advantage, not to brag, so when I do it, I don't tell no one, expect my best friend. As for being tricky for other things, that I am known for. And I am known for being "good guy", always taking care of others, being philosophical etc. And in terms of what makes you good and bad... well, I don't think these thing makes me bad... I have one night stands rarely, when I'm on the party, because well, that's what human beings need. And those other things... well, those are the things that are necessary in life, if you always play by the rules... you get nowhere. Through half of my life, I got always better then others by being tricky. Yes, I can say that I am known for that but girls don't care much for that. Some of the girls that are just my friends, praise me. I am actively involved in an organization that is helping children... and I always care more about other people then myself... Maybe that's got to do with me having a VERY low self-esteem, I don't know... Well, actually, it's nice to be talking about ME, for a change, because you must understand that I NEVER talk about myself with others. Wait, maybe that's also it. I am very closed person. My friends call me a closed book and I never get angry, I like to keep my emotions deep inside me, makes me more organized. My female friend told me once, that she would love to see me explode, just once. So, if she noticed it, maybe other girls have to, and they don't think I'm passionate? Well, I am very passionate for work, my education, future and that. But girls my age, don't care for that. Like you said, they care for this later in life, when they smarten up, hehe. Couple of months ago, I was sexually involved with a 35 year old woman (she was very good looking)... and when I was 16 and 17, I always flirted successfully with 19-20 year olds. I have a lot of things in common with older people then me, but those girls also don't want to be with me after a while... :/

Thank you for that last comment. You're right. I really need to loosen up... but it's SO hard! I really don't think I can do it. If I act childish, I think that the whole world is watching me and thinking, how STUPID I am... I had also a strong discipline when I was a child, so maybe that's got to do something with that. And I am very shy and have low self-esteem. I don't know, I would like to see a psychiatrist , because being me subject of talking for a change, it's a nice thing. But then again, in my family, I am the only thing they talk now, since I am going studying in USA or Canada, and I don't like it when they talk about me also. Maybe I am comfortable talking about myself just with strangers... see, I really do need a psychiatrist.

@Badjedidude, thank you.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Welcome to the forum.

 

[misa]

hi, mr lonely.

i think this thread should of probably gone in introductions. welcome to the forum.

you come off as kind of braggy, but you seem like you have a heart. i'm sure things will work out for you.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Scofield, you don't sound like such a "bad guy" now that you've gone more in depth. As guys we're programmed not to talk about our feelings, which drive women crazy when they do ask and all we say is "nothing". We're not supposed to open up, that why places like this are so great to come to, to just open up and let it all out.

As for feeling stupid doing something childish, observe around you and see how many people do it. It will surprise you, its just you're at that age where it's still a concern. I was reluctant to do certain things at that age as well thinking people would look at me and think I was being stupid or childish. I suffer from low self esteem still, so I know how you feel but I'm learning to cope with it more now. When's the last time you were in a store and saw something that said "try me" and actually pressed the button? I do this still, down the toy isle or when the holiday stuff is out. There's this one thing that Walmart has with a snowman who sings, Let it snow, and there are two little marshmallows that pop out of the mug of hot chocolate and sing. It's hilarious and I can't resist pressing the button and making them sing.

This is really hard to do, trust me I know but at your age there is still hope. Stop caring what other people might think, do what you want to do, be who you want to be. Let your inner child out! You're 18 you don't have to be an adult you are supposed to do stupid things at your age. You still have a good 4 or 6 years to get away with being stupid...legal stupid, better put that in there, lol.