My life so far

[andreas]

I'm 22 years old and will turn 23 in May and yes,I am alone,as in totally.The thing is it's not the fact that I sit alone in a room and a computer that bother me,but that I know there is no one that cares for me.As a child I used to have friends and was more outgoing,but ever since a meet my girlfriend things went downhill.She's extremely possesive and always whines about everything,plus she has some mental illness.She has been running me personal life for almoust 5 years now.I should mention that we broke up,rather she dumped me and I met another girl.But then she had an accident and after she came back from hospital and..well.I felt pitty for her and dumped the other girl to come back to her.It was a mistake.She manipulated me and put words in my mouth and all kinds of things.I'm now a wreck,I live with my parents,never had a job,don't have friends anymore and i'm,belive it or not,a virgin.I also have little self asteem and fall rapidlly into depression.I guess I lack motivation and it's not entirely her fault.I am weak and always afraid of being totally alone if I loose her.Besides all that I have issues with my mother,who is just as possesive as her and authority in general.I was once almoust expeled from higschool for some stupid thing and having trouble in college because of my reclusiveness and I'm not even sure if I'm even gonna finish it anyway.I started a treatment with medication to get over my anxiety but it's not working aswell as I expected.I don't really need pills I guess all I've ever really wanted was love and some kind words,instead I got pills and people telling me to 'just do' stuff.It's not entirely their fault,i'ts mine too and that is what's truly deprressing.I would like to ask if anyone on this forum had gone through a similar experience and how he or she dealt with it.
All I want is to become a functioning human being.I consider myself a relatively good person and I would like to help others and I know I still have plenty of time ahead,yet don't know where to start.
Btw,you might want to google Romania,where i live,cause living here makes my situation even worse.
Help!

 

[Sci-Fi]

Sounds like you need to get rid of your possessive girlfriend, that is not healthy for you at all. I'm not saying push her out of your life completely, you can try to be friends but you don't have to let her run you. It also sounds like it's something you are accustom to with having a mother who is the same way. You need to break that cycle, it might be hard to do but it's your life to run it as you want. Medication is a funny thing, if it's not working for you then maybe you should just stop taking it. A lot of times it is mind over matter, if you make the decision you want to get better you can do it. Get a job, anywhere, part time (since you are in school) it will give you experience, it will get you out, you will meet new people, and it could help you develop as a person. With people telling you to "just do stuff" sometimes that is exactly what it takes. Just do it, no matter how scared or nervous you are, no matter how much you actually have to force yourself, it's usually the only way to grow and overcome those fears. It might take awhile but you can never give up.

I hate public functions, I'm a people person, I like being around people but when it comes to large groups where I might not know a lot of people or having nothing in common with them, or where there might be forced interaction (like seminars) I get really nervous. Sometimes to the point where I can become ill. I will try to find some excuse to get out of it, anything, but then there are times where I can/shouldn't and so I swallow my gut and just do it. It doesn't get me over that nervous feeling but after I'm glad I did it even if I was uncomfortable. Its having that small accomplishment that you can look back on and say, yeah at least I did it, I went, I gave it a try. No one can ever take that away from you.

You need to rediscover yourself, sounds corny but you said you used to be outgoing and have more friends, then your girlfriend came along. You need to find that person you once were and become him again. Romania might have its problems right now but they are not yours, those can't stop you from becoming that person you once were. Don't think that no one cares for you, that might not be true, it's just the way you are feeling right now. I bet some of your old friends miss the person you were before your girlfriend came along.

Oh, and welcome to the site, this is a great place.

 

[andreas]

Sounds like you need to get rid of your possessive girlfriend, that is not healthy for you at all. I'm not saying push her out of your life completely, you can try to be friends but you don't have to let her run you. It also sounds like it's something you are accustom to with having a mother who is the same way. You need to break that cycle, it might be hard to do but it's your life to run it as you want. Medication is a funny thing, if it's not working for you then maybe you should just stop taking it. A lot of times it is mind over matter, if you make the decision you want to get better you can do it. Get a job, anywhere, part time (since you are in school) it will give you experience, it will get you out, you will meet new people, and it could help you develop as a person. With people telling you to "just do stuff" sometimes that is exactly what it takes. Just do it, no matter how scared or nervous you are, no matter how much you actually have to force yourself, it's usually the only way to grow and overcome those fears. It might take awhile but you can never give up.

I hate public functions, I'm a people person, I like being around people but when it comes to large groups where I might not know a lot of people or having nothing in common with them, or where there might be forced interaction (like seminars) I get really nervous. Sometimes to the point where I can become ill. I will try to find some excuse to get out of it, anything, but then there are times where I can/shouldn't and so I swallow my gut and just do it. It doesn't get me over that nervous feeling but after I'm glad I did it even if I was uncomfortable. Its having that small accomplishment that you can look back on and say, yeah at least I did it, I went, I gave it a try. No one can ever take that away from you.

You need to rediscover yourself, sounds corny but you said you used to be outgoing and have more friends, then your girlfriend came along. You need to find that person you once were and become him again. Romania might have its problems right now but they are not yours, those can't stop you from becoming that person you once were. Don't think that no one cares for you, that might not be true, it's just the way you are feeling right now. I bet some of your old friends miss the person you were before your girlfriend came along.

Oh, and welcome to the site, this is a great place.

Thanks for the reply.It's true I probably got used to having powerful female figures in my life.The thing is I'm stuck in a rut in this moment.Having a lot of ideas but just not knowing what to start with.For example I want a drivings license but so far have failed dispite of studying and I just can't get past the written exam.I've always had problems with big and important exams.Then there's college.I feel uneasy when I have to sit in a room full of people I don't know and always worry about being watched and ridiculed.As for the pills.I'm kinda addicted now and can't seem to sleep without them.I guess your right about old friends missing me,but right now i wish to make others,to prove to myself I can still connect with people on that level.I'm thinking about joining some charity organization where I can meet new people and actually do something useful at the same time.Belive it or not I'm optimistic,because I know i'm still young.My only problem is that I don't know when better times will come.It's the waiting that truly kills me,but I guess I have to manage somehow...