My Diagnosis And An Apology.

[Retrospective81]

Hi,

Hope you are all well. its been a long time since an update but here goes.

Last week I went to the doctors, I explained my feelings and situation to him and he has diagnosed me along with BPD (Borderline personality Disorder) Social Anxiety. Low to mild. This is a blow to me.

I'm just finding life and friendships a bit much to deal with.

Also, to 3 members I added from here and blocked from my Skype. it wasn't your fault. It is entirely mine. I started to fear where I was going and what I had told you all and having trust issues in the past. I panicked and did something that I did not expect to do. Which was to block you all.

I am writing this to be honest and to ask if you can, for a little understanding as to 'why?'.

I'm sorry if I hurt you both but as you probably both know my mind is messed up one day to the next and I have lost a lot of confidence in making and keeping friends. Which leads me nowadays to start to panic and fear allsorts of things that have happened in the past. Getting judged or used etc even though I sort of know that you wouldn't. But my fragile mind tries to tell me otherwise. I just fear myself and after opening up the way I did and being unguarded, I've made myself suffer.

I don't expect nor ask of you to forgive me nor will I add you back, as I fear that it will just elevate an already bad situation. Only if you wanted to reach out that is but I suspect 'the damage is done' and I'm fully aware of the actions and consequences.

Again, I'm sorry I behaved in an erratic and 'jerkish' manner,

This is just me. Messed up beyond belief still.

Of all the things I thought I had accomplished now this. FML

Ill try and reply to anyone but it might not be for some time just so you know.

Messed up again

 

[lostatsea]

I've been reading up a lot on BPD lately. I just wanted to say, I'm glad you took it upon yourself to go seek help and get diagnosed. I'm guessing it was not easy for you. Many people with BPD live with denial that there is any problem.

I hope you can find a good support group as you go on the long journey to recovery. I'd like to recommend you check out bpdfamily.com as the people there are completely focused on living life with the disorder.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I wish you the best of luck, Retro.

To be honest, I don't even know what you are apologizing for, but I'm glad you had the guts to do so.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Try to look at the brighter side of things, though it must be hard being diagnosed with those conditions. It isn't the end nor does it mean that it's horrible.. it just means you now know exactly what needs to be done to get better now. Keep trying, keep getting better and things will be okay.

Stuff hasn't been easy in the past, it's hard for me to say these things but you are a human being with feelings and emotions too, I feel bad when someone or anyone feels bad so I'm sorry you are feeling down.

I'm sure that you'll do the right things to amend some of your past ways and I'm glad that you've been doing that. Look forward now, look for ways to feel better. Try not to dwell on negative stuff so much.. it won't help you get better. It's easier said than done, but being aware and trying your best to think positive helps a lot in many ways.

Good luck and hope you'll be able to find some effective help for your conditions.

 

[Triple Bogey]

why not write private messages if you feel you have to say sorry to people ?
seems a better way

 

[Retrospective81]

I've been reading up a lot on BPD lately. I just wanted to say, I'm glad you took it upon yourself to go seek help and get diagnosed. I'm guessing it was not easy for you. Many people with BPD live with denial that there is any problem.

I hope you can find a good support group as you go on the long journey to recovery. I'd like to recommend you check out bpdfamily.com as the people there are completely focused on living life with the disorder.

Thank you so much. I will take a look at that website and give you some feedback soon

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why not write private messages if you feel you have to say sorry to people ?
seems a better way

Because admittingly, I am a coward aren't I? :\

---

Try to look at the brighter side of things, though it must be hard being diagnosed with those conditions. It isn't the end nor does it mean that it's horrible.. it just means you now know exactly what needs to be done to get better now. Keep trying, keep getting better and things will be okay.

Stuff hasn't been easy in the past, it's hard for me to say these things but you are a human being with feelings and emotions too, I feel bad when someone or anyone feels bad so I'm sorry you are feeling down.

I'm sure that you'll do the right things to amend some of your past ways and I'm glad that you've been doing that. Look forward now, look for ways to feel better. Try not to dwell on negative stuff so much.. it won't help you get better. It's easier said than done, but being aware and trying your best to think positive helps a lot in many ways.

Good luck and hope you'll be able to find some effective help for your conditions.

Thank you lady F, things thee past few days haven't been too bad. Thank you for being really compassionate in your post it means a lot.

I'm trying everyday. I wont say I'm 'better as there is work that needs to be done. But the last day or so ahs been a bit calmer.

I try to be more positive and no longer blame anyone else for my shortcomings. if anything, that jut made me smile, even if its only a small accomplishment.

Its down to me now. thanks again *hugs*

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I wish you the best of luck, Retro.

To be honest, I don't even know what you are apologizing for, but I'm glad you had the guts to do so.

Thanks leaning that means a lot. that made my day